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Post by angeleyes65 on Feb 20, 2021 9:18:04 GMT -5
Hi All So glad I found this place!! Brand new here but been reading through some of the posts and, wow, there are other men and women in a situation similiar to mine, although I probably fall outside the norm (to be explained later) Welcome, can't wait to hear your story. You will find a lot of support here no matter what your story is.
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Post by jerri on Feb 20, 2021 16:14:47 GMT -5
Welcome @brandon44 and catlover. The longer you stay, the more we all can relate to each story.😆
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Post by mirrororchid on Feb 22, 2021 5:47:54 GMT -5
... wow, there are other men and women in a situation similiar to mine... Rumor has it 20% of marriages are sexless. Everyone's real quiet about it, aren't they? Welcome.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 24, 2021 20:59:43 GMT -5
I joined this board and immediately thought to myself, "do I really have read all 57 pages of introductions?"
Short answer: no.
I'm Rosie, married 25 years, live in the US Midwest.
Things skewed about eight to ten years ago. Unlike Back to the Future Part Deux, it's difficult to tell when exactly it went wrong. The love is there, but not the physical side.
There. That's the Cliff's Notes version. Stay tuned for the full 752 page story of how Moby isn't getting dick.
Speaking of dick, none in my DMs, please.
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Post by worksforme2 on Feb 25, 2021 8:01:10 GMT -5
Welcome to the forum rosie.....You don't have to worry too much about getting a bunch of d*ck pictures here. What you will get is the straight skinny on people like yourself who have found themselves in a SM and what they did or didn't do. Generally speaking this is a pretty judgement free zone. You have done some reading and hopefully found something(s) use full. We look forward to hearing your story and thoughts. But if it is 752 pages it might be a while before you get any feed back.
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Post by angeleyes65 on Feb 25, 2021 8:15:41 GMT -5
@rosie welcome to the club!
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Post by deadzone75 on Feb 25, 2021 9:29:32 GMT -5
I joined this board and immediately thought to myself, "do I really have read all 57 pages of introductions?" Short answer: no. I'm Rosie, married 25 years, live in the US Midwest. Things skewed about eight to ten years ago. Unlike Back to the Future Part Deux, it's difficult to tell when exactly it went wrong. The love is there, but not the physical side. There. That's the Cliff's Notes version. Stay tuned for the full 752 page story of how Moby isn't getting dick. Speaking of dick, none in my DMs, please. I'll confess and get it out of the way right now...Back to the Future part Deux is my favorite of the trilogy. I know...but it is.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 25, 2021 11:46:47 GMT -5
deadzone75 it's the most complex of the trilogy. Three generations of McFlys and Tannens in one movie. Still waiting for the flying cars.
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Post by gladifoundthisforum on Feb 25, 2021 13:06:21 GMT -5
I joined this board and immediately thought to myself, "do I really have read all 57 pages of introductions?" Short answer: no. I'm Rosie, married 25 years, live in the US Midwest. Things skewed about eight to ten years ago. Unlike Back to the Future Part Deux, it's difficult to tell when exactly it went wrong. The love is there, but not the physical side. There. That's the Cliff's Notes version. Stay tuned for the full 752 page story of how Moby isn't getting dick. Speaking of dick, none in my DMs, please. Hello Rosie, Don't worry about a very long or involved posting.. (I'm guilty of that myself) Just 'welcome'....
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Post by petrushka on Feb 25, 2021 20:28:36 GMT -5
I joined this board and immediately thought to myself, "do I really have read all 57 pages of introductions?" Short answer: no. I'm Rosie, married 25 years, live in the US Midwest. Things skewed about eight to ten years ago. Unlike Back to the Future Part Deux, it's difficult to tell when exactly it went wrong. The love is there, but not the physical side. There. That's the Cliff's Notes version. Stay tuned for the full 752 page story of how Moby isn't getting dick. Speaking of dick, none in my DMs, please.
Don't you think that's a little unfair to the Richards of this world?
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Post by seashells on Mar 2, 2021 16:47:05 GMT -5
Hello. New here. Been lurking on this forum (and Reddit dead bedrooms) for a loooong time.
Together 15+ years. Sex has never been satisfying to me. Not enough of it, not passionate enough, he won't do oral (which I crave).
Was young and naive when we got married. Stupidly thought it would sort itself out. Now I'm at my wits end.
Tried couples counselling. Have had The Talk many times. He knows how hurt I am by his constant rejection, how much I need intimacy and sex. Nothing changes.
