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Post by Chatter Fox on Aug 13, 2017 17:56:47 GMT -5
Didn't think there was such a thing until I got married. It's not like our vacations aren't exciting and fulfilling in every other way. Seems like I had more sex on holidays payed by the bank of mum and dad and that was a while ago. I can totally relate. I'm on vacation right now. We have room arrangements where we have our kids sleeping in the same room as us. My mother in law, who is also on the trip, jokingly said to me "looks like no sex THIS year on vacation, huh?" when she saw our sleeping arrangements. I had to bite my tongue because I so badly wanted to say "it's no different than any other vacation over the past 12 years of marriage with your daughter.". Luckily, I'm an expert tongue biter. |
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Post by DryCreek on Aug 13, 2017 17:59:38 GMT -5
Chatter Fox, so don't bite your tongue. If MIL wants to make references to sex, she's opened the door for an unfiltered answer. Not much to be gained by covering for W.
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Post by northstarmom on Aug 13, 2017 18:03:10 GMT -5
"Ihad to bite my tongue because I so badly wanted to say "it's no different than any other vacation over the past 12 years of marriage with your daughter.". Luckily, I'm an expert tongue biter."
No reason to bite your tongue. You would have been calmly stating the truth and not continuing to fake marital bliss. Why did you choose to share a bedroom with your mil? Sounds creepy.even in a sm I wouldn't have wanted to have my mil in the family bedroom on vacation. And if your mil had a normal respect for marital intimacy she probably would have offered to have the kids sleep with her in her room.
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Post by hopingforachange on Aug 13, 2017 18:35:05 GMT -5
"Ihad to bite my tongue because I so badly wanted to say "it's no different than any other vacation over the past 12 years of marriage with your daughter.". Luckily, I'm an expert tongue biter." No reason to bite your tongue. You would have been calmly stating the truth and not continuing to fake marital bliss. Why did you choose to share a bedroom with your mil? Sounds creepy.even in a sm I wouldn't have wanted to have my mil in the family bedroom on vacation. And if your mil had a normal respect for marital intimacy she probably would have offered to have the kids sleep with her in her room. I read it as beeman/W and kids are in the same room, and the MIL is in another room. But she did open the door to letting her know how badly her daughter has neglected the marriage. |
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 13, 2017 20:07:59 GMT -5
My honeymoon was mostly sexless. Maybe twice or three times in three weeks?
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Post by solitarysoul on Aug 13, 2017 22:24:37 GMT -5
The common thread....our spouses don't see vacation as a time to get closer to us....it's more about going places and doing other things....
When the honeymoon had one bad, quick one...I should have known I was in for a lot of sexless vacations....
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Post by mrslowmaintenance on Aug 13, 2017 22:33:48 GMT -5
"I want to have a lifetime of experiences and adventures with you"
This is both the same and different from what I want... I want those, but I want a nice sized chunk of those to be passionate and sweaty ones.
Ahhh... To have a spouse who thinks you are the best life companion ever
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Post by baza on Aug 14, 2017 0:48:16 GMT -5
Occurs to me that in the *average* marriage, and because of work and other committments, one does not see ones spouse 24/7.
And, in an ILIASM shithole environment, your refusive spouse does not want to fuck you, even on the limited opportunities available.
So why one would expect that to alter because of more time together - say in a holiday environment - doesn't actually make much sense.
Sure, the holiday environment may provide more "opportunity", but if your spouse isn't interested in the "opportunities" that already exist, then why would they be interested in extra "opportunities" to engage in an activity they aren't interested in ?
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Post by orangepeel on Aug 14, 2017 1:10:42 GMT -5
^^^^^^^^^ Exactly!
As has been said already on this thread, the enormous planet sized truth which is so big that sometimes you can't see it is that if your partner doesn't want sex with you ever, you'll NEVER get them to want sex with you.
I don't want to fuck my dog. Never will. My wife thinks the same about the dog. And me.
