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Post by shamwow on Sept 11, 2017 13:59:27 GMT -5
My previous visit, I had a Max in my suitcase (as in Max and Nora - look it up). That would have been interesting had it gone off LOL. Hoooooly Sh-------t !!! Wow that is serious High Tech connecting at a distance. LMAO. It is very loud, though. Now that I have my new Latino family living in the house, the loud noises from my bedroom need to be muted lest the 2 year old becomes traumatized. |
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Post by shamwow on Sept 11, 2017 14:01:32 GMT -5
What in the holy hell is wrong with you? I say I've got massage oil and you whip out a toddler-sized (not for the toddler, but the size of a toddler) dildo? You are diseased  |
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Post by hopingforachange on Sept 11, 2017 14:18:09 GMT -5
What in the holy hell is wrong with you? I say I've got massage oil and you whip out a toddler-sized (not for the toddler, but the size of a toddler) dildo? You are diseased With that being the first thing in the suitcase, the TSA guy would either wave you thru it wave it around. Either way it will be hallarious. |
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Post by shamwow on Sept 12, 2017 8:43:18 GMT -5
What in the holy hell is wrong with you? I say I've got massage oil and you whip out a toddler-sized (not for the toddler, but the size of a toddler) dildo? You are diseased With that being the first thing in the suitcase, the TSA guy would either wave you thru it wave it around. Either way it will be hallarious. As long as he doesn't wave the Max and Nora around and say "these are not the droids you are looking for"..... |
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Post by novembercomingfire on Sept 12, 2017 11:15:21 GMT -5
That is really interesting. My refuser was the same way. It never occurred to her to be the one to help. And it would irritate her when I did. For example, when we lived in El Paso, at one time, we each had our own vehicles, & had a third vehicle which was a Ford Pickup. Having an extra vehicle is really nice because if one of the other cars needed some work, it was no big deal. Once, a couple from church was moving, and they were putting some things in storage as they moved stuff from one house to the other. I told them they could use my truck for as long as they needed it. They were extremely grateful. They got it on a Wednesday & were using it. My W was very good friends with the W & knew they were borrowing it. On Saturday morning, she decided that she wanted to hit a few garage sales & wanted to use the truck. She did not have anything in mind which would neccesitate needing the truck, but she just wanted it just in case. I tried to tell her that we had agreed to let the couple use the truck and that Saturday was probably the day that they would do a lot of moving, but she did not care. Then I told her that I would be happy to take the seats out of her minivan so if she did find something big, she could put it in there. But that did not dissuade her either. She demanded that I call them right then & ask for the truck back. I refused, so she just got on the phone and told them to bring it back. They brought it back, and were obviously distressed. I told them that as soon as she was back from garage sales, I would take the truck to them. I know this is worse than your ExW, but what you said really reminded me of that. I have not thought about that in over 10 years. It should come as no surprise that the selfishness gene is uber-dominant in the refuser of a sexless marriage. About the only "charitable" thing she ever did during our marriage was to donate stuff to purple heart. And that is just because it was stuff she had bought and now wanted to get rid of. Purple Heart would pick it up from the doorstep. So it was convenience rather than altruism that prompted the action. I'm curious what other people's experiences have been with their ex. Is this type of behavior common? I strikes me this would be a typical behavior since it would be odd to be extremely generous with everyone in their life except their spouse. I guess I have the exceptional situation then. STBX has compassion, love and care for anyone except me. She has essentially admitted that she never felt that I deserved any. I suspect this is because in her eyes I was placed on this earth solely to serve her. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2017 11:32:17 GMT -5
novembercomingfire"I guess I have the exceptional situation then. STBX has compassion, love and care for anyone except me. She has essentially admitted that she never felt that I deserved any. I suspect this is because in her eyes I was placed on this earth solely to serve her." I am sorry to hear that. That really sounds worse. So she seems to think she is the queen bee.
