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Post by dinnaken on Sept 9, 2017 15:18:08 GMT -5
Yes Caris, life lived as a lie isn't good for the spirit. I've only ever told parts of my story to two friends which is why it's so great to have this forum where I can open up and be honest.
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Post by Caris on Sept 9, 2017 16:09:36 GMT -5
Yes Caris, life lived as a lie isn't good for the spirit. I've only ever told parts of my story to two friends which is why it's so great to have this forum where I can open up and be honest. Indeed. It's a terrible burden to carry alone, and for so long. I'm glad you found us. EP (where we started) was a lifesaver for me. |
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Post by shamwow on Sept 11, 2017 6:21:58 GMT -5
People lie on the internet? Inconceivable!
And in other news there is gambling at casablanca...
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Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2017 11:39:15 GMT -5
dinnaken said: "So, just in case any of you ladies are interested - I'm 59, six foot tall, overweight, bearded and bald. All my own teeth and I'm solvent. Ah... it feels good just saying it." Would you ever consider shaving the beard? Asking for a friend....
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Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2017 11:48:31 GMT -5
I've been honest on my dating profiles, and as time goes on and I get a better idea of what I really want (and who I really am), I get even more honest.
I've recently realized that I'm less happy with casual sex than I was when I was younger. No, I'm no prude, just a romantic. This will probably narrow my dating prospects. I'm trying not to care, and some days that works.
I think some of it depends on what dating site you use. I've signed up for a few that I'm not actually paying to use (you can do that - then they send you samples, and keep trying to get you to pay for a subscription.) I've noticed that I get better samples from some sites than I do from others. I'm beginning to think I need to bite the bullet and pay more money for a better quality dating website. I was trying not to be shallow; but maybe you really do get what you pay for.
If that doesn't work and I'm still alone after some more time has passed, I will just have to conclude that fate has decided my sex life is over. In that case, I might as well see if I could get back with Mr. Kat. Love with no sex is probably better than no love AND no sex (for another 30-odd years, the rest of my life.)
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 11, 2017 12:03:32 GMT -5
Smartkat, instead of viewing your fallback as getting back to Mr Kat, you could consider moving to another area of the country or doing something else adventurous to kickstart your life.
What's your deadline for deciding so many ch time has passed without a lover that Mr Kat would be the best option?
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Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2017 12:39:48 GMT -5
Smartkat, instead of viewing your fallback as getting back to Mr Kat, you could consider moving to another area of the country or doing something else adventurous to kickstart your life. What's your deadline for deciding so many ch time has passed without a lover that Mr Kat would be the best option? I don't have a set deadline. I've found that when I try to set deadlines, Fate tends to call my bluff. I'm inclined to try some of the better dating websites before I think about moving. I actually like the place where I live - and my employment prospects are pretty good here, which is something to consider. But moving to another locality is not totally out of the question, either. I guess I'm just not that desperate at this point. |
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Post by dinnaken on Sept 11, 2017 13:15:43 GMT -5
dinnaken said: "So, just in case any of you ladies are interested - I'm 59, six foot tall, overweight, bearded and bald. All my own teeth and I'm solvent. Ah... it feels good just saying it." Would you ever consider shaving the beard? Asking for a friend.... Funny you should mention that @smartkat It almost went last week, after all the years that I've had a beard, I'm just curious to know what the bottom half of my face looks like! |
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Post by Caris on Sept 11, 2017 18:15:59 GMT -5
I've been honest on my dating profiles, and as time goes on and I get a better idea of what I really want (and who I really am), I get even more honest. I've recently realized that I'm less happy with casual sex than I was when I was younger. No, I'm no prude, just a romantic. This will probably narrow my dating prospects. I'm trying not to care, and some days that works. I think some of it depends on what dating site you use. I've signed up for a few that I'm not actually paying to use (you can do that - then they send you samples, and keep trying to get you to pay for a subscription.) I've noticed that I get better samples from some sites than I do from others. I'm beginning to think I need to bite the bullet and pay more money for a better quality dating website. I was trying not to be shallow; but maybe you really do get what you pay for. If that doesn't work and I'm still alone after some more time has passed, I will just have to conclude that fate has decided my sex life is over. In that case, I might as well see if I could get back with Mr. Kat. Love with no sex is probably better than no love AND no sex (for another 30-odd years, the rest of my life.) Kat, I honestly don't blame you if you did get back with Mr.Kat. If my ex were still alive, and had been responsible with finances, I think I'd be tempted to go back too. I think fate has already spoken in my case, and I am facing growing old alone. I can't deal with the emotional turmoil of the dating world. It sends me into severe depression, and my thoughts go very dark. It's not worth my mental health. For me, it's healthier to be alone, although terribly lonely, at times. I hope you find the special man you deserve, but if not, I agree that a life without sex, but with love and affection, is better than a life without sex, without love, and without affection, oh and companionship. That has to be better than being alone for the rest of our lives. |
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 11, 2017 18:28:47 GMT -5
" If my ex were still alive, and had been responsible with finances, I think I'd be tempted to go back too. "
Caris, you have posted that your ex said and did to you some heat searing verbally and emotionally abusive things. When you asked why he didn't have sex with you, he told you to look in the mirror and said you were too old and ugly for him to desire. Another time, he said he was punishing you but he wouldn't say why.
