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Post by Deleted on Feb 16, 2017 18:05:46 GMT -5
A poster in a sexless marriage has stated that because of medical issues, he/she will not ever be able to have sex again. This poster has said that he/she would like the other spouse to be fulfilled, but is not able to engage in any sexual activity. The poster is sad about this, but wants to preserve the marriage.
So what kind of Solutions could possibly work for them? And what would be the possible advantages/disadvantages? I will refer to them as HL and LL for high libido & low libido.
Of course, there is the option of finding someone else to have sex with who only wanted a physical relationship.
Adv - The HL would have sex, and would stop asking the LL for sex.
Disadv - The LL may feel betrayed and abandoned, and feel like a failure. The HL could develop close feelings for the OP, threatening the marriage.
That was just the first one I thought of. Any others?
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Post by rejected101 on Feb 16, 2017 18:28:22 GMT -5
A poster in a sexless marriage has stated that because of medical issues, he/she will not ever be able to have sex again. This poster has said that he/she would like the other spouse to be fulfilled, but is not able to engage in any sexual activity. The poster is sad about this, but wants to preserve the marriage. So what kind of Solutions could possibly work for them? And what would be the possible advantages/disadvantages? I will refer to them as HL and LL for high libido & low libido. Of course, there is the option of finding someone else to have sex with who only wanted a physical relationship. Adv - The HL would have sex, and would stop asking the LL for sex. Disadv - The LL may feel betrayed and abandoned, and feel like a failure. The HL could develop close feelings for the OP, threatening the marriage. That was just the first one I thought of. Any others? About time the LL felt what is like to feel betrayed, abandoned and like a failure isn't it? That's the life the refused lives. |
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Post by rejected101 on Feb 16, 2017 18:38:30 GMT -5
Advantages- you no longer have to taste the bitter tast that is rejection and feeling undesirable, lonely, unwanted and so on. Your partner has to now potentially take that on. Hooray for you 👍
Disadvantages- you no longer have to taste the bitter tast that is rejection and feeling undesirable, lonely, unwanted and so on. Your partner has to now potentially take that on. You may have just crushed someone you love.
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Post by snowman12345 on Feb 16, 2017 18:44:20 GMT -5
Buy a goat.
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Post by unmatched on Feb 16, 2017 18:50:59 GMT -5
I am confused. Is this a medical issue or a libido one? And if it is a medical issue, aside from paralysis what would stop them from ever engaging in any sexual activity at all?
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Post by mrslowmaintenance on Feb 16, 2017 18:51:10 GMT -5
If LL cannot have sex because of medical reason but still wants to participate in the sexual activity they could find a third party to "join" them. As in HL has sex with third wheel while LL watches and/or participates.
Advantage: LL and HL can still connect through the activity while LL can somewhat monitor who is participating and how emotionally involved they get
Disadvantage: if LL is a jealous type, they may not be open to watching their partner get pleasure from another party- creating more issues.
The big thing here is that LL cannot perform the act of sex but still wants to be a part of it... Which I assume is what you meant by medically unable to have sex (which obviously does not always mean they don't want to be sexual)
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Post by bballgirl on Feb 16, 2017 18:52:58 GMT -5
If I were married to a man and I could not have sex because of medical reasons and I had no desire for it either then I would be comfortable with an open marriage where he gets his needs met outside of the marriage.
I would not say it in a way to come off as a flippant get it somewhere else.
Here's the thing, my spouse would know why I can't and that I wanted to.
That's the difference I wouldn't be a refuser because I medically couldn't and my spouse would be given a reason NOT an excuse, lie, or manipulation to avoid sex.
That's the difference!
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Post by bballgirl on Feb 16, 2017 18:55:12 GMT -5
Greatest Of All Time Lover?  |
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Post by snowman12345 on Feb 16, 2017 18:59:25 GMT -5
Greatest Of All Time Lover? Well, they're always horny at least.  |
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Post by worksforme2 on Feb 16, 2017 19:55:19 GMT -5
Greatest Of All Time Lover? Well, they're always horny at least. No room for a goat plus there is a provision in the neighborhood covenants against nuisance animals, the neighbors being the ones to decide what constitutes a nuisance. How about a horned frog instead? |
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Post by snowman12345 on Feb 16, 2017 20:39:56 GMT -5
Well, they're always horny at least. No room for a goat plus there is a provision in the neighborhood covenants against nuisance animals, the neighbors being the ones to decide what constitutes a nuisance. How about a horned frog instead? If that's your preference. |
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Post by baza on Feb 17, 2017 1:24:39 GMT -5
Well unless your dick has been lopped off or your twat has healed over I would dispute that sex is "impossible".
But, as we are talking hypothetically, here are the options for the spouse who still wants (and is capable of) a root.
#1 - repress your desires and accept that this course of action is going to make you miserable.
#2 - outsource and accept that this course of action might make your spouse unhappy.
#3 - divorce and accept the fact that neither of you are going to be real happy short term - but longer term there is no real reason why you BOTH might be happier than you presently are.
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Post by tamara68 on Feb 17, 2017 5:52:17 GMT -5
'not being able' is most likely a lie. It sounds better than 'not willing'.
most medical issues don't make all forms of intimacy impossible.
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Post by snowman12345 on Feb 17, 2017 5:56:21 GMT -5
Well unless your dick has been lopped off or your twat has healed over I would dispute that sex is "impossible". But, as we are talking hypothetically, here are the options for the spouse who still wants (and is capable of) a root. #1 - repress your desires and accept that this course of action is going to make you miserable. #2 - outsource and accept that this course of action might make your spouse unhappy. #3 - divorce and accept the fact that neither of you are going to be real happy short term - but longer term there is no real reason why you BOTH might be happier than you presently are.  |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2017 8:29:43 GMT -5
'not being able' is most likely a lie. It sounds better than 'not willing'. most medical issues don't make all forms of intimacy impossible. That's exactly what I think. I work with the disabled and aging - even THEY want sex with their partners. There are many, many ways to adapt it - yes, even when the 'equipment' doesn't work at all, as in paraplegics. If your partner truly wants a sexual relationship and you make the unilateral decision that you're not going to meet that need? I have to question the relationship altogether. In that situation, if I were LL and didn't want HL to seek sexual expression outside the marriage, I'd find a way to meet that need creatively. We'd come to a compromise. Isn't that what marriage is? Meeting each other's needs with love and compromise? I'd guess there's more to the story than that though. Some power dynamic or latent resentment on the part of LL (or HL). Possibly HL has already found a way to get sexual needs met and is just keeping quiet about it. |
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