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Post by solodriver on Jul 1, 2017 20:43:57 GMT -5
For a woman just like a man its Hell but it's a different kind of Hell. Because of the cultural stigma that men always want sex, for women we feel alone, like we are the only woman on Earth whose husband doesn't want us. Whose husband isn't attracted to us. We feel like something is wrong with us. That's what's it's like, a special kind of Hell. bballgirl,
I understand what you mean. But believe me when I tell you that there are men out there (like myself) who would give anything to have a sexually active women in their life. There is nothing wrong with you, just like there is nothing wrong with men who are rejected by their wives. When we give our hearts to someone and they say they love us and give their hearts to us, being able to enjoy a sexual relationship is expected. When we find out that's not what happens we've been blaming ourselves for the reason and the refuser has, in most cases, blamed us. Ask Rhapsodee about that. Her husband blames her for the reason he doesn't want to or can't have sex. For God sakes man, I wish to God these people would do us all a favor and stay the hell out of our paths that we walk in. They lie to us when they make those commitments and those pledges of love. And then there are the refusers who always use that one word to excuse themselves from giving us the love they said they would give us but now won't. The word is "If........." Love is not based on "if" When they use the word "if" that means now the love they claim is conditional. LOVE IS NOT CONDITIONAL!!!!!!!!! When love becomes conditional, then it's no longer love, it's HELL!!
WE ARE NOT THE PROBLEM!! That's why this and other sexless marriage boards are so important. To educate us and help us understand these things. We have members here who have met and share that love sexually and wonderfully that they feel for each other. And I've got to think there are others out there, like ourselves, searching and yearning for that loving, sexually fulfilling relationship that we all want and need.
My hope is to find that person and have the time left in my life to enjoy that loving, sexual relationship to the max before I die.
I'm sorry for my rant. I hurt for people who are going through this day after day, like myself. I wish I could just reach out to all the women who are living in this hell and just hug each of you. It would be wonderful for both of us.
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 1, 2017 20:49:33 GMT -5
As bballgirl says. It is a special kind of hell. A complete mind f¥€k. Men are supposed to want sex. I believe that my husband does want sex. What he doesn't want is to connect with me. I think it is a control issue. He holds himself separate so he can have control. If he gives in to me and my desires he is losing that control. Sexuality can be so psychological. What turns someone on and what doesn't. What's sad is when there's not compatibility and desire. |
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Post by baza on Jul 1, 2017 20:50:10 GMT -5
I have a theory.
When you are having a root, you really are baring yourself emotionally as well as physically, and as the process unfolds, the building tension and pleasure starts to develop its' own momentum, pushing both of you closer and closer to the edge of the cliff, to where you are quivering with anticipation and desire and excitement, right on the verge of coming.
Then over you both go, off the cliff and tumbling, in a freefall, out of control, thrusting, gripping, crying out, convulsing, all on instinct, completely out of control in a joint paroxysm of pleasure. A wild unregulated, uncontrolled ride of giving and receiving.
It's fantastic.
Unless,
you don't like - or even outright fear - being out of control.
In that case, it is a frightening and intimidating thing.
So, you might choose -
(a) - not to get involved in such an activity at all lest you spin out of control. Full refusal.
(b) - only involve yourself up to a point, limiting your participation so you don't go the full 9 yards and remain under control. Starfish sex.
(c) - only involve yourself rarely, say when you want a new frock or similar equivelent.
Anyway, there's a theory to kick the shit out of.
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 1, 2017 20:55:59 GMT -5
For a woman just like a man its Hell but it's a different kind of Hell. Because of the cultural stigma that men always want sex, for women we feel alone, like we are the only woman on Earth whose husband doesn't want us. Whose husband isn't attracted to us. We feel like something is wrong with us. That's what's it's like, a special kind of Hell. bballgirl,
I understand what you mean. But believe me when I tell you that there are men out there (like myself) who would give anything to have a sexually active women in their life. There is nothing wrong with you, just like there is nothing wrong with men who are rejected by their wives. When we give our hearts to someone and they say they love us and give their hearts to us, being able to enjoy a sexual relationship is expected. When we find out that's not what happens we've been blaming ourselves for the reason and the refuser has, in most cases, blamed us. Ask Rhapsodee about that. Her husband blames her for the reason he doesn't want to or can't have sex. God sakes man, I wish to God these people would do us all a favor and stay the hell out of our paths that we walk in. They lie to us when they make those commitments and those pledges of love. And then there are the refusers who always use that one word to excuse themselves from giving us the love they said they would give us but now won't. The word is "If........." Love is not based on "if" When they use the word "if" that means now the love they claim is conditional. LOVE IS NOT CONDITIONAL!!!!!!!!! When love becomes conditional, then it's no longer love, it's HELL!!
WE ARE NOT THE PROBLEM!! That's why this and other sexless marriage boards are so important. To educate us and help us understand these things. We have members here who have met and share that love sexually and wonderfully that they feel for each other. And I've got to think there are others out there, like ourselves, searching and yearning for that loving, sexually fulfilling relationship that we all want and need.
