What if you could make your spouse desire you?

I believe the unlikelihood of reversal of the situation is a known factor here. I read your post more as a fantasy, wishing that such a scenario could exist. 

I would however argue that the traits you mentioned DO make the desire for one's spouse decrease. However, being in a marriage in particular, but in any committed relationship, typically people have certain expectations and emotions already invested. If you love your spouse and believe them to be good, then you believe that these other traits are temporary and perhaps fixable. You also recall the desire you had from before these traits were prominent, as well as a deep commitment yourself to your wedding vows and to making things right, for better or worse. Additionally, wanting to have sex in the context in which it is acceptable and expected does not equal desire that is irrespective of those negative traits. In my opinion, it is a longing for things to be as they once were or were imagined to be that allows one to overcome dwelling on the negative and continue to have physical desire for one's spouse. For lack of a better explanation, most of us who were or are refused tend to believe that these negative things are not a true reflection of our spouses. Therefore, we are attracted to the portion that we feel is the genuine iteration of our spouse and can manage to ignore the portion that seems unreal to us. Nonetheless, if we could ignore it and continue to have desire without a caveat of any sort, we likely wouldn't be on ILIASM seeking out solutions and answers to the SM conundrum. 

That was a long way to say simply that despite a reduction in desire due to negative traits, desire within the context of marriage is acceptable, so most of us are unwilling to relinquish that. We also have the ability to pretend that the negative isn't real. But to say that those traits don't decrease desire is, in my opinion, disingenuous. 

I would agree in as much as they CAN make desire decrease. But not necessarily. Your own explanation below puts it clearly.



Right, so it's possible - and even probable to still desire your spouse, even in an abusive situation - which is a pretty normal thing to happen by the way, though dysfunctional. And to go with the corollary if it is true that those negative traits are what causes the loss of desire - then everyone on this board is likely NO PICNIC, and that's a super-sympathetic view to the so-called "refusers" who bear them.



You know, I'm really uncertain as to the motive in responding to a post in a reasonable way, but then accusing your interlocutor of being insincere, dishonest, or untruthful. Bite me.

I would without question. But this is impossible.

....or an adult board game

I'm something of a word nerd myself. I don't know much about a lot of things - but Brussels sprouts (with an s) is exactly the sort of thing I would know!

I want to play!! Tequila won't be necessary.