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Post by Deleted on Aug 30, 2017 15:25:09 GMT -5
We just had a lovely vacation that was sexless and yet the morning after we came back we had sex. I am beginning to think that one way of keeping the show on the road (we have young kids) is to stop categorising things like holidays and birthdays and anniversaries as must have sex occasions, keep as much positivity going as I can and try to engineer everyday opportunities. It's like a full time job but I am not ready for any other possibility . I might have an SM in the making but i am gonna fight to the death before declaring it dead I really hope this works for you. |
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Post by Apocrypha on Sept 3, 2017 13:15:43 GMT -5
We just had a lovely vacation that was sexless and yet the morning after we came back we had sex. I am beginning to think that one way of keeping the show on the road (we have young kids) is to stop categorising things like holidays and birthdays and anniversaries as must have sex occasions, keep as much positivity going as I can and try to engineer everyday opportunities. It's like a full time job but I am not ready for any other possibility . I might have an SM in the making but i am gonna fight to the death before declaring it dead I'm assuming you are in the same marriage as your partner, whether on the vacation days or on the regular days,. On all of those days you want sex with your partner, and your partner doesn't want it with you. You could zoom in to just the vacation days, when perhaps you are in a beautiful place that makes you feel romantic and hoping to indulge in all manner of pleasure, and rationalize "why should it be any worse or better?" You have a point in trying to be positive. But is your partner engineering possibilities? If it is the circumstance that prevents your partner, then why isn't it preventing YOU? If you choose to think it's no more important that you don't bang on vacation than it is on any other day, doesn't it follow that it's very important that to your partner that they do not bang you on vacation, nor any other day? What about that? |
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Post by solitarysoul on Sept 4, 2017 14:40:41 GMT -5
I think to my W, sex is work and not pleasure....
Who wants to work while on vacation?
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Post by Deleted on Sept 4, 2017 21:01:53 GMT -5
We have had sexless vacations for at least 8 years.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Sept 20, 2017 0:26:08 GMT -5
Vacation sex is overated as it is usually reserved for new couples with no kids. Once married a vacation is just that a vacation from sex.
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Post by h on Sept 20, 2017 5:20:52 GMT -5
Vacation sex is overated as it is usually reserved for new couples with no kids. Once married a vacation is just that a vacation from sex. Been married for 9 years and have no kids. Only had vacation sex once, on our honeymoon, and it only happened the one time. Having no kids is no guarantee of getting any... |
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 20, 2017 6:12:52 GMT -5
"Vacation sex is overated as it is usually reserved for new couples with no kids. Once married a vacation is just that a vacation from sex."
True only for people in sexless marriages and sexless relationships. I'm out of my sm and 4 years in a post sm relationship. We enjoy sex. About 3 times a week when we are not on vacation, twice as much when we are. We are in our mid 60s.
Friends who are from mid 40s to older than us -/ also relate sexy times.
When I was in my sm, I never had sex. That included vacations including in some of the world's most romantic places.. After 8 straight years of absolutely no sex, I finally understood that to have a chance of having sex again, I'd have to leave the marriage.
What you do with your life is your choice.
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Post by hopingforachange on Sept 20, 2017 6:25:48 GMT -5
Vacation sex is overated as it is usually reserved for new couples with no kids. Once married a vacation is just that a vacation from sex. Quit fooling yourself. Vacation sex is amazing, your both around each other all day and have a different bed to have sex in. The W and I finally had vacation sex on a recient trip and it was amazing. She even said she didn't realize how I different a different bed changes sex. Her normal on top movements were different because of the difference between our normal spring mattress and the hotel foam mattress. And since the bed frame was mounted to the wall, we didn't have to worry about the bed sliding. It made the normal sex, new again. |
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Post by Apocrypha on Sept 21, 2017 12:46:02 GMT -5
When I went to a beautiful resort with my family after a long and fraught conflict over marital dysfunction and the resulting lack of sex, we had a nice time, I think. I did, anyway. I kept thinking I wanted to return one day for a do over with someone who took joy in my company. We did have sex once - but it was obvious (afterwards) that it was done as a favour or treat and not something desired.
