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Post by tamara68 on Mar 20, 2017 15:25:55 GMT -5
great comparison!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 6, 2017 22:29:41 GMT -5
I just updated. This is the one about living in a car. I changed it to living in a shack.
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Post by ballofconfusion on Apr 7, 2017 11:35:31 GMT -5
flashjohn - this is precisely what happened to me on my honeymoon. Zero sex. Nothing. That was 24 years ago and the memory still brings deep pain. I can vividly remember my husband telling me that I was "ruining a beautiful trip" by "arguing" about sex. I was scared, devastated, and ashamed and had no idea what to DO. Unfortunately, I also loved him and so I stayed - in essence doing nothing. Of course, the sex issue never left the marriage. It's amazing how convenient not using birth control because he is a serious Catholic could be for him...though we did manage to have four children (each one time hits - but I digress). There was something in your entry that just resonated with me. At the time, I felt to petty. Now, I know that I should have left him.
Since my initial post about five weeks ago, I have asked for a divorce. We have had the first of six mediation sessions and the pleadings have been filed. This is really happening. I alternate between a bit of excitement that my time to worry about this and him is ending and complete fear that my time to have to worry about this and him is ending. I will take a fairly large financial hit and will have to go to work full time. We work at the same Catholic parish and I fear what people will say/do/think. We tell our kids in mid-May and that keeps me up most nights (two kids at home in high school and two in college). I worry that the kids will blame me for leaving their dad (who has in the past several years remembered childhood sexual abuse to which he attributes his lack of interest in sex). He is also in therapy for lifelong depression and they do know this about the situation. I would love to tell them someday about how I was "tricked" in my marriage - how their dad knew he didn't like sex but married me anyway and robbing me of the full CHOICE.
We are trying to come up with a nesting agreement so I can remain under the same roof until I have some solid financial footing - which is very decent of him. This whole process is heart-wrenching. Few people have had refusal begin on the honeymoon (some here have - I know). Less than four people in my life even know of my situation as it is difficult to discuss. It is embarrassing as a woman to not be desired, especially when so many women complain about their husbands never leaving them alone. That just incenses me. I feel so sorry for the husbands.
At any rate, thank you for your blog and the recent entry. I look forward to reading from the beginning now that I know it exists.
I also have to say that it was AFTER finding this forum and posting and asking for help that I found the courage to ask for a divorce. I haven't posted much on here as I don't share too easily, but reading from others has quite literally changed my life.
Thank you for your ability to share publicly with your blog. You likely touch FAR more people than you realize.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2017 12:01:45 GMT -5
flashjohn - this is precisely what happened to me on my honeymoon. Zero sex. Nothing. That was 24 years ago and the memory still brings deep pain. I can vividly remember my husband telling me that I was "ruining a beautiful trip" by "arguing" about sex. I was scared, devastated, and ashamed and had no idea what to DO. Unfortunately, I also loved him and so I stayed - in essence doing nothing. Of course, the sex issue never left the marriage. It's amazing how convenient not using birth control because he is a serious Catholic could be for him...though we did manage to have four children (each one time hits - but I digress). There was something in your entry that just resonated with me. At the time, I felt to petty. Now, I know that I should have left him. Since my initial post about five weeks ago, I have asked for a divorce. We have had the first of six mediation sessions and the pleadings have been filed. This is really happening. I alternate between a bit of excitement that my time to worry about this and him is ending and complete fear that my time to have to worry about this and him is ending. I will take a fairly large financial hit and will have to go to work full time. We work at the same Catholic parish and I fear what people will say/do/think. We tell our kids in mid-May and that keeps me up most nights (two kids at home in high school and two in college). I worry that the kids will blame me for leaving their dad (who has in the past several years remembered childhood sexual abuse to which he attributes his lack of interest in sex). He is also in therapy for lifelong depression and they do know this about the situation. I would love to tell them someday about how I was "tricked" in my marriage - how their dad knew he didn't like sex but married me anyway and robbing me of the full CHOICE. We are trying to come up with a nesting agreement so I can remain under the same roof until I have some solid financial footing - which is very decent of him. This whole process is heart-wrenching. Few people have had refusal begin on the honeymoon (some here have - I know). Less than four people in my life even know of my situation as it is difficult to discuss. It is embarrassing as a woman to not be desired, especially when so many women complain about their husbands never leaving them alone. That just incenses me. I feel so sorry for the husbands. At any rate, thank you for your blog and the recent entry. I look forward to reading from the beginning now that I know it exists. I also have to say that it was AFTER finding this forum and posting and asking for help that I found the courage to ask for a divorce. I haven't posted much on here as I don't share too easily, but reading from others has quite literally changed my life. Thank you for your ability to share publicly with your blog. You likely touch FAR more people than you realize. Thank you for your kind words. I plan to write a book about it at some point. The working title is"The Sin the Church Ignores" |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2017 15:26:04 GMT -5
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Post by Venus Erotes on Apr 14, 2017 20:08:08 GMT -5
