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Post by McRoomMate on Feb 18, 2017 17:31:19 GMT -5
Apologies - I will calm down. Hope nobody was offended. I didn't mean it in a negative way.  Seems you flipped a switch and you are full of confidence and courage lately. That's a good thing. Well thank-you. Much appreciated! Your "guess" is astounding. Maybe that is why you are Forum Benefactor and expert analysis with just a few words. I keep details off the thread. "All is Fair in Love and War" is about all I got for what is next. |
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Post by lwoetin on Feb 18, 2017 20:16:07 GMT -5
I didn't mean it in a negative way. Seems you flipped a switch and you are full of confidence and courage lately. That's a good thing. Well thank-you. Much appreciated! Your "guess" is astounding. Maybe that is why you are Forum Benefactor and expert analysis with just a few words. I keep details off the thread. "All is Fair in Love and War" is about all I got for what is next. 4 yrs ago a hot blonde responded to my profile on a dating site. It was probably a unicorn for all I know. I suddenly found great courage to leave my marriage. I think it was all a fantasy. |
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Post by McRoomMate on Feb 19, 2017 0:57:38 GMT -5
Well thank-you. Much appreciated! Your "guess" is astounding. Maybe that is why you are Forum Benefactor and expert analysis with just a few words. I keep details off the thread. "All is Fair in Love and War" is about all I got for what is next. 4 yrs ago a hot blonde responded to my profile on a dating site. It was probably a unicorn for all I know. I suddenly found great courage to leave my marriage. I think it was all a fantasy. Yes I may have a Unicorn myself now. Fantasy or not - getting courage to wake-up and take action is an overdue blessing. The universe works in mysterious ways including throwing a Unicorn in for the right reason every now and then. |
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Post by iceman on Feb 19, 2017 6:27:15 GMT -5
I'm doing very little actually. My W and I largely lead separate lives. The only thing that brings us together is for our kids. I reached my limits with being rejected so I just quit trying. The odd thing is that while it's sad it's also a lot more relaxing. I don't worry about getting rejected anymore. Jumping Jehova-Fish! You are not worried about getting rejected by your W? Me oh my, if you are OK with this as your "Marriage" then so be it. Only thing left I got to say is for the past 10 years my Mantra was I had 2 very good reasons to stay married and that was our 2 Children together. I am just at a point now where that will not suffice. I got the grey hairs sprouting and I see old people walking down the street and my last grandparent just died. Sooner or later death makes us all equal, I am not so inclined to spend whatever life I have left in a passionless marriage when Life is for the living. I have those thoughts all the time. My main conflict is children still at home and I'd like to stay until they are away. But it's getting harder and harder. Time is rushing by and I feel it constantly. |
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Post by McRoomMate on Feb 20, 2017 11:36:02 GMT -5
Jumping Jehova-Fish! You are not worried about getting rejected by your W? Me oh my, if you are OK with this as your "Marriage" then so be it. Only thing left I got to say is for the past 10 years my Mantra was I had 2 very good reasons to stay married and that was our 2 Children together. I am just at a point now where that will not suffice. I got the grey hairs sprouting and I see old people walking down the street and my last grandparent just died. Sooner or later death makes us all equal, I am not so inclined to spend whatever life I have left in a passionless marriage when Life is for the living. I have those thoughts all the time. My main conflict is children still at home and I'd like to stay until they are away. But it's getting harder and harder. Time is rushing by and I feel it constantly. Iceman - Yes I can totally relate. "Stay Together for Kids" - I might propose that to my W when the moment of truth comes and the "Talk" . . . BUT and it is a big monster but - in my case youngest child is 5 and it would be over a decade and they still need support in College / University etc. It never ends basically the duty of being a parent. So how long could I wait. Meanwhile, I am getting older and greyer and next thing you know I can qualify for social security. I am in my mid-40s - there is just no way in Hell I could hold out longer. 15 years ago, I already went thru a horrible first marriage but a peaceful divorce (as best it can be - it is never easy). I know plenty of divorced Dads who stay close and supportive to their children and have fantastic relationships. I also know a few married Dads who are miserable and unhappy. What is the greater evil a toxic marriage or freedom and happiness for the parents. I am not so convinced any more about "Staying Together for the Kids" - especially if the Marriage is passionless/ sexless and the Parents have fallen out of love. |
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Post by lyn on Feb 20, 2017 15:05:20 GMT -5
Unless one partner is catatonic, there is NO reason for sex to be off the table completely.
But that's just me.