It was a romantic place, but I didn't let it stop me from going to walk on the beach at night too look at stars, while enjoying a rum and a cigar, alone. Sex aside, when I paid attention, it felt very much like I was attending this place with my ex-wife/co-parent. I felt something approaching jealousy in the desire for companionship and I think I would have felt better with her not there, than with the constant disappointment of her conspicuous lack of participation with me.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 21, 2017 15:30:17 GMT -5
Nothing on wedding night, nothing on honeymoon, and I can only remember once during vacation...
And now with a child everything is going to continue as always... sexless. I believe it is a great excuse for him now.
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Post by Apocrypha on Sept 22, 2017 13:11:55 GMT -5
Nothing on wedding night, nothing on honeymoon, and I can only remember once during vacation... And now with a child everything is going to continue as always... sexless. I believe it is a great excuse for him now. It's a stupid excuse. What's he suggesting? - that people with a child don't have sex? You have a child. Don't you want sex?
You both are faced with the same situation and making the same choice:He is in a marriage in which, for his reasons (because he doesn't want to), he isn't in a place where having sex with his partner is a viable or attractive option, and he is choosing to remain in the lifestyle arrangement. You are in a marriage in which, for your reasons (because he doesn't want to), you aren't in a place where having sex with your partner is a viable or attractive option, and you are choosing to remain in the lifestyle arrangement. I think what happens for most people (me included) is that we present a case with the magical expectation that this should change the reason for avoiding/not wanting sex. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2017 15:21:31 GMT -5
Nothing on wedding night, nothing on honeymoon, and I can only remember once during vacation... And now with a child everything is going to continue as always... sexless. I believe it is a great excuse for him now. It's a stupid excuse. What's he suggesting? - that people with a child don't have sex? You have a child. Don't you want sex?
You both are faced with the same situation and making the same choice:He is in a marriage in which, for his reasons (because he doesn't want to), he isn't in a place where having sex with his partner is a viable or attractive option, and he is choosing to remain in the lifestyle arrangement. You are in a marriage in which, for your reasons (because he doesn't want to), you aren't in a place where having sex with your partner is a viable or attractive option, and you are choosing to remain in the lifestyle arrangement. I think what happens for most people (me included) is that we present a case with the magical expectation that this should change the reason for avoiding/not wanting sex. Yes, I agree. It's a stupid excuse. That's why I want to leave him, I'm tired of this and I'm not making the same choice. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2017 16:42:20 GMT -5
Vacation sex is overated as it is usually reserved for new couples with no kids. Once married a vacation is just that a vacation from sex. Since my deal was not sexless from the beginning, I can refute that. Until the change in Mr. Kat, we did tend to particularly enjoy vacation sex. So, I was really upset when we got to a point of no vacation sex. Even on a rare trip to the Bahamas. For my birthday. Which I paid for. |
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Post by tirefire on Sept 23, 2017 8:49:39 GMT -5
Vacation sex is overated as it is usually reserved for new couples with no kids. Once married a vacation is just that a vacation from sex. Dude. I love your avatar! Couples I know that have it going on take vacations without the kids. If one of you wants to do that and the other doesn't, that tells the other party where they stand priority wise. In my case, my wife would say the marriage is a priority but ironically I am probably number 7 or 8. |
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Post by ironhamster on Sept 23, 2017 11:37:41 GMT -5
The last family vacation we took was in a condo large enough for separate sleeping quarters for everyone.
One night the topic came up of a couple friends of ours going through a divorce, and I was quick to point out what we knew, that the guy was not contributing, not putting out, and his wife had every right to kick him to the curb.
I was not ready to do the same, but my wife sure picked up on it. You'd think that would have lit a fire under her ass. Nope.
That was three months before I came across this group. I really think that, if that event happened today, I'd be much better equipped to handle it better.
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