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Post by carl on Jul 1, 2017 16:27:52 GMT -5
By the way thanks to those who responded to my previous threads. Appreciated.
And I apologise a little for putting this thread. It may make me sound ignorant.We are all different but I wanted to ask this question. I hope that's ok.
I was brought up well to respect women and I do, however just the way things turned out I spent most of my life before marriage in men's company. To be honest I was very sociable and fun loving but tended to hang out with the guys. I feel like as I grew up I got to know a lot of guys well and they knew other guys etc. I know we are all individuals but to be honest I never met a guy who when it came to sex was all that much different.
When I read some of the threads from women that shocked me. So what happens in a SM where a man declines sex the whole time. So I put myself in that woman's position and thought it through. My thoughts moved straight to a letter saying goodbye and a new life away from that man.
So what's the story. How does a woman end up being refused intimacy from her own husband.
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Post by hopingforachange on Jul 1, 2017 17:04:27 GMT -5
There is just as much sexual variation in both woman and men.
The big societal role difference is men are supposed to be the ones constantly asking for sex. Well, to save face with other men, those that don't want sex will talk the assumed talk.
Woman are suppose to be the gate keeps of the sex. So, especially in mixed company are pressured to not say they always want sex.
This must make the SM mind fuck worst for women, because the man no longer desires them and the woman can no long assume the normal role that had been programmed into them thier entire life.
For us men, the programmed societal still work for us. We get to still be the drooling dog but never get the ball thrown.
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Post by beachguy on Jul 1, 2017 17:23:36 GMT -5
Interesting factoid... The gender distribution of the AVEN site members is roughly 1/3 male to 2/3 female. That is the big Internet hangout for asexuals. Not science but a factoid in a subject devoid of good data.
Variation is very different than distribution. Different subjects.
ETA: I can make a very reasoned case that men very well *may* be very over-represented on AVEN. For the same reason women may be over-represented here
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Post by hopingforachange on Jul 1, 2017 18:15:23 GMT -5
beachguyI'm not going to go crazy with this but for determining population sizes, simply using websites populations are not a good for determining population sizes for anything other then the website in question. Simply put self selection is a big no no for weighting up to any population.
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 1, 2017 18:32:05 GMT -5
For a woman just like a man its Hell but it's a different kind of Hell.
Because of the cultural stigma that men always want sex, for women we feel alone, like we are the only woman on Earth whose husband doesn't want us. Whose husband isn't attracted to us. We feel like something is wrong with us. That's what's it's like, a special kind of Hell.
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Post by beachguy on Jul 1, 2017 18:33:11 GMT -5
beachguy I'm not going to go crazy with this but for determining population sizes, simply using websites populations are not a good for determining population sizes for anything other then the website in question. Simply put self selection is a big no no for weighting up to any population. I agree and I look forward to your more scientific numbers ETA: After I clearly stated "Not science but a factoid in a subject devoid of good data." I'm not sure why you're arguing "science" I specifically disclaimed... |
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Post by hopingforachange on Jul 1, 2017 18:42:34 GMT -5
beachguyUnfortunately it will be a long time before we start getting valid population sizes for LGBTA in the USA. There was going to be a section added to the American Communities Survey (previously the decennial census survey long form) but that entire section was killed. Stastics Canada might be collecting the needed data soon, so maybe 3 to 5 years before some of thier data gets released.
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Post by hopingforachange on Jul 1, 2017 18:43:34 GMT -5
For a woman just like a man its Hell but it's a different kind of Hell. Because of the cultural stigma that men always want sex, for women we feel alone, like we are the only woman on Earth whose husband doesn't want us. Whose husband isn't attracted to us. We feel like something is wrong with us. That's what's it's like, a special kind of Hell. I can't bring my self to liking your post, we need a sad/crying option. |
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Post by baza on Jul 1, 2017 18:56:17 GMT -5
This site (and the preceeding EO/ILIASM site) are certainly NOT representative of the *general marital* population.
Never was, never will be.
Rather, it is representative of the very arse end of the *general marital population*.
