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Post by hopingforachange on Jul 13, 2017 10:18:37 GMT -5
No, it should not. I agree that leaving was incredibly difficult. But the longer I am away, the more sure I am that I did the right thing. And I am so impressed that you realized that alcohol is not going to help you. Please go the meetings. I assume you mean AA. They will help you stay away from temptations. And I sincerely hope that your Ex finds happiness. It just sad that she thought it was your responsiblity to drag her to the doctor. Congratulations, my friend. If you need anything, I am just a few hundred miles away! Yup. AA meetings. Already located a few in my area and am just trying to figure into my schedule. The booze didn't help my marriage, it sure as hell won't help me while single. I suspect almost all of us there have self medicated at some point to help us survive. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2017 10:19:50 GMT -5
Oh, shamwow! Reading the posts from the past 2 days or so - I am amazed. You really went through a lot. You did so much work where it really counts (at the emotional level.) All those emotions. All that honesty. It's kind of mind-blowing. I hope things go well with you and your female visitor! You deserve something good to happen. If she's from this website, so does she! |
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Post by shamwow on Jul 13, 2017 10:21:02 GMT -5
Yup. AA meetings. Already located a few in my area and am just trying to figure into my schedule. The booze didn't help my marriage, it sure as hell won't help me while single. I suspect almost all of us there have self medicated at some point to help us survive. Sigh...I used it to dull my senses and actually to dull my libido. It worked in both respects, but at way too high a cost. Now, my libido is off the charts where it should be. And my senses are bright and tingly. |
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Post by shamwow on Jul 13, 2017 10:40:28 GMT -5
Oh, shamwow ! Reading the posts from the past 2 days or so - I am amazed. You really went through a lot. You did so much work where it really counts (at the emotional level.) All those emotions. All that honesty. It's kind of mind-blowing. I hope things go well with you and your female visitor! You deserve something good to happen. If she's from this website, so does she! Thanks Kat. My road has been bumpy for sure, but I can think of half a dozen folks here who have had a harder time of it (including my lady). I think we all deserve to have something good to happen after the shit we've had to put up with. I wanted to do today's post to make sure people understand that once you get out and on your own, it isn't unicorns, rainbows, and fairy dust. With the help of many people here, I HAVE come a long way. All getting out does is give me a CHANCE at happiness. It is up to me to seize it. I've still got issues I need to deal with (alcohol being the most obvious on the list, but there are others such as body image issues), but being trapped in a sexless marriage is no longer one of them. I've heard it said that Bill Gates has all the same issues that everyone else has, except money. Those of us who are out of our sexless marriage have all the same issues as before, just not that particular one. We have new issues (less money, more time alone, etc...), but at least we've chosen these new issues. |
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Post by becca on Jul 13, 2017 10:41:43 GMT -5
Thank you for sharing your struggle with us. As I move closer and closer to moving to the next level (divorce) it helps to read your story. In my marriage, it is my husband that struggles with alcohol and it kills me seeing him sinking deeper and deeper into this pit. He does not acknowledge a problem though. He refuses to go to a meeting or seek counseling of any kind. So hats off to you for not only acknowledging the problem but doing something about it. And for recognizing you were in a precarious place and reaching out to GeekGoddess. It speaks volumes about this online community. |
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Post by shamwow on Jul 13, 2017 11:01:43 GMT -5
Thank you for sharing your struggle with us. As I move closer and closer to moving to the next level (divorce) it helps to read your story. In my marriage, it is my husband that struggles with alcohol and it kills me seeing him sinking deeper and deeper into this pit. He does not acknowledge a problem though. He refuses to go to a meeting or seek counseling of any kind. So hats off to you for not only acknowledging the problem but doing something about it. And for recognizing you were in a precarious place and reaching out to GeekGoddess . It speaks volumes about this online community. You might want to compare notes with @elle on PM. Her husband is in the same boat...a drinker who won't get help (or even really admit he has a problem he can't control). Us guys are not really wired to accept help, especially when we need help. I should probably also give a shout out to @elle for helping me write the initial letter to my wife asking for a divorce. She helped me speak with my own voice, but temper my anger and consider my ex's perspective. This helped me transform it from a list of grievances to the blueprint that allowed my ex and I to part amicably. Yet another debt I'll never be able to repay. |
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Post by beachguy on Jul 13, 2017 13:11:58 GMT -5
That was God's curse delivered to Adam and Eve... and Edna... ETA: The smart Harem Master did not keep all his women in the same house, you know.... Haha, I had to look up Edna. I didn't know it was something that Adam&Eve did.
Yes. I am thinking a few houses just to make sure there are no breaks in action.
