Divorce and Celibacy

I fail to meet the criteria Sister Caris .

I got out of my deal in Oct 2009, and to me, that was a really good thing in and of itself. A stand alone issue.

Now as another stand alone issue, the way the cards fell for me ended up with me being in the relationship of my life.

The cards could very easily have fallen differently, and I could very easily be writing this from a perspective of being out of my ILIASM deal, and having not had a root since.

FWIW, I think Sister pointbreakgirl might fit the criteria, but I haven't seen her on here for quite a while.

Not at all. What is the opposite of Celibate? That is what I am.

That being said, a conscious decision to lay off even dating and spend time with myself for say 3 months / six months seems a very good idea.

I have not been celibate since a very "traumatically long" dry spell during my teen age years ( I am in my late 40s).

A walk, holding hands, and a bicycle ride don't sound bad at all. To me, these seem like they could be very intimate acts depending on your connection. I could easily see this leading to more if this is what you choose to pursue.

Well once a every 6 months to a year is not really "celibate" is it? 

There is "Fasting" and eating a starvation diet seems like a pretty good analogy to me (half a bowl of rice as opposed to pure starvation) - it all depends on how we define the term. 
 

Thanks for understanding this. I guess what I need to begin with is Trust, and someone to converse with and do things with without romance coming into it. Not feeling pressured because I can't deal with more pressure and stress at this time, and someone trying to get me into bed when I don't even know them feels like pressure to me. I suppose I need a good male friend first, and then let nature take her course.

Then there is my own problem with not feeling attractive or desirable to men. How I overcome that I don't know because I see the aging that's taken place, and I don't like what I see, so maybe I won't overcome it. If I don't like how I look, then how can a man like how I look. 25-years of rejection coupled with the ravages of aging does not leave me in a place of confidence about being desirable, so I try to accept the inevitable growing old alone, but the lack of touch and comfort is slowly killing me.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.
Dating does not resemble what it was 40 years ago, but seeing as how most of those marriages ended up in divorce anyway (or just unhappy marriages one "endured") I don't see that as such a "bad thing."
If lack of touch is slowly killing you, consider a sexual friendship. There are dating sites revolved around that and it's great because it takes all the guess-work out of it - you both want sex. The men who want sex often want it for the same reasons you do: touch, intimacy, warmth, connection. They are mostly all pretty damn normal men. Then you are taking your sexual life in your own hands.
Yes, you can let nature take it's course, but you said you don't meet men and you are not around them.
It's a new world and the internet is full of opportunities.

I find I feel best about myself when I am actively taking care of myself. Are you taking care of yourself?

I didn't feel desirable at first, either, but soon found out men DID desire me (as is) and weren't afraid to show it. That was a lifesaver for me. I don't regret a single encounter - in fact, those are things in life that give a spark to our smiles when we are even older and grayer and only left with the memories. You will never be this young again, embrace it.

Be open to receive the wonderful things this life does have to offer.

I eventually wanted more - I wanted a loving relationship AND sex - now I have that. If something were to happen to my husband and/or this relationship, I could see me being very happy just staying single from here on out with a sexual friendship on the side. I don't think I would have it in me to find the great love once more. But, I guess one never knows. The point is, I will own my sexuality and not be afraid to pursue sexual relationships at any age, whether I am in a LTR (as I am now, married - I pursue sex within this relationship) or whether I am single (because I have learned you CAN have sexual friendships).

No, it's not always "easy" and life can get messy, but that's what life is, regardless of what we are doing. It's just as messy doing nothing. Regret is often stronger when we do nothing than when we take a chance.

Just my 2 cents worth.... take it or toss it in the well. Either way, I hope you find inner peace and fulfillment.