Those are the ones that filter their way down to this group.
The terminally dysfunctional basket cases.
In the *general marital* population, fixable relationships are fixed via the mediums of counselling, scented candling and suchlike strategies. Such marriages don't appear here real often - if at all. They got fixed a long way back. Long before they degenerated enough to get googling "sexless marriage".
The unfixable deals filter their way down into this group, where the marriages have become so dysfunctional that there isn't even any sex happening.
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Post by seabr33z3 on Jul 1, 2017 19:09:43 GMT -5
I'm not really sure of the point of your post. You ask how a woman comes to be refused intimacy from her own husband? You would need to be asking the man that surely.
Women feel just as frustrated and rejected as men do.
The person you love( loved) and hoped to spend your life with in all it's fullness doesn't want to be with you and often there's no real answer as to why or how to fix it.
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Post by seabr33z3 on Jul 1, 2017 19:16:49 GMT -5
This site (and the preceeding EO/ILIASM site) are certainly NOT representative of the *general marital* population. Never was, never will be. Rather, it is representative of the very arse end of the *general marital population*. Those are the ones that filter their way down to this group. The terminally dysfunctional basket cases. In the *general marital* population, fixable relationships are fixed via the mediums of counselling, scented candling and suchlike strategies. Such marriages don't appear here real often - if at all. They got fixed a long way back. Long before they degenerated enough to get googling "sexless marriage". The unfixable deals filter their way down into this group, where the marriages have become so dysfunctional that there isn't even any sex happening. Cynical me doesn't actually believe this. I struggle to believe that a man really can be someone's rock, their soulmate, their best friend. I don't really care about the soulmate and 'best' friend part. Just be my rock. My friend. My partner. My lover. Be there for me. |
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Post by baza on Jul 1, 2017 19:30:29 GMT -5
This site (and the preceeding EO/ILIASM site) are certainly NOT representative of the *general marital* population. Never was, never will be. Rather, it is representative of the very arse end of the *general marital population*. Those are the ones that filter their way down to this group. The terminally dysfunctional basket cases. In the *general marital* population, fixable relationships are fixed via the mediums of counselling, scented candling and suchlike strategies. Such marriages don't appear here real often - if at all. They got fixed a long way back. Long before they degenerated enough to get googling "sexless marriage". The unfixable deals filter their way down into this group, where the marriages have become so dysfunctional that there isn't even any sex happening. Cynical me doesn't actually believe this. I struggle to believe that a man really can be someone's rock, their soulmate, their best friend. I don't really care about the soulmate and 'best' friend part. Just be my rock. My friend. My partner. My lover. Be there for me. Exactamondo Sister seabr33z3If one has a partner who is ones rock, friend, partner, lover, and is there for you, then it is highly unlikely that one is googling "sexless marriage". |
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Post by beachguy on Jul 1, 2017 19:37:26 GMT -5
Cynical me doesn't actually believe this. I struggle to believe that a man really can be someone's rock, their soulmate, their best friend. I don't really care about the soulmate and 'best' friend part. Just be my rock. My friend. My partner. My lover. Be there for me. Exactamondo Sister seabr33z3If one has a partner who is ones rock, friend, partner, lover, and is there for you, then it is highly unlikely that one is googling "sexless marriage". The Kinsey statistics, when they were more available on the net, suggests otherwise. Most of the people here are in the 50+ yo group, which was scarily celibate per Kinsey stats. This group is but a tiny percentage of miserable married. |
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 1, 2017 20:23:58 GMT -5
I no longer ask "why".
Sometimes when I think about asking a spouse for sex and being ignored my question is "how".
How can the person that is suppose to love you deny you?
I know the answer of course - selfishness.
That's what I think about sometimes.
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Post by Rhapsodee on Jul 1, 2017 20:28:39 GMT -5
As bballgirl says. It is a special kind of hell. A complete mind f¥€k. Men are supposed to want sex. I believe that my husband does want sex. What he doesn't want is to connect with me. I think it is a control issue. He holds himself separate so he can have control. If he gives in to me and my desires he is losing that control. |
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