I do not know whether you have low t. That is something your doctor would know. From what you've said here, it seems that you have a very healthy libido, but you are angry and resentful at your husband for not being supportive of your endeavors, for not being romantic, for criticizing you and for making crude sexual advances. From your posts, it seems that your anger and resentfulness at your husband is why you don't want to have sex with him.
You seem very out of touch with your own feelings. Romance novels are basically women's porn. They are such turn-ons that some sex therapists suggest that low libido women read romance novels. Someone who is spending their time writing steamy sex scenes does have a high libido. Obviously, you like sex and spend a lot of time thinking about it. Unfortunately, your husband is not giving you the type of sex you want nor is he giving you the type of emotional support that makes you feel loved and in a sexy mood.
You are angry and resentful at him and stuff your feelings. So, because you're angry that he didn't previously show interest in your book, you don't even bother to tell him you published it. Then, you become angry and resultful that he hasn't responded to something you're proud about. You blame him for not showing interest in your book, but you are no longer talking to him about the book.
Meanwhile, he seems to do similar things to you. He makes snide comments to you, ogles other women and is passive aggressive about things like your anniversary. Maybe he does these things because he's angry about being sexually rejected. But, instead of talking in a courteous way with you about the sex situation, he takes out his feelings in a way that drives you further away from him.
The bottom line is that both of you seem to be angry and hurt about each other, and to be taking out that anger in unproductive ways that just fuels each of your anger and hurt.
You can choose to continue this way, and it's very likely you'll be divorced within 5 years. Or if you wish to make a solid attempt to improve your marriage, you could ask your husband to go into marital counseling with you. If he agrees, and you both go in and are honest and work in the therapy (which means doing any homework the therapist assigns, and being open with the therapist and each other), then your marriage is likely to change for the better as each of you becomes better at expressing your needs and responding to each other. If you are willing to go into marital therapy, but he isn't, your marriage will probably continue to be unhappy. You can't change a marriage all by yourself. However, if he refuses to go into marital therapy, then it could help you to go into individual therapy. Such therapy would give you more information about your own feelings and needs. You also could learn productive ways of expressing your needs. Whether or not you remain married, those tools could help you in your relationships. Having such self knowledge would lower your chances of going from an unsatisfactory marriage to another unsatisfactory relationship.
Note to men in sexless marriages: Tiffany is saying a lot about the whys in her marriage Maybe there is information in her posts that also applies to your marriage. One thing that stands out: Just because a refuser is reluctant to have sex with their spouse doesn't mean they dislike sex.
