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Post by Deleted on May 6, 2016 7:51:21 GMT -5
This may well be my last post because I am not getting the support and encouragement I need. Perhaps I should find an agoraphobia group although I don't have agoraphobia, and wouldn't fit in there either.
I was going to write a post about how I'm feeling about going out tonight with a new group of people...all strangers, and the fact I haven't been out with a group for more than 10-years, and I knew those people, and hadn't gone through the last 10-years losses. However, I recalled what happened on my last post. It was good to have a two or three people wish me well, but then the whole thread turned into a joke about dating that totally hijacked my post and ignored my problem. It was alienating to have such a long thread that basically ignored me, and the angst I feel.
So, I wanted encouragement as I'm feeling shaky again, breathing more shallow at facing socializing tonight for the first time in a decade. I'm giving myself excuses not to go. Maybe I'm an an anomaly, but the effects of 25-years of abuse and neglect have left me this way. It's a real challenge for me to actually go out and be with people I don't know. It affects me physically as well as emotionally, and support would be very welcome, but I'm not asking for it here. Instead, I will turn to myself as I always do...my whole life...and find encouragement within as I always have to.
I may or may not go tonight, and this may or may not be my last post here, but I want to remind you for future participants that this is a support group. There are even groups here for joking and going off topic, but my post sexless marriage posts are serious, because I seriously need support, and while not suffering in a SM anymore, I am suffering the effects of being in one for 25-years.
I'm soon approaching one-year out next month. I've made huge strides since coming through that hell on earth, but my healing and reintroduction into society again is a long and painful path for me. I'm alone in a new city and state with no friends, no support network, and I've got myself this far...slowly. This is another new challenge for me, and I'm resisting it. I want to go curl up in fetal position and go to sleep.
Anyway, the only thing I ask of you is to please be considerate of others when they reach out for support and encouragement in a post SM. It's not all about dating and having fun, some of us are still battling our demons and struggling to start a new and different life.
I will find my strength from within.
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Post by snowman12345 on May 6, 2016 9:11:56 GMT -5
I will find my strength from within. Ultimately that is where we all find strength, I do wish you well and I hope you find the peace you seek. I am sorry you did not find what you needed here. |
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Post by deleted on May 6, 2016 9:32:28 GMT -5
I pray you find what you are seeking and soon. You seem like a very nice person. In my case, I found a great deal of help working with medical professionals, both therapists and doctors. When it comes to dealing with major league depression, it never hurts to consult professionals. I know how it feels to struggle with living in your own skin. It is a lousy feeling. I have tried to offer serious feedback. If I offended you, I truly am sorry.
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Post by Deleted on May 6, 2016 9:46:27 GMT -5
Jasiri, I hope you find the strength to go out tonight with your group of potential new friends. I know the feeling of being reluctant to socialize even with friends sometimes, let alone new people. I an still working up the nerve to join some new activities to meet new friends (at this point the groups I have in mind are all women's groups).
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Post by Deleted on May 6, 2016 10:13:12 GMT -5
My apologies Car. No more jokes.
Please go to the event. If you're not up for it, then wait till next time. Please let us know how it went.
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Post by Deleted on May 6, 2016 11:14:53 GMT -5
I'm sorry if I ever sounded like I was not taking your problems seriously. Threadjacking is not a good thing to do, but we have all been guilty of it occasionally.
I think an agoraphobia group might be very helpful for you. I still hope that you stay here; I like you and I want to keep up with how you are doing.
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Post by itsjustus on May 6, 2016 12:33:47 GMT -5
Aww jasiri, I so hope this isn't your last post here. I get so much from them, with you and I having so much in common, it's a big part of MY support! And you give to me freely. You've let me express myself on your threads, both directly related and at times, a little off topic, but always with understanding and compassion. I hope that I've done that for you as well.... it's why we're here. We both need to find strength from within, after all, we are essentially all alone minute by minute IRL. But having this support here, and the other concepts to mull over, is essential to that. It was when I first arrived at EP, and still is as I try to figure out this new life.
I'm guilty as the next person in getting carried away and threadjacking. In fact, I did it yesterday on a thread and suddenly realized I was joking around on someone else's life/thread/angst. I apologized and moved my "jokes" to the appropriate forum. I love humor, I find it essential to my own peace of mind, but I think we all need to be a little more cognizant of that. There's a time and certainly a place (forum).
But you are certainly not an anomaly! We are both feeling the devastation of the effects of years of abuse and neglect, 25 and 32 respectively. It took a horrible toll. It was because of us having to turn to ourselves, as we always had to our whole lives and marriages for support. We've made strides...huge strides, as you said. But there is so far to go and so many things that keep cropping up that we aren't even aware of yet. Ones that come close to defeating us, making us want to hide away...I can't tell you how many times have I literally curled up in a fetal position and wished I could go to sleep... but the demons are there and have no sympathy. The effects are physical, mental, and worst of all, emotional. This IS serious business, especially when facing it alone IRL. I don't talk about it to my friends. My family's shunned me....