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Post by solitarysoul on Aug 14, 2017 7:21:03 GMT -5
"I want to have a lifetime of experiences and adventures with you" This is both the same and different from what I want... I want those, but I want a nice sized chunk of those to be passionate and sweaty ones. Ahhh... To have a spouse who thinks you are the best life companion ever Exactly....our expectations of experiences and adventures is vastly different....and I need to be the one paying for all of it.... |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2017 14:23:18 GMT -5
Didn't think there was such a thing until I got married. It's not like our vacations aren't exciting and fulfilling in every other way. Seems like I had more sex on holidays payed by the bank of mum and dad and that was a while ago. Let me give you a bit of hope. I was refused on the wedding night, and for the rest of the honeymoon. In 28 years of marriage, I never had sex twice in one day. I might have had sex more than 10 times in a year at some point, but I don't remember it. I estimate I was refused over 3000 times. I stopped asking for sex in 2005. There was no sex AT ALL in the last 6 years of my joke of a marriage. My refuser, when asked about this, would become irate and say the following phrase, "It doesn't matter because your penis doesn't even work anymore anyway." I moved out when she told me that I should be happy and fulfilled in a marriage that never included sex. I now have a wonderful girlfriend who is 44 years old, 8 years younger than me. She is blonde, has lovely green eyes, and looks about 35. She is very shapely, and gets looks everywhere we go. She looks at me in a way that no other woman has ever looked at me. She has absolutely no urge to look at any other men because she says that I treat her better in and out of bed than any other man ever has. I spend every weekend at her house. During sex, I typically make her orgasm between 10 and 20 times. We make love the last thing before we go to sleep at night, and first thing in the morning. If I want oral sex, all I do is mention it, and she is already going down on me. I do the same for her. We average about 5-6 lovemaking sessions a day on the weekends. I take her to lunch 1-2 times a week and she absolutely loves it. She really likes that I open doors for her, let her order first in restaurants, and take her elbow when we are walking. She says she feels so cherished by me and she cannot imagine ever losing me. I am pretty sure that I have had more sex with her in the last 8 months than I had with my refuser in 28 years. So for those of you thinking that you may not be better after a divorce, I believe that there is someone of the opposite sex who is dreaming of finding someone like you. |
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Post by carl on Aug 14, 2017 19:44:29 GMT -5
Didn't think there was such a thing until I got married. It's not like our vacations aren't exciting and fulfilling in every other way. Seems like I had more sex on holidays payed by the bank of mum and dad and that was a while ago. Let me give you a bit of hope. I was refused on the wedding night, and for the rest of the honeymoon. In 28 years of marriage, I never had sex twice in one day. I might have had sex more than 10 times in a year at some point, but I don't remember it. I estimate I was refused over 3000 times. I stopped asking for sex in 2005. There was no sex AT ALL in the last 6 years of my joke of a marriage. My refuser, when asked about this, would become irate and say the following phrase, "It doesn't matter because your penis doesn't even work anymore anyway." I moved out when she told me that I should be happy and fulfilled in a marriage that never included sex. I now have a wonderful girlfriend who is 44 years old, 8 years younger than me. She is blonde, has lovely green eyes, and looks about 35. She is very shapely, and gets looks everywhere we go. She looks at me in a way that no other woman has ever looked at me. She has absolutely no urge to look at any other men because she says that I treat her better in and out of bed than any other man ever has. I spend every weekend at her house. During sex, I typically make her orgasm between 10 and 20 times. We make love the last thing before we go to sleep at night, and first thing in the morning. If I want oral sex, all I do is mention it, and she is already going down on me. I do the same for her. We average about 5-6 lovemaking sessions a day on the weekends. I take her to lunch 1-2 times a week and she absolutely loves it. She really likes that I open doors for her, let her order first in restaurants, and take her elbow when we are walking. She says she feels so cherished by me and she cannot imagine ever losing me. I am pretty sure that I have had more sex with her in the last 8 months than I had with my refuser in 28 years. So for those of you thinking that you may not be better after a divorce, I believe that there is someone of the opposite sex who is dreaming of finding someone like you. I always find it makes me feel so much better to know others have suffered the same lonely pain, and your experience of first marriage is what I would call shocking. I think someone said they didn't like to label stuff and neither do I but abusive springs to mind. Sometimes I wish I could divorce. I was close friends at one time during my SM with someone who could of had anyone in this world (and did), but then as now I am needed at home on every level - even for love, just not sex. Things would fall apart for my kids, and ironically for my wife too. If I wasn't needed I might go. |