My hope is to find that person and have the time left in my life to enjoy that loving, sexual relationship to the max before I die.
I'm sorry for my rant. I hurt for people who are going through this day after day, like myself. I wish I could just reach out to all the women who are living in this hell and just hug each of you. It would be wonderful for both of us.
That was a beautiful message and here's a {cyber hug}. I hope everyone can find a way to make their lives better and happier by whatever means works for their situation. {cyber hug to everyone} |
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Post by solodriver on Jul 1, 2017 21:52:28 GMT -5
I have a theory. When you are having a root, you really are baring yourself emotionally as well as physically, and as the process unfolds, the building tension and pleasure starts to develop its' own momentum, pushing both of you closer and closer to the edge of the cliff, to where you are quivering with anticipation and desire and excitement, right on the verge of coming. Then over you both go, off the cliff and tumbling, in a freefall, out of control, thrusting, gripping, crying out, convulsing, all on instinct, completely out of control in a joint paroxysm of pleasre. A wild unregulated, uncontrolled ride of giving and receiving. It's fantastic. Unless, you don't like being out of control. In that case, it is a frightening and intimidating thing. So, you might choose - (a) - not to get involved in such an activity at all lest you spin out of control. Full refusal. (b) - only involve yourself up to a point, limiting your participation so you don't go the full 9 yards and remain under control. Starfish sex. (c) - only involve yourself rarely, say when you want a new frock or similar equivelent. Anyway, there's a theory to kick the shit out of. I wanna be out of control all the time with someone else who loves to be out of control, like a roller coaster ride every time.  |
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Post by darktippedrose on Jul 2, 2017 0:49:54 GMT -5
Its painful and confusing. I was 19 when I got married. I'd never really been in a relationship before. And my husband started rejecting me for sex.
Rejection hurts so bad.
and yes, a lot of us girls are programmed to expect that men love and NEED sex quite often.
when he doesn't want it, or at least not with you, it hurts.
I could go on and on and on about it, but it hurts. Its confusing. You sit with women joking that all men think about is sex and they can't stand being touched by their men.
You feel isolated. You feel like maybe you aren't meant for relationships, or that no man will ever be attracted to you, and that you must be the only one experiencing this.
it hurts.
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Post by DryCreek on Jul 2, 2017 3:34:41 GMT -5
Unless, you don't like - or even outright fear - being out of control. In that case, it is a frightening and intimidating thing. So, you might choose - (a) - not to get involved in such an activity at all lest you spin out of control. Full refusal. (b) - only involve yourself up to a point, limiting your participation so you don't go the full 9 yards and remain under control. Starfish sex. There's a fair bit of substance to this theory. W refuses to allow herself to enjoy it (at least, that's my story and I'm sticking to it) for fear of being out of control and (gasp!) doing something embarrassing. And if you don't enjoy it, why would you ever want it? It's a sad way to go through life. Or maybe not. I often wonder if she even comprehends what she's missing out on. |
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Post by seabr33z3 on Jul 2, 2017 4:54:04 GMT -5
Unless, you don't like - or even outright fear - being out of control. In that case, it is a frightening and intimidating thing. So, you might choose - (a) - not to get involved in such an activity at all lest you spin out of control. Full refusal. (b) - only involve yourself up to a point, limiting your participation so you don't go the full 9 yards and remain under control. Starfish sex. There's a fair bit of substance to this theory. W refuses to allow herself to enjoy it (at least, that's my story and I'm sticking to it) for fear of being out of control and (gasp!) doing something embarrassing. And if you don't enjoy it, why would you ever want it? It's a sad way to go through life. Or maybe not. I often wonder if she even comprehends what she's missing out on. Which in itself is actually selfish as it's all about her. |
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Post by nancyb on Jul 2, 2017 6:44:20 GMT -5
For a woman just like a man its Hell but it's a different kind of Hell. Because of the cultural stigma that men always want sex, for women we feel alone, like we are the only woman on Earth whose husband doesn't want us. Whose husband isn't attracted to us. We feel like something is wrong with us. That's what's it's like, a special kind of Hell. Thankyou bballgirl for so succinctly summing up the situation. You are absolutely correct. |
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Post by ironhamster on Jul 2, 2017 7:13:15 GMT -5
For a woman just like a man its Hell but it's a different kind of Hell. Because of the cultural stigma that men always want sex, for women we feel alone, like we are the only woman on Earth whose husband doesn't want us. Whose husband isn't attracted to us. We feel like something is wrong with us. That's what's it's like, a special kind of Hell. Thankyou bballgirl for so succinctly summing up the situation. You are absolutely correct. I hope this is some consolation, and that I'm not revealing TMI. I've had some intimate conversations with women in sexless marriages, and, for the record, none on this board. Tastes and techniques may vary, but one thing that is 100% consistent is that we are left with the impression that the others spouse is a damned fool. Trust me, ladies. The problem's not you. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2017 22:07:05 GMT -5
I'm with bballgirl and rhapsodee here. 110%. It's a special kind of hell to think you are the only woman on the block whose husband isn't chasing her around the house for sex (oh, how I wish). It is a major control issue and a form of psychological abuse. Withholding becomes the punishment and the method of gaining the upper hand. Seems like cutting off your nose to spite your face, if you ask me. Either way, it's incredibly painful and demoralizing, to say the least. I've about had all I can take myself. This fall, we'll reach a new milestone, one year of sexlessness. I'll be declaring the marriage dead in the water at that point and planning accordingly. I don't care to play this game anymore. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2017 14:42:35 GMT -5
What bballgirl, Rhapsodee, darktippedrose, and @elle all said. I expected to have no sex life any more when I was in my 70s. I'll probably look terrible and have health problems, so I wouldn't blame men for not wanting me. But this started when I was in my mid-40s. While I am no supermodel, I have been considered attractive by men. And I see a lot of people out there who look worse than I do - including people who are younger than me. Plus, I know for a fact that it doesn't have to be about looks or age. I know some people personally who might not be the best-looking people, but they seem to be happily partnered. I also know of people older than me who have a good sex life. So, what everybody said before - society has this story that the man is horny all the time, and will always want it more than the woman. When you are a woman who wants sex more than your man does, it is pretty much guaranteed (given societal brainwashing) that you will feel ashamed and hurt, and think that something terrible must be wrong with you. |
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Post by hopingforachange on Jul 4, 2017 9:25:06 GMT -5
@smartkat Ithought that way about being old, until I read the STD infection rates in the senior center. When you are 70, there will be 70 year old men lining up. Modern medican will keep the equipment working for both sexes.