What he did to you was not love but was cruelty and controlling behavior. You deserved better. His companionship came at such cost that you are still in pain due to it.
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Post by cagedadventurer on Sept 11, 2017 19:43:00 GMT -5
Honesty yep Thanks for this thread Caris I was mulling over this issue earlier this week. It's been so long since I lived honestly - lying to my wife, lying to myself, lying to my friends/family/work colleagues etc. - with regards to my marriage, that I've realised two things: 1. It's great to be able to tell the truth and live honestly - it is so refreshing. In fact it's one of the best things about living separate from my wife. Forget about sex, right now the possibility of that is remote (indeed may never happen) but being able to be honest about my circumstances and to live life accordingly is wonderful. 2. I have to learn to tell the truth, to use this new found freedom. It's like exercise - painful at first but it gets easier. So, just in case any of you ladies are interested - I'm 59, six foot tall, overweight, bearded and bald. All my own teeth and I'm solvent. Ah... it feels good just saying it. I suppose I should add that based on feedback for the last 25+ years, I'm probably really bad in bed... You know, this could get addictive! Dinnaken,I have concluded id be fine getting another place ...my own with room for the kids too. I don't even care about a legitimate divorce BUT please elaborate on your W attitude and willingness to let you leave because if her inability to be there as a real spouse. Is she so dysfunctional that she didn't fight it? Didn't offer any solution? Is apathetic to the arrangement? Has she thought of lonely retirement? Is she in denial? Does she ever reach out to you? |
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Post by Caris on Sept 11, 2017 20:33:15 GMT -5
" If my ex were still alive, and had been responsible with finances, I think I'd be tempted to go back too. " Caris, you have posted that your ex said and did to you some heat searing verbally and emotionally abusive things. When you asked why he didn't have sex with you, he told you to look in the mirror and said you were too old and ugly for him to desire. Another time, he said he was punishing you but he wouldn't say why. What he did to you was not love but was cruelty and controlling behavior. You deserved better. His companionship came at such cost that you are still in pain due to it. You are right in all the above, and we didn't even have companionship, unless you call living on opposite sides of the house companionship, but he was in the same house, and I had security and great healthcare, which I don't have now. In retrospect, I think he hated me, but it was confusing because he sent Valentine and anniversary cards for years after I stopped sending them to him. I didn't want to play pretend anymore, and I put his cards in a drawer unopened, so on one hand he seemed to hate me, and on the other, he seemed to care. I couldn't figure him out. Kat is different. Mr. Kat was good to her apart from the sex, so if she goes a certain period of time, maybe years, and still finds no one, then going back to at least love, affection, and companionship with a friendly person may be better than facing life alone. That's Kat's call to make, and I was just saying, I can understand. Oh, and I do deserve better, on that we agree, but I'm not going to get better because I'm finished with this trying to date thing. It distresses me too much. It sends me spiraling down to depression. It triggers strong emotions of rejection and hopelessness within me. I think I have a form of PTSD, so I'll have to live without a romantic relationship in my life. I can't deal with the mental and emotional turmoil it creates in me. |
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Post by jim44444 on Sept 11, 2017 20:55:40 GMT -5
I've been honest on my dating profiles, . . . If that doesn't work and I'm still alone after some more time has passed, I will just have to conclude that fate has decided my sex life is over. In that case, I might as well see if I could get back with Mr. Kat. Love with no sex is probably better than no love AND no sex (for another 30-odd years, the rest of my life.) Again, NO! |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2017 21:08:58 GMT -5
Caris, I have to agree with northstarmom on this one thing: I remember vividly your descriptions of the way your ex treated you. I remember hurting for you and being scared for your sanity. I don't like the thought of being on my own forever. But I would - yes - rather do that, even if I live to be old - than live in the kind of pain your ex put you through. Your ex, and sociopaths like him, are the ones who really deserve to be all alone.
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Post by McRoomMate on Sept 12, 2017 0:20:29 GMT -5
My Experience with Dating Apps:
Tinder - A lot of the Women I met seemed to be "Broken" (tragic lives and now searching on Tinder), some were really good faith and good hearts - In my brief 2 month experiment I probably went on about 20 dates (not hook-ups just meeting over coffee or dinner or something) - believe it or not - I did not lie about anything and did not sense they were either. The Ladies did tell me the Men on Tinder are shameless and do not waste time "confirming" the Hook-up only to get rejected/deleted fast.
I only "met" one Lady that wanted a FWB all the others were seeking serious relationships. I would say "Tinder" too is broken in that there are thousands of Men seeking to get laid that night and thousands of women looking for serious romance. I did hear of one lady whose best friend met the "Love of Her Life" on Tinder so yes it is possible but time consuming and a lot of work.
Match.com - much more serious batch of ladies and men it seemed to me.
Badoo - Somewhere between the two.
I would suggest trying Match.com though you have to pay for membership. Enhancing the Resume - of course - but you can discern and weed thru that.
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