|
|
Post by beachguy on Jun 27, 2017 15:26:16 GMT -5
Then I'm confused as to why you are in this group, if you haven't been celibate since a teenager. I guess your marriage was sexless, but you had sex with others. Well once a every 6 months to a year is not really "celibate" is it? There is "Fasting" and eating a starvation diet seems like a pretty good analogy to me (half a bowl of rice as opposed to pure starvation) - it all depends on how we define the term. I've often suspected that even typical priests and nuns get more than once or twice a year. IOW as far as I'm concerned that is far more than celibate enough. |
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Jun 27, 2017 16:22:33 GMT -5
It's sort of funny how sex is working out following my divorce. Since separating roughly 23 months ago I have been intimate with 3 women, one of whom was my X wife. I've had PIV 4 times and 3 BJ's. So it's working out to be about every 3 months, and that's just about the same time frame as when I was married. I have a new partner now so I hope to be improving those numbers.
PS....No back door activity during this period, but my new partner ask me if I liked anal because she does, so I plan to bring some joy into both our lives.
|
|
|
|
Post by dinnaken on Jun 27, 2017 16:34:30 GMT -5
Hi Caris,
I'm still celibate but then I am only four days out of my marriage so perhaps I should give it a bit more time!
But seriously...
Your comments ring true with me. One of the saddest moments for me in the last few years occurred in the office at work. A colleague, a single mum, came into the office to use the photocopier. I find this woman very attractive (she's funny, witty, sharp and joyful) and I drifted off into a fantasy involving her.
It was only after she left the office that I realised that I hadn't fantasised about sex, I'd fantasised about her sitting on my knees; I found myself wondering what it would be like to feel the weight of another person's body on mine, to feel the touch, the warmth of another person.
For me, if anything sums up the devastating effect on a person of years with no intimacy, it is that memory.
At the moment Caris, I find intimacy in chatting to female friends - talking about hopes and fears for the kids over a cup of tea or the few minutes walking to our cars at the end of the day and knowing that as they say 'have a good night' they mean it.
Where I go in the future I can't say, it's too early days but I do appreciate what you say.
All the best
|
|
|
|
Post by Caris on Jun 27, 2017 18:45:51 GMT -5
Hi Caris, I'm still celibate but then I am only four days out of my marriage so perhaps I should give it a bit more time! But seriously... Your comments ring true with me. One of the saddest moments for me in the last few years occurred in the office at work. A colleague, a single mum, came into the office to use the photocopier. I find this woman very attractive (she's funny, witty, sharp and joyful) and I drifted off into a fantasy involving her. It was only after she left the office that I realised that I hadn't fantasised about sex, I'd fantasised about her sitting on my knees; I found myself wondering what it would be like to feel the weight of another person's body on mine, to feel the touch, the warmth of another person. For me, if anything sums up the devastating effect on a person of years with no intimacy, it is that memory. At the moment Caris, I find intimacy in chatting to female friends - talking about hopes and fears for the kids over a cup of tea or the few minutes walking to our cars at the end of the day and knowing that as they say 'have a good night' they mean it. Where I go in the future I can't say, it's too early days but I do appreciate what you say. All the best What a lovely response. I understand completely what you mean. For me, it used to be "yearning to be held or hugged." I wondered what it would feel like, then that fell away after years (most likely because my mind decided it was futile), so that was replaced for someone to hold my hand while walking. I longed for it. It is a terrible deprivation of the soul/being to not be touched with love and affection for years on end. My late husband came to stay for a visit a while back. One day my need to just have my hand held was overwhelming, so as we got out of the car, I told him my foot was hurting, so would he mind holding my hand as I was limping. My foot was sore, and I was limping, but I really wanted human touch. It was the first and last time I held his hand, in years. Now he has gone, I'm so glad I have that memory. My hand has never been held since, but would love to walk holding hands again. Something so simple, and yet so hard to find. I even thought of advertising for a "hand holder." š My best wishes are with you. It's early days yet. Give yourself time to process this major life change. Be well. |
|
|
|
Post by montyray on Jun 27, 2017 22:57:14 GMT -5
Yes I am celibate. Don't like it. Been celibate for over 5 years. I have been able to date a couple of women but nothing romantic or anything close to sex. Divorced only for 2+ months now. Better off on my on but would jump at the chance to have sex or love making with a woman. I don't see the end of this tunnel right now, but I can only hope.
