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Post by lyn on May 4, 2017 21:02:33 GMT -5
Ok - just spitballing here.
Is there ever an upside to accepting reset sex?
A downside?
My exit plan is firmly in place - everything is in order - have attorney's on speed dial, cash, even know where I'm going to live after.
The actual celibacy might possibly be killing me at this point 😞
He's been attempting reset pretty regularly (after being out - with a few cocktails)........
How detrimental do y'all think it would be if I go along with it one time?
Still leaving, plans still in place, but, a warm body might be nice for the time being.
I'm actually pretty conflicted about this. Not big on "using" people, but we are actually married here. So.......
Ugh...... this is tough
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Post by cagedtiger on May 4, 2017 21:05:29 GMT -5
Ok - just spitballing here. Is there ever an upside to accepting reset sex? A downside? My exit plan is firmly in place - everything is in order - have attorney's on speed dial, cash, even know where I'm going to live after. The actual celibacy might possibly be killing me at this point 😞 He's been attempting reset pretty regularly (after being out - with a few cocktails)........ How detrimental do y'all think it would be if I go along with it one time? Still leaving, plans still in place, but, a warm body might be nice for the time being. I'm actually pretty conflicted about this. Not big on "using" people, but we are actually married here. So....... Ugh...... this is tough To quote the warrior-poet Akon, "doesn't matter, had sex." From all accounts, he should know what's coming by now, a mile away- ESPECIALLY after family members have flat out told him you're leaving. I personally see nothing wrong with one last (potential) orgasm, if you're so inclined. I know in my case, even if my wife had been up for it, I'd quite honestly become so disgusted with the thought of sex with her that I wouldn't have gone along anyway. As long as you don't feel the same way, I'd say go for it. |
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Post by baza on May 4, 2017 21:12:24 GMT -5
I think, that if you *know* that what you are being offered is re-set sex, and you are not going to be fooled into thinking it's anything else - like it being a "new beginning" or any other such bullshit - you could treat as "just a fuck". But I do think that it requires a certain mindset and personality to play with this particular fire. And I have no wish to insult you Sister lyn , but I have grave doubts that you have that mindset and personality. You have never - in my recollection at least - presented as being a user, and in this scenario, you'd have to be a user to some degree. As ever though, it's your choice what you do. |
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Post by lyn on May 4, 2017 21:28:41 GMT -5
I know. I should probably even delete this post, but, I am a lame duck at this point, however, I've never been a "user" or "taker" so in the end, this few minutes of mediocre sex would probably make me feel crappy and maybe give him hope.
Sigh. Being a human is hard.
Who even knows at this point.
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Post by greatcoastal on May 4, 2017 21:32:16 GMT -5
I agree with baza.
Just your whole post answers it already. Why do something that will only be a physical exchange, when you truly need it to have strong meaning for you emotionally as well. You deserve much more!!
Sounds risky. It may not seem like it now ,but you will be helping both of you in the future, by holding onto your boundaries. Your self respect for your own braver , harder choice, will pay off, in time.
Doesn't this go back to, "don't shred your creed?"
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Post by greatcoastal on May 4, 2017 21:35:39 GMT -5
I know. I should probably even delete this post, but, I am a lame duck at this point, however, I've never been a "user" or "taker" so in the end, this few minutes of mediocre sex would probably make me feel crappy and maybe give him hope. Sigh. Being a human is hard. Who even knows at this point. It's a phase, my friend. Reminds me of my episodes of walking by the hotels on the beach at night, wondering if there are any women spending the night alone. Now I look back and think" yea I can feel pretty desperate at times". |
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Post by worksforme2 on May 4, 2017 22:05:01 GMT -5
You negated my origional reply with your last post. I was going to ask if he was any good at all when it comes to banging you? I am divorced, but my X and I have had sex a few times since the divorce was finalized. (My claim to fame here) But I can say with a good deal of confidence that sex was all it was. Neither of us is interested in re-establishing a joint domicile. My X gives a great bj. I like to think I am fairly decent on my end. I don't see it quite the way baz depicts the actions. True we are using each other, but also giving to each other and there is something to be said for that. It's not the kind of sex that moves the earth but our toes are curling so I don't think either of us is faking it.
It doesn't read like that would be the experience you are likely to have. If it's mediocre then you might be better off with a new guy once you are out.
PS...I recommend an older man with about 48 yrs. of experience.
