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Post by hopingforachange on Jul 6, 2017 14:29:48 GMT -5
I'm not after porn sex, I just want to be able to say what I feel. For most of the marriage I have been limited to moans and a handful of phrases that I knew I wouldn't stop the action. Heaven forbid I used a any clinical, slang, ect referring to the anatomy of genitals or I drop the verbal filter for a few seconds.
I don't get need the switching positions thing or squirting, I just want more then the allowed 4 positions.
The W and I would be in the 30 to 39 age category, so based on the reported numbers, I would say oral is mainstream.
I have dealt with just surviving on the little intimacy is given, if we will never be sexually compatible, that's ok but I am not going to live the rest of my life with everything about sex controlled.
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Post by hopingforachange on Jul 21, 2017 7:57:54 GMT -5
We have been going to weekly counseling for a little while now, things are moving in the right direction but it hasn't been all rainbows and puppies. We have had an incident where all of the dark emotions from my depression hit me like a dump truck. When she came back into the bedroom, I tried to reach out for her to help my emotionally but she interpreted my words as "I've never loved her", I will admit that my words asking for help was horrible. In my defense, I've never reached out for help for anything like this and didn't understand what was going on in my brain.
After the incident, I went to a session by my self with the same therapist and it was part of the couples file, so everything in my session could be talked about when we had a couples session.
My session was a tremendous help to me. I could let things out that I couldn't with her in the room. I found out, that I have been afraid to let someone of my emotions out that are related to my W that might upset her and make her mad at me. That comes from me wanting to be the "calm" person during arguments while her flight or fight response kicks in. She either shuts down and will not talk or she gets highly emotional.
I also have massive fears of opening up emotions from our 5 years of near SM hell that corresponded to my depression.
There was a lot more that I'm still trying to process. When I left the session, I was very emotionally raw/nervous/ unsure from everything that was opened up inside me. The whole process is very enlightening and soothing overall, but painful at the time.
Like the saying, short term pain, long term gain.
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Post by Mr. Positive on Oct 25, 2017 11:53:12 GMT -5
Hopingforachange,
How's counseling been lately for you?
I'm strongly thinking of asking my wife to go with me. My main concern is finding a counselor who thinks a low sex drive is normal. Do you have any suggestions? Do you think it has helped?
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Post by hopingforachange on Oct 25, 2017 12:58:58 GMT -5
Hopingforachange, How's counseling been lately for you? I'm strongly thinking of asking my wife to go with me. My main concern is finding a counselor who thinks a low sex drive is normal. Do you have any suggestions? Do you think it has helped? I have done more updates in the "my story" thread. It was going really good for a while. Our counselor is not focusing on high or low being normal but helping us figure out how to turn my wife on to sex and to get both of us happy. So, how do we bridge the gap. I made it clear that I need higher frequency and better quality (conveying feelings and intimacy). Bridging the Gap for me would include cuddling on nights that we don't have sex and touching each other (back rubs, playing with hair, ect). But it's not all unicorns and rainbows, therapy is hard work, and it opens up feelings that I tried to burry. Right now, we are the closest we have been to getting a divorce ever. Part of it is me feeling good enough about my self that I'm not afraid of dieing alone. |
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