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Post by iceman on Feb 20, 2017 17:05:24 GMT -5
I have those thoughts all the time. My main conflict is children still at home and I'd like to stay until they are away. But it's getting harder and harder. Time is rushing by and I feel it constantly. Iceman - Yes I can totally relate. "Stay Together for Kids" - I might propose that to my W when the moment of truth comes and the "Talk" . . . BUT and it is a big monster but - in my case youngest child is 5 and it would be over a decade and they still need support in College / University etc. It never ends basically the duty of being a parent. So how long could I wait. Meanwhile, I am getting older and greyer and next thing you know I can qualify for social security. I am in my mid-40s - there is just no way in Hell I could hold out longer. 15 years ago, I already went thru a horrible first marriage but a peaceful divorce (as best it can be - it is never easy). I know plenty of divorced Dads who stay close and supportive to their children and have fantastic relationships. I also know a few married Dads who are miserable and unhappy. What is the greater evil a toxic marriage or freedom and happiness for the parents. I am not so convinced any more about "Staying Together for the Kids" - especially if the Marriage is passionless/ sexless and the Parents have fallen out of love. I hear you. If I were in shoes with a 5 yo there would be no way I could hold off for 15 years. I have 3 years until my youngest will be off to college. Even that seems like an eternity. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2017 20:46:38 GMT -5
'not being able' is most likely a lie. It sounds better than 'not willing'. most medical issues don't make all forms of intimacy impossible. THIS. Is there any reason why the LL partner cannot use hands or mouth to be sexual with HL partner? |
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Post by snowman12345 on Feb 20, 2017 22:03:56 GMT -5
'not being able' is most likely a lie. It sounds better than 'not willing'. most medical issues don't make all forms of intimacy impossible. THIS. Is there any reason why the LL partner cannot use hands or mouth to be sexual with HL partner? Tell me more about using hands and mouth to be sexual... I mean it's just such an interesting topic!! |
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Post by lwoetin on Feb 20, 2017 23:54:04 GMT -5
'not being able' is most likely a lie. It sounds better than 'not willing'. most medical issues don't make all forms of intimacy impossible. THIS. Is there any reason why the LL partner cannot use hands or mouth to be sexual with HL partner? yes, reason is she doesn't want to or has no desire to. It is a valid choice. It would be wrong to force her to perform such acts. On the other hand, a reason that an LL partner will have sex is because she wants to make a struggling marriage work and have sex willingly. This may lead to having fulfilling sex (by using hands, mouth, etc). This is a valid choice as well. Or she could use her hands and mouth to rip HL's nuts off in divorce, I suppose. The outcome depends on the effort of both partners and their compatibility. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 22, 2017 13:23:21 GMT -5
THIS. Is there any reason why the LL partner cannot use hands or mouth to be sexual with HL partner? yes, reason is she doesn't want to or has no desire to. It is a valid choice. It would be wrong to force her to perform such acts. In that situation, I think outsourcing or leaving the LL partner would be a valid choice for the HL partner. If the HL partner has suggested every possible option, and the only one the LL partner will go along with is total celibacy while still attached - the LL partner is being selfish. |
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Post by lwoetin on Feb 22, 2017 14:28:16 GMT -5
yes, reason is she doesn't want to or has no desire to. It is a valid choice. It would be wrong to force her to perform such acts. In that situation, I think outsourcing or leaving the LL partner would be a valid choice for the HL partner. If the HL partner has suggested every possible option, and the only one the LL partner will go along with is total celibacy while still attached - the LL partner is being selfish. yes, those were the options I pursued last year. But I don't totally put the blame on her. I've lived with her for 23yrs. The fact that she didn't want nor desire sex with me says something about me too. Is LL selfish or is HL not doing enough to make her desire him? |
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Post by shamwow on Feb 22, 2017 20:03:44 GMT -5
Unless one partner is catatonic, there is NO reason for sex to be off the table completely. But that's just me. The only reason I can think of for sex to be off the table is if it is better on the floor |
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Post by lyn on Feb 23, 2017 0:14:50 GMT -5
Unless one partner is catatonic, there is NO reason for sex to be off the table completely. But that's just me. The only reason I can think of for sex to be off the table is if it is better on the floor You should put that on a t-shirt and sell it! |
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Post by shamwow on Feb 23, 2017 1:41:08 GMT -5
The only reason I can think of for sex to be off the table is if it is better on the floor You should put that on a t-shirt and sell it! Ha! It is actually Sam's law #27: Never kick a woman out of bed.. Unless she is better on the floor. |
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Seems you flipped a switch and you are full of confidence and courage lately. That's a good thing. 
