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Post by tiffanyc on Jun 10, 2017 19:11:09 GMT -5
Well, today is mine and H 16th anniversary. The first person to say Happy Anniversary....his grandpa in Houston!
Pepaw, (his grandpa) called me at 9 this morning and wished me a happy anniversary. H had to work, okay I get that.
H gets home about 11:30 or so and goes to take a nap. No biggie, I mean he's been up since 4:45 this morning. Hell, I'd take a nap too.
He wakes up about an hour later. Then says to me "so it's anniversary day. With everything going on (vacation prepping and his long hours) we didn't really plan anything." About two hours after that, my youngest asked if a friend could spend the night. She said "dad said she could if you said yes." 😑😑😑😑
So how have I spent my anniversary? Swept, mopped, ran the carpet clean, laundry, dishes (like 5 times), cooked and cleaned up after dinner. Oh yeah, plus have an extra kid over for the night.
Yay, some anniversary.
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Post by baza on Jun 10, 2017 19:40:20 GMT -5
I'd be betting that - had you had a good rogering, in your favoured manner - the night before, that the dishes / cooking / cleaning / extra guest etc would not even be on your radar.
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Post by lwoetin on Jun 10, 2017 19:42:50 GMT -5
Well, today is mine and H 16th anniversary. The first person to say Happy Anniversary....his grandpa in Houston! Pepaw, (his grandpa) called me at 9 this morning and wished me a happy anniversary. H had to work, okay I get that. H gets home about 11:30 or so and goes to take a nap. No biggie, I mean he's been up since 4:45 this morning. Hell, I'd take a nap too. He wakes up about an hour later. Then says to me "so it's anniversary day. With everything going on (vacation prepping and his long hours) we didn't really plan anything." About two hours after that, my youngest asked if a friend could spend the night. She said "dad said she could if you said yes." 😑😑😑😑 So how have I spent my anniversary? Swept, mopped, ran the carpet clean, laundry, dishes (like 5 times), cooked and cleaned up after dinner. Oh yeah, plus have an extra kid over for the night. Yay, some anniversary. our petsitter dropped by today and we started talking and she mentioned that she and her husband are heading to Europe to celebrate their 25th anniversary. I'm guessing that their trip doesn't have to actually fall within their anniversary. So, you can celebrate your anniversary another day when you and your hard working husband have more time, let him know. Happy anniversary! |
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Post by tiffanyc on Jun 10, 2017 19:47:12 GMT -5
You should get him something nice for your anniversary. Like a maid. I hope we can give you at least one smile on your Anniversary. Haven't done much smiling today. 😔 |
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Post by tiffanyc on Jun 10, 2017 19:49:22 GMT -5
Well, today is mine and H 16th anniversary. The first person to say Happy Anniversary....his grandpa in Houston! Pepaw, (his grandpa) called me at 9 this morning and wished me a happy anniversary. H had to work, okay I get that. H gets home about 11:30 or so and goes to take a nap. No biggie, I mean he's been up since 4:45 this morning. Hell, I'd take a nap too. He wakes up about an hour later. Then says to me "so it's anniversary day. With everything going on (vacation prepping and his long hours) we didn't really plan anything." About two hours after that, my youngest asked if a friend could spend the night. She said "dad said she could if you said yes." 😑😑😑😑 So how have I spent my anniversary? Swept, mopped, ran the carpet clean, laundry, dishes (like 5 times), cooked and cleaned up after dinner. Oh yeah, plus have an extra kid over for the night. Yay, some anniversary. our petsitter dropped by today and we started talking and she mentioned that she and her husband are heading to Europe to celebrate their 25th anniversary. I'm guessing that their trip doesn't have to actually fall within their anniversary. So, you can celebrate your anniversary another day when you and your hard working husband have more time, let him know. Happy anniversary! Yeah, doubt that. Last year I posted a happy anniversary add in the paper thinking it would be sweet. Nope. He was embarrassed that I did it and made me feel like an idiot for even thinking it was sweet and romantic. Yeah today is just one more reason in making me think romance is just a cosmic joke and can only be found in fairy tales. |
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Post by jim44444 on Jun 10, 2017 20:12:05 GMT -5
Next Tuesday is our anniversary. We are taking the grandkids to the zoo. Romantic ain't it?