We will look just as terrible but we won't care as well.
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Post by mrslowmaintenance on Jul 4, 2017 12:03:53 GMT -5
By the way thanks to those who responded to my previous threads. Appreciated. And I apologise a little for putting this thread. It may make me sound ignorant.We are all different but I wanted to ask this question. I hope that's ok. I was brought up well to respect women and I do, however just the way things turned out I spent most of my life before marriage in men's company. To be honest I was very sociable and fun loving but tended to hang out with the guys. I feel like as I grew up I got to know a lot of guys well and they knew other guys etc. I know we are all individuals but to be honest I never met a guy who when it came to sex was all that much different. When I read some of the threads from women that shocked me. So what happens in a SM where a man declines sex the whole time. So I put myself in that woman's position and thought it through. My thoughts moved straight to a letter saying goodbye and a new life away from that man. So what's the story. How does a woman end up being refused intimacy from her own husband. "I never met a guy who when it came to sex was all that much different" Talking to my H, you wouldn't know that he is a refuser. Because he is getting the amount of sex he wants, he feels like our sex life is great. He feels like he has a normal sex drive and never goes into detailed specifics of frequency and reload time, so his conversation would sound like he enjoys sex and has a lot. It took me three years of boyfriend's to finally be able to lose my virginity so I suppose I have always been used to guys not actually being interested in sex. For my H and I, we hooked up as a one night stand and then he asked me to stay, so the beginning of our relationship was literally based on sex. The stress of the wedding slowed us down and that was compounded with my mood swings when I tried birth control. When he lost his job it was the nail in the coffin, all his desire for intimacy died. We have come back from that worst part a bit, but I am still not where I want to be. Now how it is for me, imagine: Being told you are lucky Being told that maybe you just need to lose weight Being told that I am just not trying Everyone assuming he is having an affair Or that I am Or being told I am probably just making sex too hard for him |
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Post by JMX on Jul 6, 2017 21:56:57 GMT -5
All the other ladies have said it pretty well but I have to join the chorus because that is what I do. I cannot tell you how many times a tear has streamed down my face when a friend has intimated how much she has to fight her husband off to get a good night's rest. Because I am pretty open and honest, I quietly wipe the tear away - so they don't see me sad, and then tell that bitch to fuck her husband. And then, I joke if she won't then I will! It's a joke rooted in truth. It's always the things you don't see, no? The things you never expect to have to deal with in life that are the real bugaboos. I, like the other women have stated, never envisioned that I would be in THIS particular situation. It's simply "not done" in television, movies and books. It was never on my radar - except maybe Peggy Bundy. I never had one boyfriend before marriage that didn't want it most all of the time. I never had one that didn't want to go down on me. I would have been the perfect wife - for most husbands. I sometimes wonder / if bballgirl 's summation isn't my own "special hell" that I am supposed to endure on this earth? I am not even religious - however - is this the trial I picked? To want to be loved so desperately and not loved in return? I literally love most everyone. I can make it work with most anyone. Yet, I remain the most alone. I am alone WITH someone else. I really thought I had found someone that loved me for ME. I am not beautiful - I am cute. I am not extremely successful / but I am more than above average, I am basically smart, witty and people gravitate towards me in social situations. My limits have been tested. I know who I am now. Maybe I had to go through this to figure that out. But, man, that was and remains some soul-destroying shit. To second-guess yourself every day, and constantly be in your own head, taking stock of your attributes, you flaws, the times you win, the times you mess up and to still come on the side (objectively) that you are pretty awesome, is hard stuff. I go through this every day. I don't wish this on any woman. Not even the bitchy wife refusers while I dream about fucking their husbands. At least they knew their husbands were mad about them first. |
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