People getting sick of you

Thank you for saying that.

mypaintbrushes,

A very wise friend coached me over the past year on my social network.   Not the virtual one -- the REAL ONE.    Please focus on the REAL one.    It's small and "Likes" come in the form of soft smiles.  

Like you, I own a business and have for the past 24 years.    Most of my "Acquaintances" are employees and clients.   I also have a wife -- as GeekGoddess mentioned -- that's made a cottage industry of undermining my confidence and isolating me from family and friends.   

Here's where you're going:   Toiling into an early grave without true and meaningful relationships.    

I'm not suggesting you ditch the social networking.    It's probably necessary for your business.   But I am suggesting you aggressively reconnect with those 5 close friends and family members that are "Good".   By "Good", I mean hopefully better than you are.    Remember most of us settle to the average of our most significant relationships.    So, make this core Social Network count.   

In my case, I called the high school buddy 1,000 miles away and reconnected.   We met in a central venue and attended a convention.  I called the best man from my wedding, paid for lunch for us to meet and told him about my marriage mess.    I reconnected deeply with my business partner of 24 years (friends for nearly 30).  We had become competing employees in a company with no one above us to make us get along.   And I made a NEW friend of a wiser, older, more spiritually mature man and confided in him all of my personal and business messes.   I meet with this guy at least once per week at a local Starbucks, and we just talk.   He's a super smart and accomplished guy.   

I think this "Mentor" is important.   And as you get comfortable, you might consider mentoring someone yourself.    A competitor maybe.   Get bold. 

And I began individual counseling.    

This past year has changed my life profoundly.    I've experienced a Quantum Change of sorts.   

I know it all sounds cliche, but it's profound, it works, and I don't think there's any alternative to it.   We're social creatures.   REAL™ social creatures.   Recognise that and nurture this almost central feature of your humanity.    

Another thing my Wise Friend told me is 

Evil cannot exist in the Light.  

So, I'm getting all my stuff out into the light.

This seems to be very common among those of us who endure a sexless marriage.  Since we are caring and loving people, when things are not working out, we immediately look at ourselves to see what we have done wrong and what we can do different to correct the situation. 

This is because we tend to be very empathetic and caring people.  So we don't look for ways to blame others for our situation. Instead, we look for things we can do to improve things.

I believe that is why the ILIASM romances are so successful.  You combine TWO people who take personal responsiblity for the relationship and they are constantly trying to build up the other person.  Then you end up with two people who are encouraged and are encouraging each other. 

You will also notice that our spouses are not on websites like these looking to see what they have done wrong, and what they can do to correct the situation.

The same exact point was brought up last night at my Divorce Recovery class. We were going over our Briggs Myers results. It was mentioned how you don't see our spouses coming to these classes, for an entire year, so they can correct the situation, even for themselves. Good luck convincing them that any of this could be their fault.

Another good reason for when the time is right to look for healing from others who have taken a responsible attitude towards righting a SM. Looking for someone who you have something in common with. Something that was very influential in your life.

mypaintbrushes, I keep reading your posts and seeing a pattern of someone who really wants to be liked. That's understandable. I want to be liked too. I kept thinking that I was defective and sought out people who were defective like me. That's not a problem, as we are all defective to some degree. But I was finding some pretty defective women to date. I thought they would be the only ones who would like me. I know I bitch about my wife here. She's nothing compared to some of the women I dated.

After a DUI, I admitted I was an alcoholic. Early in my sobriety, I read on a meeting bulletin board something that has helped me stay sober for 23 years. It was this: "An alcoholic is someone who thinks he or she would be the emperor of the world were it not for a conspiracy between a vengeful god and the people in that person's life." I was trying to run the world my way and fix other people. I decided then and there to quit being the world emperor and worry about me for a change. That involved not taking myself too seriously or worry too much if people liked me or not. I believe I am a nice guy, but I realize there are people who think I am an asshole. Fine! If I'm an asshole, so be it.

In relationships, I tried to be the white knight riding in to save women from all sorts of dragons. As any Game of Thrones fan can tell you, there are women who can handle dragons on their own. If and when I become single again, I will take some time for myself first. Then I will look for a woman who handles dragons well.

So, how does this apply to you? I don't know. I just see a pattern of someone who finds herself wanting and tries to fill the hole within herself with other people. You worry that you are turning people off, yet you still have some close friends. You're doing better than average. It's like Cindy Crawford thinking she is ugly because of the mole on her face.

Outside of your marriage, you are ok. You have your tribe.