Goes to prove that any random Google search will turn up the wrong answer  Edna was Adam's second wife. That story isn't in the King James bible. It's in a Dead Sea Scroll that only my own eyes have seen |
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Post by shamwow on Jul 13, 2017 13:49:58 GMT -5
Haha, I had to look up Edna. I didn't know it was something that Adam&Eve did.
Yes. I am thinking a few houses just to make sure there are no breaks in action.
Goes to prove that any random Google search will turn up the wrong answer Edna was Adam's second wife. That story isn't in the King James bible. It's in a Dead Sea Scroll that only my own eyes have seen I thought of you look up Adam and eve online they sell sex toys... |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 13, 2017 13:51:47 GMT -5
Goes to prove that any random Google search will turn up the wrong answer Edna was Adam's second wife. That story isn't in the King James bible. It's in a Dead Sea Scroll that only my own eyes have seen I thought of you look up Adam and eve online they sell sex toys... Only the garden variety kind! |
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Post by beachguy on Jul 13, 2017 13:58:36 GMT -5
Goes to prove that any random Google search will turn up the wrong answer Edna was Adam's second wife. That story isn't in the King James bible. It's in a Dead Sea Scroll that only my own eyes have seen I thought of you look up Adam and eve online they sell sex toys... No, not THAT Adam and Eve Yet Another Google Search Fail |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Jul 13, 2017 14:27:36 GMT -5
becca, @elle - and others who have a partner with addiction issues (alcohol or other ones) - I strongly encourage checking out Al Anon. It's a 12-step program for those who are with "us" & it can help you with boundaries & self-care. It's a great program. shamwow - I'm so grateful you would trust enough to accept help & I feel complimented that you specifically found me to be of help. I am SO excited for you (& lady-guest). Enjoy the hell out of sober sex. Record it in your mind. Savor it. You have yourself a wonderful time showing your friend a great time.
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Moetse Tau
Junior Member
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Age Range: 41-45
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Post by Moetse Tau on Jul 13, 2017 15:03:13 GMT -5
Haha, I had to look up Edna. I didn't know it was something that Adam&Eve did.
Yes. I am thinking a few houses just to make sure there are no breaks in action.
Goes to prove that any random Google search will turn up the wrong answer Edna was Adam's second wife. That story isn't in the King James bible. It's in a Dead Sea Scroll that only my own eyes have seen Haha. Ah. I knew of Lilith, his first wife, but not of Edna. I guess he got around a bit. Works better that way, Way to much incest happening in the beginning, in order to get a whole peoples started, at least with three or more wives it brings it to half siblings, which I suppose is a bit more acceptable. Of course, I am not sure how much Lilith counts, I mean, she was a demon. But, that answers a lot of other questions about human nature.
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Moetse Tau
Junior Member
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Age Range: 41-45
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Post by Moetse Tau on Jul 13, 2017 15:06:51 GMT -5
Back to sham.
I am happy for you and your new freedom, and I am
really glad you found a lady friend and get to
spend a weekend with her. Awesome!!!
Just marks one of the possibilities of things
you can do now that you are free of your SM.
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Post by shamwow on Jul 14, 2017 8:41:16 GMT -5
T-Plus-2: Divorce Finalized T-Minus-0: Shammy's Lady Visits - Day One Houston...lunar module has been placed into orbit and is awaiting...uh...insertion. Final approach begins in a few hours. We talked last night, and I don't think either of us will be nervous, except for perhaps the first few minutes after meeting. After all, we have been getting to know each other for a few months now. This is gonna be fun! I've got some other shit that the ex wife did yesterday to fuck with my head, but honestly, I don't even feel like talking about it. My lady put some wisdom in my head and asked that when the situation is reversed I do the same. I'm tired of letting my ex pull my strings, and I'm going to do my best to keep quacking and let that water roll off my back. I've got a big weekend ahead. I think I need to go to the hardware store. I may need a crowbar to pry the grin off my face. |
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Post by hopingforachange on Jul 14, 2017 8:55:14 GMT -5
T-Plus-2: Divorce Finalized T-Minus-0: Shammy's Lady Visits - Day One Houston...lunar module has been placed into orbit and is awaiting...uh...insertion. Final approach begins in a few hours. We talked last night, and I don't think either of us will be nervous, except for perhaps the first few minutes after meeting. After all, we have been getting to know each other for a few months now. This is gonna be fun! I've got some other shit that the ex wife did yesterday to fuck with my head, but honestly, I don't even feel like talking about it. My lady put some wisdom in my head and asked that when the situation is reversed I do the same. I'm tired of letting my ex pull my strings, and I'm going to do my best to keep quacking and let that water roll off my back. I've got a big weekend ahead. I think I need to go to the hardware store. I may need a crowbar to pry the grin off my face. If your going to the hardware store anyways, you might want to pick up some 3/8" diameter rope and some safety shears, you know, just in case. |
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