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Post by baza on Aug 14, 2017 20:46:42 GMT -5
Unless you are in some bumfuck jurisdiction Brother carl , you "could" divorce, as you have the same right to this avenue as anyone else, the same rights as Brother flashjohn had. It is rather a matter of choice. And, on balance, by your calculations of the up (and down) sides to that choice, the sums come up with staying as your preferred option. Just as Brother shamwow chose at one point. And Sister merrygoround chose too. The sums and considerations added up to "staying" as the choice at that moment in time. Me too back in the day when it was my turn in the spin dryer. Indeed I would suggest that EVERY member here was, at the time of joining the group, choosing to stay. And that staying choice is a perfectly legitimate one. Some members, as they "re-do" the sums from time to time, and gather more information, review their present choice. Some of them choose differently in light of their review. Some choose to cheat, some to leave, some re-affirm their choice to stay. All perfectly valid choices. |
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Post by h on Aug 14, 2017 20:52:00 GMT -5
Let me give you a bit of hope. I was refused on the wedding night, and for the rest of the honeymoon. In 28 years of marriage, I never had sex twice in one day. I might have had sex more than 10 times in a year at some point, but I don't remember it. I estimate I was refused over 3000 times. I stopped asking for sex in 2005. There was no sex AT ALL in the last 6 years of my joke of a marriage. My refuser, when asked about this, would become irate and say the following phrase, "It doesn't matter because your penis doesn't even work anymore anyway." I moved out when she told me that I should be happy and fulfilled in a marriage that never included sex. I now have a wonderful girlfriend who is 44 years old, 8 years younger than me. She is blonde, has lovely green eyes, and looks about 35. She is very shapely, and gets looks everywhere we go. She looks at me in a way that no other woman has ever looked at me. She has absolutely no urge to look at any other men because she says that I treat her better in and out of bed than any other man ever has. I spend every weekend at her house. During sex, I typically make her orgasm between 10 and 20 times. We make love the last thing before we go to sleep at night, and first thing in the morning. If I want oral sex, all I do is mention it, and she is already going down on me. I do the same for her. We average about 5-6 lovemaking sessions a day on the weekends. I take her to lunch 1-2 times a week and she absolutely loves it. She really likes that I open doors for her, let her order first in restaurants, and take her elbow when we are walking. She says she feels so cherished by me and she cannot imagine ever losing me. I am pretty sure that I have had more sex with her in the last 8 months than I had with my refuser in 28 years. So for those of you thinking that you may not be better after a divorce, I believe that there is someone of the opposite sex who is dreaming of finding someone like you. I always find it makes me feel so much better to know others have suffered the same lonely pain, and your experience of first marriage is what I would call shocking. I think someone said they didn't like to label stuff and neither do I but abusive springs to mind. Sometimes I wish I could divorce. I was close friends at one time during my SM with someone who could of had anyone in this world (and did), but then as now I am needed at home on every level - even for love, just not sex. Things would fall apart for my kids, and ironically for my wife too. If I wasn't needed I might go. Preventing your kids' lives from falling apart is a reason I can understand. I would not be worrying about your wife's life falling apart if it came to that choice. Worrying about our spouses more than ourselves is how we all ended up in this situation in the first place. |
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Post by casual777 on Aug 30, 2017 1:19:11 GMT -5
We just had a lovely vacation that was sexless and yet the morning after we came back we had sex. I am beginning to think that one way of keeping the show on the road (we have young kids) is to stop categorising things like holidays and birthdays and anniversaries as must have sex occasions, keep as much positivity going as I can and try to engineer everyday opportunities. It's like a full time job but I am not ready for any other possibility . I might have an SM in the making but i am gonna fight to the death before declaring it dead
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