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Post by h on Oct 3, 2017 4:58:11 GMT -5
I'm struggling with the same dilemma. I've been married for over 9 years and the extremely rare sex started at the beginning. We averaged less than 10 times a year even in our first year of marriage. She even turned me down on our wedding night which was a huge slap in the face since we didn't have sex before marriage. Now I'm in my 30's and I am starting to feel my body slow down. My best sexual years are already behind me and they were wasted on a woman who didn't want what I had to offer. I'm becoming a bitter, angry person because what I consider to be one of the most important parts of my identity as a man was stolen from me and thrown in the trash. My peak sexual years are gone. Now, I turn to porn as an outlet. What I really want is the close intimate relationship I was promised in our marriage vows. I want to feel loved and desired. I need a regular frequent sex life to get that. Don't let this go on any longer. Don't be like me and so many others here. Fight for it early and don't settle for less than what you really need. Sorry h, but I feel like I need to say a few things. I'm 45, I'm overweight, I have Parkinson's disease, and I too thought that my best sex years were behind me. I was wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!!! On the rare occasions I had sex with my wife if I was lucky enough to get it up I didn't last long. I thought for sure that this was it, my sex life was over. Turns out that all that crap was in my head. I was so damned stressed about just being with my wife that mentally I was a wreck anytime we got close. Take away that stress and replace it with a willing partner, one that wants to experience these things with you, and it's a completely different experience! I've had the best sexual experiences in my life this year! The right attitude, mindset, and partner makes all the difference in the world. Please do not assume that your best sex years are gone, I'm smack in the middle of mine, some place I never thought I would be. The only reason it's your best sex ever now is because you have nothing better to compare it to. Yes, I could still have great sex at that age. My point was that my body is slowing down. I no longer have the stamina that I had in my 20's. Even if I was free right now and found a caring and passionate woman to be with, it will never be as good as it could have been but was never allowed to be. That time really is gone. Congratulations on you finding someone new. You're absolutely right that this is the best you've ever had and I would say the same in your place. That wasn't my point though. |
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Post by rejected101 on Oct 3, 2017 7:04:02 GMT -5
It could be that the porn is the main issue here. Do some research on that. I truly believe that porn can destroy marriages and ruin men for real sex. It bypasses the work of true intimacy and makes men think that women should look or act in ways that most women just don't. It's totally unrealistic. If you can convince your husband that porn is a destructive addiction, you may have a shot. Especially given that you're only 2 months w/o sex. Many of us have gone months or years. Good luck to you! This is true but definitely not limited to men. Woman watch porn whilst being inactive with their real husband too. It’s probably not quite as common but definitely happens. My wife chooses not to have real sex with her real husband and replaces it with fucking herself whilst watching explicit material too. Why is that? I simply don’t know. If it’s a performance issue then perhaps she ought to grow some balls and say so. If it’s because it’s simply quicker and easier then she is selfish as fuck. But I believe that it is deeper than that. I believe she began watching from an early age and grew to understand that sex is something you do when you really really fancy a fuck and on any other occasion you literally please yourself. Very complex but definitely not just men who do this. |
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Post by rejected101 on Oct 3, 2017 7:06:16 GMT -5
I think the danger is that you are here within 2 years of being married. You will only grow to be more resentful and eventually it will turn in to a shit hole marriage as a result.
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 3, 2017 7:07:40 GMT -5
"Even if I was free right now and found a caring and passionate woman to be with, it will never be as good as it could have been but was never allowed to be. "
What a defeatist attitude! At 62, the first time I had sex with my first sm partner, I had an orgasm that seemed to last 20 minutes. And then I had multiples. I'd had 9 partners before my husband of 34 years. I'd had some amazing sex.
But still, the best sex I had was in my 60s. I'd never have guessed that would be possible until it happened. Fwiw, when we first started, he(then age 61) would have intercourse with me 3-4 times in a day. Now, we have sex about 3 times a week but we are 66, 65. He has been having t shots and using cialis the whole time we have been together. for natural slowing down that can impede performance, obviously the medicinal help works.
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Post by ironhamster on Oct 3, 2017 7:17:07 GMT -5
I'm with you on that, northstarmom. Wine and whiskey are not the only things that get better with age. |
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