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Post by Deleted on May 4, 2017 22:31:22 GMT -5
Lyn,
I don't think you should have sex with your husband. It might reignite hope in you. I understand about being horny and maybe subconsciously you're doubting your decision.
I never had a friends with benefits situation. It was not that common when I was dating. If there was every time for friends with benefits, it would be now.
Is there someone else that you're comfortable with who could meet this need?
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Post by shamwow on May 4, 2017 23:12:54 GMT -5
Is it reset sex if you're not "reset"? Completely honestly, if you can stick with the plan, I don't see the harm. Just be sure you'll stick with the plan.  |
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Post by dinnaken on May 5, 2017 1:27:50 GMT -5
Hi Lyn,
If your exit-plan has been put in motion but he still thinks that there is a chance that reset sex might work and you'd put your plan on hold then - no. It's not fair on him and, no matter what's gone on in the past, I don't think that's the kind of person you are.
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Post by McRoomMate on May 5, 2017 1:48:18 GMT -5
Yes, I would avoid at all costs being guilty of offering "false hope" that there is still a chance to save the couple relationship.
If your heart-mind is made up . .. and it sounds like it is, this reset sex would seem highly likely to cause your H additional pain and suffering ultimately.
The times I tried "reset sex" but in good faith only to see it turn cold fast . . . and mostly from my own attitude from the rapid return of all the built up resentments over the years - it does not wash it away, comes back to "default" position fast.
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Post by lyn on May 5, 2017 4:50:03 GMT -5
To me it would just be sex. To him, on the other hand, he might think it's more than that. An olive branch of sorts - false hope.
I'm a lot of things, but am certainly not an a**hole. Probably shouldn't sleep with him, but, what I will do is tell him why I won't (that is if the opportunity arises again).,
The end of this thing is far trickier than I ever imagined. I'll be out soon enough though and I'm finding there are plenty of fish in the sea.
This story is just getting old! So ready for a new one.
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Post by McRoomMate on May 5, 2017 4:57:34 GMT -5
To me it would just be sex. To him, on the other hand, he might think it's more than that. An olive branch of sorts - false hope. I'm a lot of things, but am certainly not an a**hole. Probably shouldn't sleep with him, but, what I will do is tell him why I won't (that is if the opportunity arises again)., The end of this thing is far trickier than I ever imagined. I'll be out soon enough though and I'm finding there are plenty of fish in the sea. This story is just getting old! So ready for a new one. It says in the Good Book "The Truth shall set you free" - Man did I get that in a massive dose and with it my freedom. So personally, I find the idea of saying no and explaining why would be acting in transparency and good faith - and does not seem to be intentionally causing him harm (like unloading on your bad past behavior with sordid confessions etc. - for example). Because here you are explaining your heart/mind as the deep reason for your "no" answer - you might want some physical but not at the expense of offering "false hope". Oh boy, I can tell you being guilty of "False Hope" really sucks - not a fun thing to have committed. |
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Post by greatcoastal on May 5, 2017 5:00:24 GMT -5
"This story is getting old! So ready for a new one"
Yea....the other night I was in my "Divorce Recovery " class, we had two attorneys answering questions for us. The question came up, "how long does it take for a contested divorce to happen? The answer was, "at least a year, maybe two". Lots of groans in the class.
Buckle up for the ride! It's never really over.
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Post by doneanddone on May 5, 2017 11:34:58 GMT -5
Ok - just spitballing here. Is there ever an upside to accepting reset sex? A downside? My exit plan is firmly in place - everything is in order - have attorney's on speed dial, cash, even know where I'm going to live after. The actual celibacy might possibly be killing me at this point 😞 He's been attempting reset pretty regularly (after being out - with a few cocktails)........ How detrimental do y'all think it would be if I go along with it one time? Still leaving, plans still in place, but, a warm body might be nice for the time being. I'm actually pretty conflicted about this. Not big on "using" people, but we are actually married here. So....... Ugh...... this is tough When my first marriage was pretty much over and she had all but moved out and was living with a friend, she came by one evening to get some more of her stuff. I had friends over for a playoff game and before she left with her last round of stuff, I bent her over in the bathroom for one final hoorah.....We both knew what it was at that point and were happy with it. That marriage ended for other reason not related to sex but the sex was good with her it was just not a good match for either of us. We were young, like real young. Early 20's so it didn't last but a couple of years if that. So if you can handle the moment and know it's nothing more than a quickie, i say go for it but be wise not to allow it to linger in your thoughts or his. |
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