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Post by WindSister on Feb 20, 2017 19:31:30 GMT -5
Yes I've done that. With my ex I gained 70 pounds. I was severely depressed and actually hoped for a disease at one point. Not all his fault, mind you, just where I was. He was indifferent, didn't care and actually preferred me unhappy I believe. Five years before I left I had a huge epiphany about life. Jon Kabbat Zinn was the catalyst for that among other mentors. (Books). I started living. I lost the weight, nothing changed. Got divorced, lost more. (long story short). I gained some again the last year after marrying but not because of depression, just bad habits. Three months ago I started eating right and exercising again and lost it. I plan on keeping it off.
Anyway... I highly encourage self care no matter where we are in life, but I understand depression too. It's a dark place to be. Sending good thoughts...
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2017 20:40:35 GMT -5
I have to be in the right frame of mind to lose weight. I don't have good words to explain it - but if I am not mentally in the right place, I can count points faithfully and never see any loss. (Weight Watchers is the only thing that's ever worked for me - and I still have to be in that right frame of mind.)
When I joined ILIASM on EP 4 years ago, I was 40 lbs overweight. Over the year and a half that followed, I lost 30 lbs. That fact did NOT inspire my refuser to be sexual with me again.
Now, I've gained back about 20 lbs that I had lost. It has been a stressful 4 years since I joined EP. I'm amazed that I managed to lose weight in the first place - and I am not surprised that I gained some of it back.
I do want to get into that right frame of mind, though, and lose the weight for *me*. It's better for my joints and bones; I can move around more easily. Not to mention, I can wear clothes I like better when my weight is down!
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Post by oside77 on Feb 25, 2017 18:52:18 GMT -5
I have tried trimming down, thinking that if I had a fit n sexier body, maybe she would want me more. I lost about 25 pounds and must say, I looked damn good for a time!
It made no difference.
Then I started a new job where I am at a desk all day, and I've gained it all back. I'm not obese or fat, I just have my gut back. I don't worry about trimming down for her anymore.
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Post by shamwow on Feb 25, 2017 19:58:23 GMT -5
I have tried trimming down, thinking that if I had a fit n sexier body, maybe she would want me more. I lost about 25 pounds and must say, I looked damn good for a time! It made no difference. Then I started a new job where I am at a desk all day, and I've gained it all back. I'm not obese or fat, I just have my gut back. I don't worry about trimming down for her anymore. I lost 74 pounds at one point several years ago and didn't even get a "you look great". If you want to look good, do it for YOU, not anyone else. |
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Post by TMD on Feb 26, 2017 1:18:56 GMT -5
I've learned it does not matter if I am fit or fat. It does not matter. I guess the first time I thought this would excite him because I'll look like I did. Nope. The second and third I tried training him in an effort to do something together. If I wasn't pushing him to do it, he didn't. Funny how that's exactly how sex is in our marriage. Sigh Do you know what does matter? You. You matter. Your needs matter. I'm struggling right now too -- with my weight. I was feeling stuck. Couldn't get my brain to follow the logical "eat well and exercise path." Then was recently offered an opp to have a 15-min phone consult with a nutritional consultant. Why not? The funny thing is that we didn't really talk about tips to diet and stay on track. Well. We talked about how to stay on track emotionally. To focus and prioritize me -- for a minimum of 5 min a day (I chose meditation). And she asked me to remember when I was truly happy, without all the baggage. Interesting fact: weight wasn't an issue when I was happy. It was secondary because I was content and had the emotional well-being to make healthy choices, as compared to drowning my feelings in food. As a result, I start each day being mindful of what brings me joy (today it was focusing on laughter, primarily my kids' -- and I had a beautiful day). I am less focused on food, and more focused on doing what gives me emotional balance/pleasure. And somehow? I'm feeling pretty damn good. And food? I'm not punishing myself to reach some extreme goal. Be gentle with yourself. Find a way to make yourself a priority. |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 1, 2017 12:37:18 GMT -5
Now I feel a bit feeble, but all I have done is walk a bit further than usual and eat one or two less biscuits..... However it is heartening to see some men don't mind a bit of extra meat.... As for me, I don't mind how heavy or unfit a bloke is, it's how he treats me that counts! My h is a very fit gym obsessive (NOTHING gets in the way of him and the gym) but look where that has got me. In fact, it is something I would not want a future partner to be into as much - my h has a great workout body, but is not alive inside, so that's what would matter more to me - showing genuine heartfelt passion..... Frankly, I prefer a woman who is not a stick. And I really like a substantial feminine behind. More cushion for the pushin. |
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