A Sad Truth...

baza - I should have actually credited YOU with the choice bit.

How about if we say this:

I choose to stay in my marriage, despite it not lining up with my wants/needs. I do this happily (for many reasons).

OR:

I choose to stay in my marriage because I am self-abusive and I enjoy the pain.

Recognizing self-abuse is *maybe* more important than recognizing "abuse" heaped on you by your spouse.

This observation is really good. Self abuse is exactly what it has been for me. She didn't do anything to me. I did it all to myself. I am having trouble finding my way out.

Padgemi,
Some therapists, deans and guidance counselors have said things suggesting that instead of divorcing when kids are in college, it would be better to divorce before.
"While most of the concerns regarding the impact of divorce on children are focused on younger children living at home, divorce also impacts older children. College aged children often have a strong reaction to divorce that parents are unprepared to handle.

This issue is gaining increased relevance as more older couples are undergoing divorce, leading to many children receiving the dreaded “freshman call” announcing that their parents are getting a divorce. If you and your spouse have decided to get a divorce, here are some helpful tips for helping your college aged children deal with this major life change:

If you are divorcing at this time in your child’s life, keep the following in mind:
Concept of home is lost – College may be the first time that your child is on their own. While most kids relish the independence of college, in many ways home becomes more important as a base of familiarity and stability. With the news of divorce the idea of home may be lost. He may worry that he won’t have a place to go over the break or be sad about the loss of his childhood home.
Feelings of guilt – While younger kids tend to worry that they are the cause of a divorce, college aged kids often have feeling of guilt that they could have done something to help save their parents’ marriage. These feelings can exist even if the child knows that the marriage was troubled.
Shock – While many college aged kids have the maturity and insight to understand may see troubles in their parents’ marriage, one study found that college aged kids often romanticized their parents relationship and felt they grew up in the “all-American family”. For these kids, the news of an impending divorce can be a complete surprise." drconklindanao.com/college-aged-kids-divorce/

Important to remember is that whenever you divorce, your children will be impacted. One can always find an offspring-base reason not to divorce. Not divorcing also impacts them because they may model their own relationships on what they see in yours.

It's also important to realize that divorcing your spouse doesn't mean you'll be divorcing your children. You still can be an involved parent.

My own experience was that I grew up amidst parents in a sexless, contempt-filled, affectionless marriage. They stayed together "for the sake of the children." As a teen, I wished they would divorce. As an adult, I'm sorry that they never divorced. It was very difficult for me to unlearn things that I had grown up thinking were normal in relationships. For instance, from the time that I was about 6, my parents had separate bedrooms. I only remember my father affectionately touching my mother one time, 
in relationships. For instance, from the time that I was about 6, my parents had separate bedrooms. I only remember my father affectionately touching my mother one time. As a result, I thought my own marriage was wonderful because even though my ex and I hadn't had sex for years, at least he'd hold my hand when we went out, and he'd give me a (brief) kiss in the morning and evening. And he spoke to me with kindness, not contempt.

I have two daughters myself.  Unfortunately, there is no convenient time to divorce.  It will always affect the children.  My daughters were extremely upset with me when I moved out.  Luckily, they are very close with my sister, who has spoken to both of them quite a bit.  She is very supportive of my decision.

On the plus side, I did avoid custody & child support issues.  My main concern was what would happen to my daughters when they were alone with my wife.  She is very controlling and abusive.  Now that they are older, I don't have to worry about that as much.

Excellent point - so then, option #2 applies. The people who do it begrudgingly, resentfully, regretfully and with resignation or deep sorrow are practicing self-abuse.

Congrats! I am glad you are happy after deciding to divorce. It makes absolute sense.

Let's just call it enlightened self interest.  One does not have to be a church-goer (I'd probably burst into flame if I entered a church) to be kind.

And to be clear, my STBX is nothing like many of the others here (yours included).  She is a really good woman, just a terrible wife who married me under false pretenses.  I don't hate her, and there is no reason we can't go our separate ways and try to find what happiness we can.  I truly hope she does find happiness on her path.

But thank you for the compliment.  I respect the way you're handling your difficult situation as well, brother.  Texas isn't that big (something that can only be said by someone who lives here).  Once I am emancipated I plan on riding my motorcycle all over.  Perhaps we can break bread sometime.