I guess you're it. I guess everyone here is it. I will try my hardest to be the support you and others need.
Please stay....
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Post by itsjustus on May 6, 2016 13:12:15 GMT -5
I also want to wish you luck tonight going out with the group! If you go... I so know that feeling. I would plan something, going out to visit friends, or maybe family, or even something safe and comfortable. Purposlfully so I'd force myself to re-integrate with...people. Then I'd watch the clock, knowing it was coming up time to go....and not. I'd fret about it and let it eat at me. Hell, I even got up from my Netflix binging chair, grabbed my key's...and went back to my chair. I've made more than one "sorry, I just can't make it, maybe next time..." phone call, and felt the relief sweep over me. It's hard as hell. I am doing much better at it now, though I still allow myself a few duck out's. Because of that, I don't allow myself to feel guilty about them anymore. I'm hoping you can get yourself out the door this time, but don't sweat it if you don't. One day at a time, one event at a time, right?
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Post by RumRunner on May 6, 2016 14:39:45 GMT -5
I wish you lots of luck and I do hope you have fun going out. I can imagine how you are feeling about going out with a lot of people that you don't know. The fact that you are thinking about it shows that you are a very brave woman! Perhaps the best way to address our fears is to do things that we are not comfortable with. I can understand having anxiety, because I know I would be a mess under that circumstance.
I sincerely wish you all the strength and the happiness in this new place of your life..... Best wishes always....
RR
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Post by Rhapsodee on May 6, 2016 15:43:52 GMT -5
Going into new situations causes me anxiety. Gurgling stomach, feeling I can't breathe deep enough, sweating. I don't know if your anxiety is worse or milder than mine, but it usually goes away once I am actually there. I've learned that there is always a good person in the group that likes to bring people together and doesn't like to see anyone standing alone. I hope that is how it will work for you when you go out with this new group.
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Post by ggold on May 6, 2016 15:45:19 GMT -5
Wishing you all the best tonight! Do it!! Go out and try and enjoy yourself. Be strong!! Thinking about you!!
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Post by TMD on May 6, 2016 15:48:48 GMT -5
@jasiri, I don't know you well. In fact, until recently, I didn't know how to respond to you. But I have been learning by reading your posts -- learning about you, but also myself.
Hope this isn't a thread hijack, but I often get to my point by demonstrating how I learned something, and then I'll bring it back to you:
By reading your threads I realized that a strained relationship with my cousin, whom I donated a kidney to, and in the process became extremely close with her, is because she and I communicate differently. Like I mentioned above. I use stories and experience to process and/or articulate my position, while she just wants me to shut up and listen to her.
You may be like my cousin, inasmuch that you seek to be heard and acknowledged. You don't want or need "advice."
And so I've been seeing your words in a different light. And growing as a result -- which is unexpected, not at your expense, and I am grateful.
In response, specifically to your post here: THANK YOU. I truly am grateful for you and your contributions. I wish you well. Whether or not you stay here, I hope your world begins to take shape the way you wish it to be, as you continue to look forward.
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Post by beguiledcinderella on May 6, 2016 21:46:51 GMT -5
I think you are quite fantastic and I would miss you if you decided to no longer post here.
I hope you are able to make some progress this evening. I hope it all happens just the way you hope it will.
I also hope you'll come back and tell us about it (the good, the bad, the ugly)
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Post by lwoetin on May 7, 2016 5:08:46 GMT -5
Isolating yourself from people is not a good idea so I hope you did go and take chances at meeting new people. But it is OK if you chose not to go at this time, you will have other opportunities. I have my own social anxieties and I go with what I have. You are a strong person and can get through this. It's a difficult situation to be in a new place with no friends but there are good people everywhere to get to know, so you should get to know them.
Also, if you find another forum that helps you then join that. You don't have to leave this forum. Just post less often. But don't isolate yourself. Good luck.
(I first met you in EP a while back and I believe you were the one with a Latin quote. I can't remember it though.)
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Post by gearcynic on May 7, 2016 8:36:18 GMT -5
It sounds like you've got severe anxiety, not agoraphobia. That is a very, very different thing.
If you are breathing shallowly then the idea of going is causing you so much anxiety that you are about to have an anxiety attack, which is pretty serious business.
DO NOT GO IF YOU FEEL THIS WAY. It will not be good for you and may cause your anxiety to blow up. Try therapy first. You may have some PTSD and other random emotional damage left from your SM.
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