flashjohn - this is precisely what happened to me on my honeymoon. Zero sex. Nothing. That was 24 years ago and the memory still brings deep pain. I can vividly remember my husband telling me that I was "ruining a beautiful trip" by "arguing" about sex. I was scared, devastated, and ashamed and had no idea what to DO. Unfortunately, I also loved him and so I stayed - in essence doing nothing. Of course, the sex issue never left the marriage. It's amazing how convenient not using birth control because he is a serious Catholic could be for him...though we did manage to have four children (each one time hits - but I digress). There was something in your entry that just resonated with me. At the time, I felt to petty. Now, I know that I should have left him. Since my initial post about five weeks ago, I have asked for a divorce. We have had the first of six mediation sessions and the pleadings have been filed. This is really happening. I alternate between a bit of excitement that my time to worry about this and him is ending and complete fear that my time to have to worry about this and him is ending. I will take a fairly large financial hit and will have to go to work full time. We work at the same Catholic parish and I fear what people will say/do/think. We tell our kids in mid-May and that keeps me up most nights (two kids at home in high school and two in college). I worry that the kids will blame me for leaving their dad (who has in the past several years remembered childhood sexual abuse to which he attributes his lack of interest in sex). He is also in therapy for lifelong depression and they do know this about the situation. I would love to tell them someday about how I was "tricked" in my marriage - how their dad knew he didn't like sex but married me anyway and robbing me of the full CHOICE. We are trying to come up with a nesting agreement so I can remain under the same roof until I have some solid financial footing - which is very decent of him. This whole process is heart-wrenching. Few people have had refusal begin on the honeymoon (some here have - I know). Less than four people in my life even know of my situation as it is difficult to discuss. It is embarrassing as a woman to not be desired, especially when so many women complain about their husbands never leaving them alone. That just incenses me. I feel so sorry for the husbands. At any rate, thank you for your blog and the recent entry. I look forward to reading from the beginning now that I know it exists. I also have to say that it was AFTER finding this forum and posting and asking for help that I found the courage to ask for a divorce. I haven't posted much on here as I don't share too easily, but reading from others has quite literally changed my life. Thank you for your ability to share publicly with your blog. You likely touch FAR more people than you realize. I still need to read flashjohn's post, but before I do... ballofconfusion I completely here you. and I said the EXACT SAME THING. I just thought he was a really good catholic and that was why he withheld. I spent years trying to seduce him, only to be met with "oh honey, not tonight" or "I'm really tired" or whatever excuse was next on his menu. I just read your first post - I am responding to it now. You're not alone. I am living the same life. A second-hand survivor of childhood sexual abuse. |
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Post by unmatched on Apr 15, 2017 23:15:26 GMT -5
Actually, I kind of liked it. If I read that on a dating site I would be quite tempted to respond. (Maybe the second half more than the first, which might just be TMI to stick on a dating site...) I don't know if it is because I know your history, but when I read that I get 'smart, intelligent woman who is comfortable with herself and wants an honest relationship with a decent sex life'. Works for me! Maybe you should try setting up a profile on a new site and see what you get back? |
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Post by bballgirl on Apr 16, 2017 5:51:29 GMT -5
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Post by petrushka on Apr 16, 2017 9:23:34 GMT -5
I also read it. Anything you say I'd go along with, that's pretty much the kind of profile I'd respond to. Sounds attractive to me. I love the rant. I'm on board with that. However, I wonder about this: if someone comes up to me with a bunch of high expectations that I can meet, and then tells me that their cat is more important to them than a relationship with a compatible {human}{mate}{friend}, should I run for the hills? I've had cats. I like cats. I get on well with cats. (Also, I am very allergic. My cats had to sleep outside. They knew they could not come inside and toed the threshold. No problemo.) If a friend puts their cat/dog/goldfish/hamster way ahead of my comfort and health, they slide right down the totem pole of my esteem. This has happened. Because it says something to me about how they view people, how much esteem they are capable of holding for me. FFS: A cat? Really? Have you thought about what this means? In my people-centric world, there'd be an ad in the paper "free to a good home .." with a sack of dry food thrown in, if I met the woman of my dreams and she can't stand my laid back mousers. But hey ... this isn't my race. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 16, 2017 11:10:45 GMT -5
There are so many men in the world, and not that many have cat allergies. It's extremely unlikely that the only man on the planet who could work out for me, would also be severely allergic to cats.
I think it speaks well of me that I made a commitment to take care of an animal, and I'm not going to ditch a pet who loves me for a man who might not.
If that really is the only problem - and the man is so perfect I can't live without him - why can't he get allergy shots? Or, we could live in separate residences. Think outside the box a little.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2017 14:02:37 GMT -5
I updated today & I think I didn't say anything about the last update. Oh well, there is some new stuff.
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Post by solodriver on May 2, 2017 2:38:42 GMT -5
There are so many men in the world, and not that many have cat allergies. It's extremely unlikely that the only man on the planet who could work out for me, would also be severely allergic to cats. I think it speaks well of me that I made a commitment to take care of an animal, and I'm not going to ditch a pet who loves me for a man who might not. If that really is the only problem - and the man is so perfect I can't live without him - why can't he get allergy shots? Or, we could live in separate residences. Think outside the box a little. My pets are one of the reasons I'm still in my marriage. I probably couldn't have them in an apartment and they would probably end up in a shelter and have to be given up for re-adoption. I have bonds with my pets and my pets have bonds with me and it would be horrible to destroy and disrupt their world. I can't do it. |
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Post by Deleted on May 5, 2017 19:06:44 GMT -5
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Post by worksforme2 on May 6, 2017 13:31:27 GMT -5
This could be the end of a beautiful friendship....... I had a lot say but finally thought, "No I won't do it". |
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My blog.
May 6, 2017 17:00:15 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by Deleted on May 6, 2017 17:00:15 GMT -5
This could be the end of a beautiful friendship....... I had a lot say but finally thought, "No I won't do it". If more people did that (stopped and thought before speaking), we would have a more peaceful world. |
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