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Post by flyingsolo on Aug 15, 2017 20:15:10 GMT -5
Just curious for those of you that have "gotten out", how long did you go before you hooked up with someone else and how was it? By "hooked up" I mean got laid, not started another serious relationship.
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Post by northstarmom on Aug 16, 2017 6:28:26 GMT -5
I decided to divorce in June. We decided to delay the divorce a year so I could stay on his insurance til he retired a year later. We agreed that both could date. He already was having an affair.
I got laid the next may with a friend I'd known for years. Had had other possibilities but I am picky. Relationship started as a monogamous fwb and turned into love. We are still together 4 years later.
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Post by Caris on Aug 16, 2017 16:23:16 GMT -5
I've been on my own for just over two years, and haven't been laid, kissed, held, or had any physical contact, so in effect no difference. I'm a born again virgin...or that's what it feels like.
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Post by shamwow on Aug 16, 2017 16:36:32 GMT -5
2 days. And amazing!
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Post by misssunnybunny on Aug 16, 2017 20:27:45 GMT -5
It took me two years (been out 4). I haven't seen him since the encounter, as he is still married and lives a few states away from me. We are still friends and communicate daily. It seems that for our meeting the planets aligned in a way they haven't since.
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Post by unmatched on Aug 16, 2017 21:13:36 GMT -5
4 days. And amazing!
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Post by baza on Aug 16, 2017 21:57:28 GMT -5
I left my ILIASM deal in Oct 2009.
I have been living with Ms enna since May 2010.
There was no-one else in between those two situations.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Aug 16, 2017 22:38:08 GMT -5
I had the first trust with Loverman roughly two weeks after announcing the plan for divorce. About 4 weeks before I moved out of the house. About 6 months before the decree was signed.
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Post by dinnaken on Aug 17, 2017 3:25:10 GMT -5
I've been out 8 weeks - nothing so far
Wouldn't know where to start
It's not like it is in the movies...
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Post by northstarmom on Aug 17, 2017 6:07:48 GMT -5
I hope that people dont assume that quickly getting laid is some kind of triumph. It may or may not be.
My guess is that anyone who wished could get laid quickly after a sm. After all, one could always turn to providers or to a random person who is desperate for sex. For some, such sex would be very empty because what they missed in marriage was not just the rubbing of bodies but also someone intimately loving, cherishing and caring and feeling passion for you and delighting in your feeling passion for them.
I remember on EP a man a few weeks after joining EP dumped his refuser. Within days, he announced he had found someone to have sex with and he bragged that he had "jizzed" all night. Sounded like he had found a masturbatory object not s person and my thought was, "ugh".
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Post by GeekGoddess on Aug 17, 2017 10:06:26 GMT -5
I agree with you northstarmom. For me, it has been a series of evolutions in my encounters. I'm still in a phase where I learn something, usually quite profound, about myself from each encounter. This week, I declined giving a BJ. This was new. What?! GrantGeek refused- wtf? Turns out, someone wanting me to give but not give back was easy to decline this time. If this person wanted to date me, I would in a heartbeat. But I don't want just the lips to loins part of this anymore than the rest of us. I deserve the real intimacy that I hope for, to go with it. |
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Post by shamwow on Aug 17, 2017 12:14:34 GMT -5
Yeah, just to clarify... My 2 days out was with ballofconfusion but was several months in the making. First we were just two strangers who met on a forum with a common experience. Then we became friends as we realized we had quite a few common but eclectic interests. As time went by we became more and more intimate. So when I say I got "laid" 2 days out from my divorce, it makes it sound like I'm some kind of ladies man. I am not. I met a woman months before I got out who I "clicked" with. There is much more to this than just getting laid. We thoroughly enjoy each other both in and out of bed. ballofconfusion - I love you, babe... |
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Post by ballofconfusion on Aug 17, 2017 14:18:38 GMT -5
shamwow - I love you too. You know you have my heart.
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Post by Caris on Aug 17, 2017 21:23:51 GMT -5
I've been out 8 weeks - nothing so far Wouldn't know where to start It's not like it is in the movies... Same here. I feel lost when someone shows interest in me. As long as they don't give me compliments, and keep the conversation non romantic, I'm okay, but if they say something nice about my looks, I become very uncomfortable, even have tears well up, and think they are making fun of me. I steer the conversation to something else. This is online, so they don't know I'm almost in tears. I'm not used to it, and I don't believe them. 8-weeks is not long, so take comfort that after 2-years, I still don't know how to handle anything romantic. |
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Post by lyn on Aug 18, 2017 3:08:18 GMT -5
I've been out 8 weeks - nothing so far Wouldn't know where to start It's not like it is in the movies... Same here. I feel lost when someone shows interest in me. As long as they don't give me compliments, and keep the conversation non romantic, I'm okay, but if they say something nice about my looks, I become very uncomfortable, even have tears well up, and think they are making fun of me. I steer the conversation to something else. This is online, so they don't know I'm almost in tears. I'm not used to it, and I don't believe them. 8-weeks is not long, so take comfort that after 2-years, I still don't know how to handle anything romantic. I sometimes experience something similar with regard to compliments from men. For me, it stems (I believe) from feeling scrutinized,j judged, then deemed worthy of a compliment with regard to my appearance. Probably has something to do with wondering, for YEARS, why my h was not attracted to me. I really don't like being complimented on my appearance. To me it's such a superficial part of me, not who I am. YES, I over analyze everything. Tell me I'm intelligent, creative, or funny and I just might melt. |
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