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Post by shamwow on Sept 12, 2017 12:27:09 GMT -5
I guess I have the exceptional situation then. STBX has compassion, love and care for anyone except me. She has essentially admitted that she never felt that I deserved any. I suspect this is because in her eyes I was placed on this earth solely to serve her. Damn, man... It sucks to be married to someone who doesn't care about anyone else (except her kids and maybe her mom/brothers). It must be worse to be with someone who cares about everyone else but you. Perhaps you should resign yourself to truly serving her...with a side of sauteed mushrooms, some scalloped potatoes, garnish with parsley, and a nice glass of red. Perhaps a dinner party is in order... |
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Post by shamwow on Sept 15, 2017 9:04:43 GMT -5
T-Plus-64: Divorce Finalized I finally figured out why I haven't been getting any information from the school and why my ex-wife seems to know everything. As it turns out, she changed all of my contact information to HER contact information. So according to the school, I live at her house. I have her email address. My phone number is still my cell, but they don't communicate that way. flashjohn you were SO on target. Now I've got a copy of the divorce decree filed at my son's school. I've put in 4 calls to my daughter's school and the registrar hasn't returned any of them, but I'll keep calling. I need to make sure to have that divorce decree filed for both kids in their files so that my ex wife cannot make changes. Honestly, other than not getting back to me quickly, it's not the school's fault. For all they know we are still married. If so, she should be able to update my profile since in most cases, dad is clueless. Well, I sure as hell was clueless, but mainly as to why I stopped receiving things from the school. The reason why she did this is obvious. She has kept control all these years by controlling the information and the calendar. Now that she can't do this with me in the house, she is trying to do it in whatever way she can. It's kind of sad, actually, but a few more calls and emails and I should have this taken care of. So Dads, if you want to be involved in your kid's education, you need to get that decree in there. You also need to make sure that your contact information is current. Finally, you need to figure out how the SCHOOL wants to communicate and follow it. In my case, it's through a fucking Facebook site that I will need to keep up on. I guess that means I need to reinstall Facebook on my phone. Sigh...thought I'd mostly cut that out. Oh, and I logged into my daughter's "home access" account using a user id / password I had from last year. She is a Junior in high school and my wife has her enrolled in what looks like a floral design class. Floral design? Really? Ok, it's her elective, but WTF? Is that really a high school class? Shammy has REALLY dropped the ball on his daughter's education. I assumed that the ex-wife with a masters degree in education would be doing a good job. Looks like the guy with the masters in business is going to have to take a more active role in making his daughter somewhat marketable when she graduates. |
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Post by hopingforachange on Sept 15, 2017 9:58:33 GMT -5
shamwow, Don't even both calling or emailing the school, you don't know what lines and lies your EX has fed them. Request a meeting next week with the principle and you need to show up in the school in a standard lawyer/CEO suit and tie. They need to know you mean business and require all communication to be thru both parents. Schools and especially administration don't want to deal with legal issues, so they should make your rational demands happen. It sounds like you need to also require signatures for both parents for things like school schedules.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2017 10:05:17 GMT -5
shamwow, I am so sorry that I was right. Unfortunately, your ExW has the golden uterus syndrome. She believes that because she carried the kids, she should have exclusive rights to do whatever she wants with them. Sometimes, I wish I had left sooner, but when I read things like this, I am glad I waited. My kids are not with her all the time and they are able to make their own decisions. On an aside, my daughter asked me to come present her with her Aggie ring next weekend. She also told her mom not to come and she wanted me to be the one to present it.
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Post by shamwow on Sept 15, 2017 13:09:20 GMT -5
shamwow , Don't even both calling or emailing the school, you don't know what lines and lies your EX has fed them. Request a meeting next week with the principle and you need to show up in the school in a standard lawyer/CEO suit and tie. They need to know you mean business and require all communication to be thru both parents. Schools and especially administration don't want to deal with legal issues, so they should make your rational demands happen. It sounds like you need to also require signatures for both parents for things like school schedules. The decree basically says that my ex and I have co-equal rights to make decisions regarding the children. If we disagree, the school counselor makes the final decision. Actually, odd as it sounds, having the divorce decree on file reduces the legal issues for the school. They can assume if one of us is contacting them they can talk to us. As the father in the situation, this simply puts me at parity with my ex. This is what we agreed to and all I want. My issue in this case is her changing my contact information to essentially cut me off from the flow of information regarding the kid's education. This was completely improper (a nice way of saying fucked up), but it was my fault that I gave her the ability to do this by not getting the decree on file establishing we are divorced. If the decree was on file, she would not have had the ability to change my information. It would have been locked down. The first step in being a co-parent is to have access to all of the information. She apparently understood this better than I do, and now I am trying to remedy the situation. No lasting harm, and I have a better idea of the rules of the game we are playing. The divorce decree protects both of us from the other taking advantage, but in this situation (school), the natural playing field is skewed so heavily toward the mom it is laughable. Having the decree on file with appropriate notes is the only protection I have. Since the school doesn't want to get sued (they want to avoid this at all costs) they will comply with court orders. So long as I have the information flowing to me, I'm fine. I just didn't know she had turned off the tap. |
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Post by hopingforachange on Sept 15, 2017 13:30:04 GMT -5
shamwow There is so much info you will never get unless you require both signatures on papers. You Ex has made it clear she is taking control of the school area. That is the only way to ensure you get access to all of the school info. It also ensures that you are able to give input on things like school schedules for next year, disciplinary issues, field trips ect.
