T-Minus

Congrats shamwow

I can relate to a lot of what you wrote about the unemotional signing of the divorce paperwork, missing the kids, being alone, wondering about the right decision because I think sometimes our head tells us one thing but our heart another. The emotions ebb and flow. Congrats on the sobriety! I think you are doing great and you should be very proud of yourself (I'm proud of you) and the way you have handled and taken back your life! It's your life! Enjoy it!

Good work Shamwow.

T-Plus-16: Move out of house
T-Minus-?: Divorce Finalized
T-Plus-5: Move into new house

I actually had to sign the divorce decree 3 times. The first time, my attorney had the red-line version which had the wrong page number. The second time, her fax machine wasn't working. The third time I went to her office and also signed over the power of attorney for my wife to transfer the title of her car out of my name. On that third signing, I asked if I could keep the pen. The lady behind the desk gave me a knowing look and said sure. I suspect I'm not the first person to ask that question. I've got a little "box of treasures" including things like the keys to my first car, a bunch of old pennies I collected as a kid, etc...That pen will join the box of treasures.

So, last night was the first night I came back to an empty house. The kids were with my wife for the day, and I will have them tomorrow and the weekend (so it's only one day), but I really was alone (although I did have the dog). On the way home, I had stopped by my folks and picked up some things I had left. I've got almost everything from there at this point. My mom made me some dinner which was nice, but eventually, I had to get home and face the empty house.

It was strange in many ways. On the way home, I was talking with a female friend on the phone and it felt strange to be able to continue talking once I went into the house. There was nobody to ask who I was talking with and what I was talking about. I didn't even used to talk with parents or sister when I went into the house because I felt under scrutiny...especially since the divorce was announced. Who knows where the conversation may lead? I did give that same friend a Skype tour of the house. That part was kind of fun, especially as I got lost upstairs (it is a really eclectic floor plan with twists and turns).

I wanted to get to bed relatively early, so I took something to help me sleep. I lay in my new adjustable bed and flipped on the 65 inch TV across the room. I watched a Joe Rogan comedy special on Netflix and eventually drifted off to sleep. The "have I made a terrible mistake" thoughts never entered my mind. This may sound awful, but I am honestly going to miss the company of our dog, Smores more than my wife. I have a feeling that she may feel the same about me, and that's OK.

This morning, because I was early to bed, I was also early to rise. I had a moment of panic as I heard sounds on the floor near my bedroom door, but quickly realized it was just the dog's claws on the wood floor freaking me out. So as I lay there, the anticipated moment of angst the previous night having passed, I asked myself not "did I make a mistake?", but "what's next?" So the good part is I feel no regret. But the bad part is now I need to figure out what I want...and infinitely more difficult question. It is one that excites me and scares me at the same time, which makes it sound like a good question to ask. But it also isn't a question I need to answer right now at this moment. Right now? I will just enjoy watching some comedy on TV and drinking some diet cream soda.

Hopefully, my wife can sign the paperwork today and we can get this in front of a judge ASAP. I want this whole thing over.

Then...I can work on what I want to do with the rest of my life. That part should be a bit more fun as the T-Plus counter climbs...

Wife has signed the final divorce decree as well as both of our attorneys.

All we have to do now is get in front of a judge. Wife's attorney wants to attend as well. I would SO love if we could do this tomorrow morning.

T-Plus-17: Move out of house
T-Minus-4?: Divorce Finalized
T-Plus-6: Move into new house

So everyone has signed the divorce decree except the judge LOL. My wife's attorney wants to be there since she is in court a lot anyway and I'm fine with that. Everything is signed and cannot be changed at this point. If there are any questions, I'd actually rather she be there so that she can answer on my wife's behalf rather than some kind of rescheduling. But in Texas, (as flashjohn attested), a non-contested is more of a rubber stamp if all parties agree on everything.

I've got more unpacking to do this weekend, but we also have a baseball tournament. My wife and I have been to a bunch of these along the way and we sit near each other, cheering our son on, and chatting about the game (armchair coaching, basically). Yes, sometimes things are a bit tense, but we have years and years of experience papering over these kinds of differences and can do it for the 6 hours of baseball we play on a tournament weekend.

God, kids are flexible. As I've discussed before, one of the many reasons that I'm divorcing is that I have a very different idea of parenting than my wife does. She is a classic "helicopter mom". If the kids need something, she swoops in to do it for them. My daughter will be 17 in November and did her first load of laundry last weekend. When I was 17, I was already away in college. I've got some catch-up work to do on that, and having them here alone with me where mom can't swoop down nervously as I teach her snowflakes to take care of themselves looks like it will make all the difference.

I'm starting this by the most time-effective way possible...bribery. I am paying them for each load of laundry washed/dried/folded/put away. I'm paying them for setting up the kitchen table and putting things away after dinner. I'm paying them to take out the trash. I'm paying them to make their beds and keep their rooms clean. At some point, after these have been developed as habits, I will stop paying them ala carte and give them an allowance with a level of expectation that all of these things are done. Basically, this is the way I was raised. Oh, and I also have expectations on myself. If they catch me not making my bed and such? I pay them a penalty for that. My dad is also helping by letting my son do his 2-acre "yard" every other week for the same amount he paid someone else to take care of it for him (he's in his 70's in Texas - he doesn't need a heart attack).

I'm going to get them each set up with a bank account with a debit card. My wife is going to set one up for my daughter too and just fill it up. I want to separate the money that they EARN from the money they are given. As a student of human nature, I suspect they will be more mindful of the money they had to work for.

So right now, I am in a grey area between me being legally divorced and living as though I am legally divorced. But God willing, I should be out completely sometime next week. Once that is done, a huge burden will be lifted from me. I can't wait!

Sadly no, but I am handy with tools and can build an A Frame pretty easily that will support... Uh... Load bearing stress.