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Post by unmatched on Apr 25, 2016 15:54:15 GMT -5
@mountainrunner Thank you, that was a really good post and absolutely true.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 25, 2016 21:01:03 GMT -5
We were talking last night and she came out with, 'I don't know why you even want to go to counselling.' WTF!!! After all this time and everything we have been through you are telling me you don't know! I just said, 'because I want intimacy and passion and sex in my life' and she went very quiet and said Let's talk about it on Wednesday. Okay, this is the second time you've posted something that made me instinctively think, "she's afraid." This post and also "Love and Change." I know that's probably not a huge light bulb moment for you - I'm sure you're aware that you are taking her world and shaking it. And I'm not saying that you shouldn't, because I absolutely think you need to. It's just that I've had such a strong, gut reaction to both these posts that she is deeply afraid. I read this after I read UnMatched's "Done" post. Gut is the word that first came to my mind as well. |
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Post by solodriver on Aug 16, 2016 21:53:44 GMT -5
I tried to get my wife to do counseling, but she said she was too busy. Showed what my feelings and pain meant to her.
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Post by cagedtiger on Aug 16, 2016 22:02:47 GMT -5
I tried to get my wife to do counseling, but she said she was too busy. Showed what my feelings and pain meant to her.
I asked my wife three times, including once before we were married, to go to counseling with me. It took me literally leaving to get her to consider going. She says now she'll do it because I asked. That's all. And I still don't know if I feel that she's fully onboard for the process yet. I hope that things to better for you, solodriver. Are you seeing an individual therapist yourself? That's helped me so very, very much. |
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Post by solodriver on Aug 16, 2016 22:22:06 GMT -5
I tried to get my wife to do counseling, but she said she was too busy. Showed what my feelings and pain meant to her.
I asked my wife three times, including once before we were married, to go to counseling with me. It took me literally leaving to get her to consider going. She says now she'll do it because I asked. That's all. And I still don't know if I feel that she's fully onboard for the process yet. I hope that things to better for you, solodriver . Are you seeing an individual therapist yourself? That's helped me so very, very much. Thanks caged tiger. No I haven't gone to counseling yet. I'm sure it would help. |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2016 22:31:43 GMT -5
Counseling didn't work for me and my STBX. He didn't want to be there and it showed - he never got below the very surface of anything. The stand-out moment for me was when the therapist (in an obvious attempt to get at why my husband wouldn't open up) asked him if there had ever been a traumatic event in his life when he was young. He looked thoughtful for a moment and then said no. My jaw hit the ground and I couldn't help from saying, "It wasn't traumatic when your grandfather blew his head off in the back yard when you were a little boy? Or two years later when your grandmother died in a fire that everyone suspects she set on purpose?" That was pretty much the moment when the therapist and I both knew we were wasting everyone's time. We went back a few more times, but it was pretty much over at that point. Nevertheless, I don't regret going - it was worth the attempt to save my marriage and it sure as heck clarified a few things for me. How many times did you go before it was clear it just wasn't going to happen? One |
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