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Post by DryCreek on Sept 15, 2017 14:01:04 GMT -5
shamwow, that would be pretty underhanded and petty of her. To temper things a bit, be open to the possibility that a school clerk inadvertently applied the same update to both of you, though in this era of high divorce rates they should certainly question it more. My $.02, rather than inflame what *might* not be a situation, I'd suggest an approach with your Ex along the lines of "It's come to my attention that my contact info was changed at the school. The school has the divorce decree on file, I've met with the principal, and I'm putting everyone on notice that if any shenanigans like this happen again the legal gloves are coming off. I'm not going to be pushed out of my children's lives." To the principal, something like... "I'm sure this isn't your first rodeo and your office can do without more drama. Here's the situation. Any guidance for arrangements you've seen work well when both parents want an active role?" Just one approach. You know the situation better than anyone here.
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 15, 2017 17:41:40 GMT -5
I've already been involved in a similar path before the divorce. My Wife would do all the planning and coordinating for homeschool. However I was the one taking the kids to all their events. So I was the parent/adult getting the one on one with teachers, coaches, pastors, and other parents. There always seemed to be additional sign ins, registrations, dues, fees,etc.... My name and email managed to get on everything.
Once the word "divorce"entered the picture, mine and the kids wishes of ending homeschool, and starting public school began to happen. My wife took a kind of "fine,not my problem" attitude. My experience has been that most forms for school require a signature of "one" parent. Since we are still married, my name and contact info go on first. Then if it asks for a work no. or any other email address then I put my wife's on there. So far so good. Any meetings or announcements come to both our emails. My wife's reluctance to go to open house, team practices, team sports,and provide funding has my kids coming to me. I just warn them about my time when I am employed full time.
As the divorce looms closer I can tell my Wife will want much more control through school and education. How available and willing she is will be a different matter. Communicating on line is in her blood.
Don't forget all those doctors, dentists,optometrists, physical therapists,etc... and who gets the emails for appointments.
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Post by shamwow on Sept 18, 2017 14:56:39 GMT -5
shamwow , that would be pretty underhanded and petty of her. To temper things a bit, be open to the possibility that a school clerk inadvertently applied the same update to both of you, though in this era of high divorce rates they should certainly question it more. My $.02, rather than inflame what *might* not be a situation, I'd suggest an approach with your Ex along the lines of "It's come to my attention that my contact info was changed at the school. The school has the divorce decree on file, I've met with the principal, and I'm putting everyone on notice that if any shenanigans like this happen again the legal gloves are coming off. I'm not going to be pushed out of my children's lives." To the principal, something like... "I'm sure this isn't your first rodeo and your office can do without more drama. Here's the situation. Any guidance for arrangements you've seen work well when both parents want an active role?" Just one approach. You know the situation better than anyone here. Totally fair point. Sadly, though, I'm learning that each school maintains their own parent contact information (no idea why). The way I know this is that when I updated the information at my son's school, the contact information at my daughter's school stayed incorrect. Oh, and the school registrar told me this is how it works So both were working fine a few months back and both were switched to her contact information. Is it possible that both schools made the same error? Possible, but my information has never been updated this way before. But that's irrelevant. My information has been updated, and with the divorce papers on file, she no longer has the ability to change the information (my contact information is locked). Honestly, this is the last area she can screw with me and I've shut it down. I'm not going to bring it up. She will figure it out when she realizes she isn't getting double emails. I don't even care to discuss it. I'm past that now. |
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