|
|
|
|
Post by Caris on Jun 28, 2017 0:47:47 GMT -5
Yes I am celibate. Don't like it. Been celibate for over 5 years. I have been able to date a couple of women but nothing romantic or anything close to sex. Divorced only for 2+ months now. Better off on my on but would jump at the chance to have sex or love making with a woman. I don't see the end of this tunnel right now, but I can only hope. I hope you find what you need. No one should suffer deprivation like this. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2017 17:10:32 GMT -5
Yes I am celibate. Don't like it. Been celibate for over 5 years. I have been able to date a couple of women but nothing romantic or anything close to sex. Divorced only for 2+ months now. Better off on my on but would jump at the chance to have sex or love making with a woman. I don't see the end of this tunnel right now, but I can only hope. Buddy, you need to hop back on that train asap. What is stopping you? |
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Jun 30, 2017 7:34:36 GMT -5
Yes I am celibate. Don't like it. Been celibate for over 5 years. I have been able to date a couple of women but nothing romantic or anything close to sex. Divorced only for 2+ months now. Better off on my on but would jump at the chance to have sex or love making with a woman. I don't see the end of this tunnel right now, but I can only hope. So what's going on guy? You don't have any history I can find to say anything about your situation. If the idea of romancing the pants off a woman is a bit too much for you at this point there are plenty of pros who can help you easy back into PIV lane. You can be creative with them and role play a GFE. |
|
|
|
Post by isoldeblue on Jul 4, 2017 3:31:10 GMT -5
I delighted in being not-celibate when I left my SM. I hadn't dated in about 22 years, and we all have our insecurities, but I just did it. You would be amazed how many people will find you interesting, fun, attractive, desirable. (As one woman said years ago, remember that you're beautiful - and most men aren't exactly sleeping with Kate Upton. They'll be so happy to have your time and attention.)
I slowed down when I met a man I really fancied, and wanted to focus on him. Bit a few months of crazy was good for the soul.
Follow your instincts and don't judfe yourself too harshly. A SM is not a normal or a healthy thing. You'll find your own way to transition to happiness.
|
|
|
|
Post by choosinghappy on Jan 30, 2019 22:57:43 GMT -5
Baaz if you're there, I may have not posted bc of being busy, but celibacy was never in the cards for me. My post shithole situation was one like bballgirl, but boy does that deserve a novel of posts ha! Iād like to read that novel š |
|
|
|
Post by Handy on Jan 30, 2019 23:17:38 GMT -5
Pointbreakgirl, if you write a novel, I will read it. Sorry you had to go through what ever it was.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2019 18:25:43 GMT -5
I know this is an old thread. But it strikes me funny because ādivorce and celibacyā? How is that worse than āmarriage and celibacyā? At least with the former, celibacy is the expectation. With marriage? I thought Iād signed on for a lifetime of guaranteed SEX!! Talk about a disappointment. Iāll happily take ādivorce and celibacyā over āmarriage and celibacyā any day.
|
|
|
|
Post by Handy on Feb 2, 2019 18:31:09 GMT -5
Being married and feeling alone is the pits. With most people and common morals it means married but no physical connections, means most potential additional physical relationships fall in the area of an affair.
Divorced and alone at least means a person could date without breaking most moral standards.
|
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Feb 19, 2019 19:42:36 GMT -5
As of tomorrow, it will have been one month since my STBX moved out of the bedroom for the last time. We last ādid somethingā two days before Christmas. Sorta.
The past two weeks, Iāve been on dates with four guys (five? I got stood up for lunch by a former coworker whoās single). Havenāt had sex or even so much as a peck on the cheek but Iāve gotten looooooooots of hugs!
|
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Feb 19, 2019 21:41:11 GMT -5
mypaintbrushesā¦..If I'm reading correctly you are still domiciled in the same house, just not in the same bedroom. I remember you being pretty attractive so it isn't surprising that you are being ask out pretty regular. From your description of the last couple weeks it reads almost like you are speed dating. That doesn't generally allow for time to really get to know the other person or the kind of foundation most women and probably most men want before beginning an intimate relationship.
|
|
