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Post by surfergirl on Apr 2, 2018 16:40:34 GMT -5
I didn’t wait for the divorce.
I needed to have sex to find of it was “all that”. I was a virgin on my wedding night.
I NEEDED to have this information. Like, what if I don’t even like sex? I would 100% stay in the marriage. Now that I know what I’m missing.....well, papers are going through court.
It really is HOT. I can’t even imagine how good it could be with someone who sees, knows, and loves me. 😢
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Post by tiredofbeinglonely on Apr 15, 2018 15:48:03 GMT -5
I don't see many options currently...but man, after having sex less than once a year for the last 24 years, I would sure like to find someone!
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Post by elkclan2 on Apr 23, 2018 11:42:01 GMT -5
I already had an affair partner from my SM days. I continued to have sex with him. I dated but didn't have sex with anyone else until I met my current partner- about two years after separating.
First sex with him was good, but not as good as with my affair partner. But that was to be expected, I had super hot sex with my AP and we'd been together for quite a while so knew what each other liked. For sure, sex with my AP was the best sex I'd ever had. I didn't actually expect to find better. Quality of sex now exceeds that I'd had with my AP (not by much, it has to be said, but that would be hard!), the quality of the relationship is also amazing and the quantity is better than I expected to find or even want.
I don't think those of us who are in an SM can really know how much sex we will want in an environment of plenty. I thought I would be perfectly happy 2-3 times a week - ecstatic even! I didn't think 7-10 times a week would be my new normal. I'm sure it will drop as time goes on, and that's fine. But we're now a year into the relationship and that feels good and normal for now.
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tsm
Junior Member
Posts: 44 
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Post by tsm on Jun 8, 2018 7:21:02 GMT -5
It is now 8 months out, and while there have been a few dippings of the toe into the water it is only now that I have started anything like an actual relationship.
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Post by ironhamster on Jun 10, 2018 10:08:47 GMT -5
I did not wait. Once I realized the hopelessness of my situation I could not cope with the possibility that this was all there was, but I could not bare the thought of disrupting my last daughter's home life with a divorce. My stbx, on the other hand, who not once had considered denying intimacy to her spouse as a lack of integrity, said that a divorce was the only way she could live with integrity.
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Post by Caris on Jun 11, 2018 15:01:38 GMT -5
Eight months separated and two weeks divorced. I barely see people at all, much less share intimacy ... I don’t even know if I have it in me anymore to have any kind of human relationship. I’m starting to think that I shouldn’t even bother. I so understand where you are coming from. I think that point has been reached for me, and I don’t bother at all. It’s makes it slightly easier to bear if I just think of myself as old and undesirable to quash any expectations. I try to not have any hope at all, but I guess there is always a small flame of hope burning in the human heart for what we need, but can’t have. I wish that small flame would go out, but maybe it keeps me alive. |
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Post by novembercomingfire on Jun 24, 2018 18:26:48 GMT -5
Eight months separated and two weeks divorced. I barely see people at all, much less share intimacy ... I don’t even know if I have it in me anymore to have any kind of human relationship. I’m starting to think that I shouldn’t even bother. I so understand where you are coming from. I think that point has been reached for me, and I don’t bother at all. It’s makes it slightly easier to bear if I just think of myself as old and undesirable to quash any expectations. I try to not have any hope at all, but I guess there is always a small flame of hope burning in the human heart for what we need, but can’t have. I wish that small flame would go out, but maybe it keeps me alive. And i still have made no progress at 4 months divorced. I shouldn’t say “progress.” I have made no attempt at all. This is the not the same world that existed more than 20 years ago when i connected with my ex. I don’t recognize what it is that women want now and with me being older, more out of shape, more isolated, etc. I tend to think that there isn’t any hope for me. Of course, maybe this is just the way it should be for me. Maybe what i am supposed to be is celibate and alone. I guess i’ll find out in the long term. |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jun 24, 2018 19:14:17 GMT -5
My matchmaker senses are tingling  |
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Post by Caris on Aug 11, 2018 17:33:34 GMT -5
I so understand where you are coming from. I think that point has been reached for me, and I don’t bother at all. It’s makes it slightly easier to bear if I just think of myself as old and undesirable to quash any expectations. I try to not have any hope at all, but I guess there is always a small flame of hope burning in the human heart for what we need, but can’t have. I wish that small flame would go out, but maybe it keeps me alive. And i still have made no progress at 4 months divorced. I shouldn’t say “progress.” I have made no attempt at all. This is the not the same world that existed more than 20 years ago when i connected with my ex. I don’t recognize what it is that women want now and with me being older, more out of shape, more isolated, etc. I tend to think that there isn’t any hope for me. Of course, maybe this is just the way it should be for me. Maybe what i am supposed to be is celibate and alone. I guess i’ll find out in the long term. True, it is not the same world, and we are not the same people from 20-30 years ago. I won’t attempt to give you advice. It didn’t work for me because like everyone else, I am a unique individual that has to deal with whatever in my own way, and own time. The same goes for you. If it makes you feel any better, I’m 3-years out, and still not had one date, and like you, I haven’t tried because I wasn’t ready. I miss having a partner in my life, but at this stage, I’ve also become used to being alone a lot, and enjoy my space, and my own company. However, it was terribly hard at the start, so I understand how it feels. When you are ready to be less solitary, you will be, but factor in that you may lean more to solitude if it’s part of your personality. I go out more now than I did in the last decade, yet I spend more time alone than with other people, but maybe that’s also because I haven’t made deep connections in my “new” city. I don’t know, but it’s easier to be alone now than it was at the start. |
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