My story from Japan

Wow... Some of the things you've said. I have no words. I have read about sexual issues in Japan, but never anything like this. I hope you find advice here that helps you. You mentioned a friend who ended up divorcing. Do you have any friends IRL you can talk to?

I can't get in touch with her since last year. After the divorce she was attacked by almost everyone, claiming it was all her fault, how could she had an affair, her poor husband etc. She changed her number and email address and deleted her profile from every community page. The only thing I know is that she's still living in Japan.

Now I only have Japanese friends. Not much help, lol. I've asked my married friends and they said they don't have sex regularly or at all, but they don't need it. They were shocked to hear I still want sex. And I'm shocked they're fine without it.

I think it's time for a good vent or my head will blow up...

Since the weekend I've opened my eyes, stepped back a little and observed our everyday life. H really wants to control everyone and everything. Up until today I did everything as he said. This morning I made a small mistake by forgetting a paper coffee cup on the table. After listening to comments like I can't do such easy tasks and I'm a bad wife, I said sorry and stood up to waste that cup. He said it's too late, he did it already. I just said sorry again for causing a problem. And since then, he just acts like nothing ever happened.

I'm too tired of telling him again and again: what about me doing everything around the house, cleaning after him every f*ing day because he simply doesn't appreciate my work enough to not make a mess 5 min after I cleaned the whole place? I know, this is the role of a housewife. His work is appreciated by a paycheck. What about my work? The paycheck should be at least a "thank you", but that never happens.
This happens every month. What's shocking is it wasn't like this until we had a child. I have to remind him again and again, but no effect after a week passed.

We had "the talk" again too. I promised myself that this was the last one. I told him that I need him emotionally, physically, sexually. And even if it's a cultural thing in Japan, he knows I'm not Japanese, this is not normal for me and I wasn't warned about this before we got married. And now expects me to deal with it. I also told him I feel less and less attracted to him thanks to all the failed attempts and rejections. (Although I felt the urge, I didn't threat him saying I'll look for intimacy at somewhere else, because that would just backfire.)

Our marriage is getting worse and I'm tired of trying to keep everything together. I know, I shouldn't give up for my child's sake, but I just had enough. He doesn't need a wife, just a maid.

"We had "the talk" again too. I promised myself that this was the last one" - you say Sister idna

If (as is extremely likely) he does nothing, or fobs you off, what are you actually prepared to do ?

Gaining financial independence is a great idea - irrespective of whether your marriage is "made in heaven" or is an "ILIASM shithole".
It is a basic responsibility of every adult.

With an appropriate plan, and discipline, you can "fix" your finances.

You can't fix an ILIASM shithole.

I'm sorry, baza. I lose my mind easily when I'm annoyed. Now I see that everything I wrote has nothing to do with this.
I realised that I can't fix my SM, nothing ever will. Since I'm the one going against the culture, there's basically nothing I can do. For now, I think I'll just try to befriend the thought of it, not lose myself in the process and find my happiness somewhere in it (or outside of it).

Your answer to him...." you know I've been thinking about what you've said and you're right. I feel EXACTLY the same way about you. I have also been feeling that I need much stronger stimulation than just you. Glad that we are both on the same page regarding satisfying ourselves in ways that works best for each of us".