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Post by worksforme2 on Jan 13, 2017 8:32:26 GMT -5
When you have sex, who initiates it and is he in to it? I try and initiate it and after a few weeks, suddenly he's in the mood and practically pounces on me. It makes me feel worse after that because then I know it's gonna be awhile before it happens again. "He pounces on you" - what I'm wondering is if the times you do have sex is he a giving lover? Are you having 2 or 3 orgasms to his one? Is it one and done or two or three rounds? I'm all about quantity but if the quality isn't there than there are bigger issues, especially at this stage early in the marriage. Plus the fact that after you aren't elated and happy because my gut is telling me that he resets you each time you initiate and he just wants to get it over with. [/quote] He's somewhat giving. Like, he does oral but he loves that anyway. And all together it never lasts more than 10 mins anymore either[/quote] 10 minutes.!!...Are you kidding me?....This sounds like a selfish male only interested in satisfying himself. 10 minutes isn't even time to really engage in foreplay and building up to the big ahhhhh......Maybe my experience is the exception(I doubt it though) but from start to finish the actual act of copulation consumes anywhere from 40 minutes up... |
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 13, 2017 8:45:55 GMT -5
shamwow said "the ladies in the forum may disagree with this one, but have you tried watching porn together? It obviously gets him in the mood. Of course, there is the possibility that he isn't thinking of you and is thinking of the porn star, but in all honesty, he may be ..." I tried even this torwards the end of my marriage. H and I were sitting alone in the family room watching tv. I turned to him and very as a matter of fact said, "You want to watch porn together?" He didn't answer but looked at me like I had 3 heads. I giggled and we continued staring at the tv. What I've learned is if a man wants to have sex with you then he will make the effort to do so, the men on this forum have taught me the way a normal man's mind works in regards to sex (I was VERY naive for many years) so now I know what I want and one day I will have that. It's worth a try. My ex and I had a very good sex life (our divorce had nothing to do with sex) and we watched porn together. It greatly enhanced our sex life. Of course it helped that she was into porn and would become incredibly turned on watching it. Nothing turns me on like a women who is also turned on. If you're not into porn or find it unappealing it may not work. I would not have liked watching porn with my ex if she didn't also like it. My current wife doesn't like porn. We attempted to watch porn together many years ago and it didn't work. She tried but it was obvious it was doing nothing for her. I do like it on occasion for a little variety. Ex likes it too just not with me. So now at least we don't have to tolerate each other anymore. But yes it was worth a shot. |
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 13, 2017 8:50:43 GMT -5
This is a positive thing but his actions have yet to be proven by his words. He said he wanted to have sex the past 3 nights - I'm calling bullshit. Ultimately that's the issue here - what's stopping him? Knowing what I know now - I would straight up ask him if he prefers to get off by himself with porn instead of a real life woman? He'll probably lie but at least he'll know you are on to him. If it is the case then he needs to reprogram his mind. The blood test is a step in the right direction too. I asked him why he's watching porn instead of just coming to me and he said he didn't understand what I meant. I said I'm right here, if you think about sex I'm always ready. I don't care if it's the middle of the day and you decide to come home for your lunch break. He didn't even notice he wasn't being affectionate I told him I'm worse than the kids when it comes to needing attention and he needs to fix it. He looked genuinely upset with himself when I told him he is the cause of my depression. That's when he apologized for "being so shitty" that all he wants is for me to be happy. Well ball is in his court. I would let him know that him wanting you to be happy is not enough. He needs to make you happy and maintain your happiness with lots of orgasms, attention, kisses and affection. You are on the right track and being proactive about this so good for you for not being naive or complacent. |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jan 13, 2017 9:27:24 GMT -5
If he doesn't make the appt, I don't know what I'll do. I don't know if I should go with him to it or not. He's a grown up. You shouldn't have to micromanage him into going. The harsh fact is, if he doesn't go it's because he thinks you are daft enough to stick around anyway. Because you always have. That's not a dig at you, I've been the same way a long time. They know this and manipulate it. Now I know he has to be responsible for himself. It's not my job. X |
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 13, 2017 9:43:21 GMT -5
