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Post by snowman12345 on Jul 15, 2017 22:05:50 GMT -5
Why does choosing to stay forfeit your right to complain? The situation is still unfair for you and airing your grievances keeps your refuser on the hook. It's part of that communication thing - letting them know what your needs are. I do think you need to be vocal. But when that's been done generously, and proven ineffective, what's the point in staying and continuing to complain? For argument's sake, you've been clear, they've heard your grievance, and they're ignoring it; how is continuing to complain going to change anything? I'm not saying the situation stops sucking. But it's clear where both parties stand after some point, and you're left to vote with your feet. If you stay past that point, you're implicitly accepting things as they are. Even someone's support network will grow weary - if you can fix it but choose not to, you'll lose even the most sympathetic ear. Just my perspective. I'm trying to stay. To do that, after many years of trying to influence change, what's left is to find peace with what I have. I'm striving not to complain about it because I've chosen not to "fix" it by leaving. That doesn't mean I don't wish it were better. Your choice - your life. I am just saying if you stop expressing your dissatisfaction you will lead your W to believe that all is well and she is not causing you harm. If that is your idea of being at peace than more power to you. |
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Post by beachguy on Jul 15, 2017 22:09:26 GMT -5
I'm not taking away your right to complain. Are you satisfied with your (duty) sex life with your wife now? I didn't say you wouldn't get a little reset sex. I said no one ever complained their way into a SATISFACTORY sex life.
And if you gave the celibacy is not an option talk, and you were willing to walk, that's not a complaint. That's a totally different level.
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Post by snowman12345 on Jul 15, 2017 22:41:35 GMT -5
I'm not taking away your right to complain. Are you satisfied with your (duty) sex life with your wife now? I didn't say you wouldn't get a little reset sex. I said no one ever complained their way into a SATISFACTORY sex life. And if you gave the celibacy is not an option talk, and you were willing to walk, that's not a complaint. That's a totally different level. I expressed my dissatisfaction (a complaint by definition). I told her what I was going to do about it. She then did what I asked her to do - have sex with me on a continuing basis. How could I not be satisfied with that? It is what I asked for. If I ask for ice cream and get vanilla instead of cherry, how can I complain? I didn't specify. Will I turn down the vanilla - HELL NO. Will I go next door and get some cherry - HELL YES. I have a satisfactory sex life - just don't tell my wife!!!
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Post by beachguy on Jul 15, 2017 22:52:55 GMT -5
Now you're turning your argument into word games
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Post by tamara68 on Jul 16, 2017 3:31:46 GMT -5
I have felt like a victim often, I felt like I didn't have the strength to do something about all the bad luck I had. Also I had a this feeling very long ago about wanting to be taken care of. So I had a mindset that made me very inadequate to deal with the things that life throws on us. Better late than never, I have changed my way of thinking. I can't say I am completely there yet, but I no longer feel like a victim. As baza says, bad things happen in life. If you stop asking 'why me?', you can spend your energy at doing something about it. choices are hard, but the hardest part is not the actual things to do, but to change your way of thinking and start believing that you actually CAN do something about it. That is where it all starts. Despite all things that are still not good in my life, I feel victory about all the improvements and above all about taking my life in my own hands again and doing what I need to be me. I am looking forward to hearing about your victories, and sharing mine with you! I think that's worth a new thread |
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