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 10, 2017 20:16:32 GMT -5
Lots of thoughts about anniversaries. I hate to be a downer. Your H put forth zero effort. I do have to ask, " did you suggest, ask, demand, spell out for him what you would have liked?" I hate the "men are supposed to read are minds,routine."
If he would have suggested anything, even the littlest token of intimacy or romance, and you would have gladly accepted it, then that's a whole nother story. Is that more of what's going on? (Felt that needed to be put that out there, I think I know the answer)
Is there any hope for tomorrow?
Big strike out for having the friend over, in my opinion. In the future when he approves a sleep over, tell him "that's fine", then leave him at home to handle it and go have dinner and a movie with a friend.
Does he seem the least bit disappointed in your nothing anniversary?
I am guessing that anniversaries have been better in the past?
Personally my STBX had ,for years, rejected my actions and words regarding our anniversary,as not being enough. That and giving hardly anything back in return. Then the manipulation would continue with me supposed to "take the lead".
All nails in the coffin. Sounds like today was another nail in the coffin for you too.
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Post by tiffanyc on Jun 10, 2017 20:23:36 GMT -5
Lots of thoughts about anniversaries. I hate to be a downer. Your H put forth zero effort. I do have to ask, " did you suggest, ask, demand, spell out for him what you would have liked?" I hate the "men are supposed to read are minds,routine." If he would have suggested anything, even the littlest token of intimacy or romance, and you would have gladly accepted it, then that's a whole nother story. Is that more of what's going on? (Felt that needed to be put out there, I think I know the answer) Is there any hope for tomorrow? Big strike out for having the friend over, in my opinion. In the future when he approves a sleep over, tell him "that's fine", then leave him at home to handle it and go have dinner and a movie with a friend. Does he seem the least bit disappointed in your nothing anniversary? I am guessing that anniversaries have been better in the past? Personally my STBX had ,for years, rejected my actions and words regarding our anniversary,as not being enough. That and giving hardly anything back in return. Then the manipulation would continue with me supposed to "take the lead". All nails in the coffin. Sounds like today was another nail in the coffin for you too. No I didn't suggest anything and it's not important whether we do or don't do anything. What hurts is he's usually really good about telling me happy anniversary first thing. And no he didn't seem disappointed at all. Just treated today like any normal day. And yes, past anniversaries have been MUCH better. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 10, 2017 20:34:51 GMT -5
Friend, (sorry for the blunt , harshness that this may sound like, it's meant to be helpful with your best interest in mind)
It sounds like you have settled for being treated like a room mate, maid, and servant. Those are his expectations of you, and they are being met. He's happy.
Things have been much better in the past. Two thoughts about that.
1) Is that because you openly asked for what you needed? Do you now feel like it's hopeless to bring these needs up again?
2) He "loved bombed" you, "bait and switched" you, and those days are over?
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 10, 2017 20:40:59 GMT -5
One other thing, It's very easy to blame it all on the children. " Oh she/he just forgot. We are so busy with the kids, and there friends over, family first!"
While the marriage gets shoved onto the back burner of a broken stove.
I accepted the "all for the family" for to long. Clinging to the false hope of" things will be better when the kids are older. We will have more time for each other, we can start over."