If he doesn't make the appt, I don't know what I'll do. I don't know if I should go with him to it or not. He's a grown up. You shouldn't have to micromanage him into going. The harsh fact is, if he doesn't go it's because he thinks you are daft enough to stick around anyway. Because you always have. That's not a dig at you, I've been the same way a long time. They know this and manipulate it. Now I know he has to be responsible for himself. It's not my job. X Exactly!! My ex took it for granted that I would never leave. A very foolish man on the one hand but I can see why he was playing the odds. We made it to 23 years, he was happy enough and didn't care to know how miserable I was. He was too wrapped up in himself and his own interests. So the day I said that I'm getting a divorce he was in literal shock and I can understand why. You get to a point in marriage and you just think life will always be this way, this is status quo until I die (that was his frame of mind). He thought it was going to be just another Talk but it was too little too late. The restaurant that I announced the divorce has gone out of business. They are opening a Wahlberger's this year and I'm looking forward to being there Opening Day to meet Donnie and/or Mark! |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jan 13, 2017 11:30:20 GMT -5
bballgirl can I come too? You can pick which one you want, either (or both;) ) will do for me he he. X
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 13, 2017 11:34:23 GMT -5
bballgirl can I come too? You can pick which one you want, either (or both;) ) will do for me he he. X I want both! Said very seriously but I'll share! 3some and brothers - 2 check marks on the bucket list! |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jan 13, 2017 11:39:05 GMT -5
bballgirl can I come too? You can pick which one you want, either (or both;) ) will do for me he he. X I want both! Said very seriously but I'll share! 3some and brothers - 2 check marks on the bucket list! Get innnnn 👍👍 i honestly don't mind going second either BB. They look good strong boys 💪 |
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 13, 2017 11:41:26 GMT -5
I want both! Said very seriously but I'll share! 3some and brothers - 2 check marks on the bucket list! Get innnnn 👍👍 i honestly don't mind going second either BB. They look good strong boys 💪 Honey we can just take turns with them! |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jan 13, 2017 11:50:53 GMT -5
Get innnnn 👍👍 i honestly don't mind going second either BB. They look good strong boys 💪 Honey we can just take turns with them! Poor lambs wouldn't know what had hit'em. He he he. Good plot! |
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 13, 2017 12:03:51 GMT -5
Honey we can just take turns with them! Poor lambs wouldn't know what had hit'em. He he he. Good plot! At some point I envision them tied up to the headboard next to each other lol |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jan 13, 2017 12:07:20 GMT -5
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Post by shamwow on Jan 13, 2017 13:24:45 GMT -5
Just keep that anti-vaxxer wife Pamela away. Easy on the eyes in the 90's but dumb as a stump.
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Post by McRoomMate on Jan 13, 2017 21:58:49 GMT -5
Your husband is taking you for granted I hope and that might be fixable . . . I would not rule out that he is cheating on you - in the least with Porn (if that is cheating?) or worse.
It sounds like you still really love him - so it is worth trying to fix.
Also, I have gone thru a Divorce and it has been about 10 years of a sexless Marriage - so I went out and cheated - but then my mistress and I are now MADLY in love with each other. I was trying to just fulfill lust and a little intimacy but now it is totally out of control and we are both overwhelmed with passionate love for each other (like Soul Mate - I cannot live without you - crazy love).
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Post by baza on Jan 14, 2017 0:53:10 GMT -5
If he doesn't make the appt, I don't know what I'll do. I don't know if I should go with him to it or not. Do you want some indication that he is taking this seriously ? Do you want some indication that he is committed to doing something ? If the answer to those two questions is "yes", then I would counsel you to do nothing about the appointment at this point. Leave it ENTIRELY to him, put no pressure on him about it at all. Then, you will see just how genuine he is about this particular issue, and in a wider context, just how committed he is to the marriage generally, and you specifically. The temptation to 'intervene' might be overwhelming for you of course, and you might choose to make the appointment for him, and accompany him to the appointment too, and wipe his arse if he has to go to the toilet as well. But under those circumstances you will NOT discover just what sort of effort he is prepared to put in of his own volition. What you might be doing is enabling him, by trying to take responsibility yourself for something that is clearly NOT *your* responsibility. That is NOT a good precedent to set. |
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