hi, ho, hi, ho... to the therapist we go
May 12, 2017 22:57:26 GMT -5
JMX, petrushka, and 14 more like this
Post by TMD on May 12, 2017 22:57:26 GMT -5
Today the roommate (when do I get to call him STBX? when we have legal docs in hand?) and I saw the therapist, where we had a "normal" conversation.
After introductions, she asked us what we wanted to discuss. Since I made the appointment, the roommate deferred to me. I said, in abbreviated form, that we are not able to talk about difficult subjects, and I want a divorce.
Well. That surprised the roommate. He didn't know I wanted a divorce.
Huh.
I am surprised that he some how missed the link between I don't want to be married to you and I do not want to reconcile. I am not sure what he thought the therapy appointment was for.
And I didn't ask him. I don't need to know.
The therapist then gave us a couple of options to proceed with: a. discuss the emotional aspects of divorce, b. discuss the logistical/legal aspects, or c. a combo of both.
Given that I already have some ideas as to how to proceed with the divorce, and I've done quite a bit of therapy since realizing I don't want to be in this marriage, I asked the roommate to choose. He took option 'c.'
In the course of conversation, exploring questions, we talked about how the roommate hasn't told anybody about our marriage or the dissolution of it. He asked for help. A moment in which I was very proud of him. He recognizes that he needs support to wade through this and asked for it. He is resigned to the fact that the marriage isn't salvageable. And on some level, I know he's known this, but not admitted it, for a long period of time. But now he needs to reconcile himself to this.
I also learned today that because we haven't shared a room in about a year and half, the courts may allow us to expedite the divorce (i.e. we get credit for, "time served," so to speak). I still anticipate it will take a year to sort through things. But it was good to hear.
We concluded the session with an agreement to work on a few things by the end of June:
1. tell the kids, together
2. agree on the living arrangements (let kids live in home and stay there when on duty with kids -- a short term measure, or sell house)
3. agree upon a parenting plan/schedule (i.e. when which one of us will have the kids)
4. get legal consult (for roommate; I've done so already)
Surprisingly, it went well. We received a figurative 'gold star' from the therapist for being able to discuss the matters calmly and respectfully.
And we left each other -- drove separately as I worked today -- on good terms.
I know what's ahead won't be easy. But I am relieved and lighter tonight knowing that we are moving forward with his commitment to doing his part in the process. It's a start.
After introductions, she asked us what we wanted to discuss. Since I made the appointment, the roommate deferred to me. I said, in abbreviated form, that we are not able to talk about difficult subjects, and I want a divorce.
Well. That surprised the roommate. He didn't know I wanted a divorce.
Huh.
I am surprised that he some how missed the link between I don't want to be married to you and I do not want to reconcile. I am not sure what he thought the therapy appointment was for.
And I didn't ask him. I don't need to know.
The therapist then gave us a couple of options to proceed with: a. discuss the emotional aspects of divorce, b. discuss the logistical/legal aspects, or c. a combo of both.
Given that I already have some ideas as to how to proceed with the divorce, and I've done quite a bit of therapy since realizing I don't want to be in this marriage, I asked the roommate to choose. He took option 'c.'
In the course of conversation, exploring questions, we talked about how the roommate hasn't told anybody about our marriage or the dissolution of it. He asked for help. A moment in which I was very proud of him. He recognizes that he needs support to wade through this and asked for it. He is resigned to the fact that the marriage isn't salvageable. And on some level, I know he's known this, but not admitted it, for a long period of time. But now he needs to reconcile himself to this.
I also learned today that because we haven't shared a room in about a year and half, the courts may allow us to expedite the divorce (i.e. we get credit for, "time served," so to speak). I still anticipate it will take a year to sort through things. But it was good to hear.
We concluded the session with an agreement to work on a few things by the end of June:
1. tell the kids, together
2. agree on the living arrangements (let kids live in home and stay there when on duty with kids -- a short term measure, or sell house)
3. agree upon a parenting plan/schedule (i.e. when which one of us will have the kids)
4. get legal consult (for roommate; I've done so already)
Surprisingly, it went well. We received a figurative 'gold star' from the therapist for being able to discuss the matters calmly and respectfully.
And we left each other -- drove separately as I worked today -- on good terms.
I know what's ahead won't be easy. But I am relieved and lighter tonight knowing that we are moving forward with his commitment to doing his part in the process. It's a start.