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Post by tiffanyc on Jun 10, 2017 20:56:35 GMT -5
Friend, (sorry for the blunt , harshness that this may sound like, it's meant to be helpful with your best interest in mind) It sounds like you have settled for being treated like a room mate, maid, and servant. Those are his expectations of you, and they are being met. He's happy. Things have been much better in the past. Two thoughts about that. 1) Is that because you openly asked for what you needed? Do you now feel like it's hopeless to bring these needs up again? 2) He "loved bombed" you, "bait and switched" you, and those days are over? In the past neither of us have openly asked for anything. Sometimes we did things others we didn't. Yet he was always consistent on telling me happy anniversary first thing. Early he actually asked me "what's wrong?" Seriously? It's our anniversary and he let our youngest have a friend stay over. Then all the other crap I did today, plus he never said "happy anniversary". I just told him I was fine. I've learned from past experiences when he asks that to not tell him. He asks but when I answer him, he doesn't want to hear it. |
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Post by tiffanyc on Jun 10, 2017 20:57:40 GMT -5
No I didn't suggest anything and it's not important whether we do or don't do anything. What hurts is he's usually really good about telling me happy anniversary first thing. And no he didn't seem disappointed at all. Just treated today like any normal day. And yes, past anniversaries have been MUCH better. Did he forget what today is? I think it would have hurt less if he had. He knew but today was "just another Saturday" |
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Post by baza on Jun 10, 2017 21:13:51 GMT -5
This sort of thing - quoting you here Sister tiffanyc - "Early he actually asked me "what's wrong?" Seriously? It's our anniversary and he let our youngest have a friend stay over. Then all the other crap I did today, plus he never said "happy anniversary". I just told him I was fine" - is not such a great policy. By joining in the bullshit (saying things you don't mean, or not saying the things you do mean) makes you fully complicit in the dynamic. He is talking bullshit, and you have joined in. I've never seen this tactic of joining in the bullshit work in bringing an ILIASM deal to resolution. However, suddenly doing a 180 and challenging him every time he engages in bullshit behaviour is probably not a goer for you at this point of proceedings. Might be worthwhile starting small. But as a guiding principle in an ILIASM deal it is best to only say what you mean, and to mean what you say. Your cred is a really good thing to have in your bag of tricks. It is best not to shred it. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 10, 2017 21:17:53 GMT -5
Friend, (sorry for the blunt , harshness that this may sound like, it's meant to be helpful with your best interest in mind) It sounds like you have settled for being treated like a room mate, maid, and servant. Those are his expectations of you, and they are being met. He's happy. Things have been much better in the past. Two thoughts about that. 1) Is that because you openly asked for what you needed? Do you now feel like it's hopeless to bring these needs up again? 2) He "loved bombed" you, "bait and switched" you, and those days are over? In the past neither of us have openly asked for anything. Sometimes we did things others we didn't. Yet he was always consistent on telling me happy anniversary first thing. Early he actually asked me "what's wrong?" Seriously? It's our anniversary and he let our youngest have a friend stay over. Then all the other crap I did today, plus he never said "happy anniversary". I just told him I was fine. I've learned from past experiences when he asks that to not tell him. He asks but when I answer him, he doesn't want to hear it. Sadly he gets away with pretending he's interested in your feelings. Yet you remain, afraid, and passive. It sounds like he is aware of this and plays that card to his advantage. he gets no response, and now has the excuse that he tried. If you do respond , you are whinning and complaining. it sounds like he has you in a double bind. Tonight is your anniversary, this is emotionally tough on you, you are dying inside and having to talk to a stranger a thousand miles away. My heart goes out to you dear. Sleep on it, give it time. Stay in touch. My prayer for you is that by the end of summer and the middle of Fall you will have a better grasp of your situation and will begin to do more for yourself and your own happiness. All in the name of" what's best for the family and me". |
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Post by tiffanyc on Jun 10, 2017 21:19:57 GMT -5
In the past neither of us have openly asked for anything. Sometimes we did things others we didn't. Yet he was always consistent on telling me happy anniversary first thing. Early he actually asked me "what's wrong?" Seriously? It's our anniversary and he let our youngest have a friend stay over. Then all the other crap I did today, plus he never said "happy anniversary". I just told him I was fine. I've learned from past experiences when he asks that to not tell him. He asks but when I answer him, he doesn't want to hear it. Sadly he gets away with pretending he's interested in your feelings. Yet you remain, afraid, and passive. It sounds like he is aware of this and plays that card to his advantage. he gets no response, and now has the excuse that he tried. If you do respond , you are whinning and complaining. it sounds like he has you in a double bind. Tonight is your anniversary, this is emotionally tough on you, you are dying inside and having to talk to a stranger a thousand miles away. My heart goes out to you dear. Sleep on it, give it time. Stay in touch. My prayer for you is that by the end of summer and the middle of Fall you will have a better grasp of your situation and will begin to do more for yourself and your own happiness. All in the name of" what's best for the family and me". Thanks. It is sad I have to confide in strangers. I just don't want to talk to my mom or a mutual friend and it inadvertently getting back to him but not the whole thing ya know. |
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