Its the the usual excuses - too tired, too stressed, whatever. But since we had our kid husband says it's my anger that's turning him off. And the truth is I am angry - all the damn time - because I'm frustrated and horny and hurting and sad. And my husband has a point - my anger can sometimes make our home a toxic place. I know I'm not being the best mum to my kid because I'm so unhappy in my marriage. I worry about how all of this is affecting our child.
I focus on me and my hobbies, and I'm ok for a few weeks or months. And then I get triggered (by a movie sex scene, or hormones, or plain old horniness!) and everything bubbles up. I get angry and resentful and sad that I feel I can't talk openly to him about it (he usually sits mute, and then walks away, whenever I sit crying to him about our non-existent sex life). I feel unheard, misunderstood, unloved.
Had sex once in the last 4 years; that one time was over a year ago. He never initiates. I've stopped bothering because I can't face the rejection anymore. I'm desperate for sex and passion, but can not find the courage to initiate.
We hug a lot. Laugh a lot. Are great friends. But that's not enough for me. I stay because of the kid, usual story. But what about me and my needs?! I'm so lonely.
I want him but I'm also completely terrified of sex with him. Explain that one to me!?
Anyway, there's my story.
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Post by mirrororchid on Mar 2, 2021 20:42:35 GMT -5
Hello. New here. Been lurking on this forum (and Reddit dead bedrooms) for a loooong time. Together 15+ years. Sex has never been satisfying to me. Not enough of it, not passionate enough, he won't do oral (which I crave). Was young and naive when we got married. Stupidly thought it would sort itself out. Now I'm at my wits end. Tried couples counselling. Have had The Talk many times. He knows how hurt I am by his constant rejection, how much I need intimacy and sex. Nothing changes. Its the the usual excuses - too tired, too stressed, whatever. But since we had our kid husband says it's my anger that's turning him off. And the truth is I am angry - all the damn time - because I'm frustrated and horny and hurting and sad. And my husband has a point - my anger can sometimes make our home a toxic place. I know I'm not being the best mum to my kid because I'm so unhappy in my marriage. I worry about how all of this is affecting our child. I focus on me and my hobbies, and I'm ok for a few weeks or months. And then I get triggered (by a movie sex scene, or hormones, or plain old horniness!) and everything bubbles up. I get angry and resentful and sad that I feel I can't talk openly to him about it (he usually sits mute, and then walks away, whenever I sit crying to him about our non-existent sex life). I feel unheard, misunderstood, unloved. Had sex once in the last 4 years; that one time was over a year ago. He never initiates. I've stopped bothering because I can't face the rejection anymore. I'm desperate for sex and passion, but can not find the courage to initiate. We hug a lot. Laugh a lot. Are great friends. But that's not enough for me. I stay because of the kid, usual story. But what about me and my needs?! I'm so lonely. I want him but I'm also completely terrified of sex with him. Explain that one to me!? Anyway, there's my story. When my wife was giving in once every season (a relative orgy compared with some here, I know.) I'd eagerly, joyously take part. Each time trying to make it magnificent so the next might not take so long to show up. Nope. Didn't work that way. It got so every joyous uniting of bodies had a thread of dread sewn through it that it would be followed by a long, aching wait. Every blissful session's afterglow tainted by the knowledge that there'd be no passion again for months to come. It was so wrong and so unfair. It was abnormal and I was wrong for wanting something ordinary people don't think twice about. I wasn't terrified of sex, but dreading its irresistible allure? Maybe you can see that it's okay to want something that has a dark side? What scares you m'lady?
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Post by sadkat on Mar 2, 2021 23:19:58 GMT -5
Hello. New here. Been lurking on this forum (and Reddit dead bedrooms) for a loooong time. Together 15+ years. Sex has never been satisfying to me. Not enough of it, not passionate enough, he won't do oral (which I crave). Was young and naive when we got married. Stupidly thought it would sort itself out. Now I'm at my wits end. Tried couples counselling. Have had The Talk many times. He knows how hurt I am by his constant rejection, how much I need intimacy and sex. Nothing changes. Its the the usual excuses - too tired, too stressed, whatever. But since we had our kid husband says it's my anger that's turning him off. And the truth is I am angry - all the damn time - because I'm frustrated and horny and hurting and sad. And my husband has a point - my anger can sometimes make our home a toxic place. I know I'm not being the best mum to my kid because I'm so unhappy in my marriage. I worry about how all of this is affecting our child. I focus on me and my hobbies, and I'm ok for a few weeks or months. And then I get triggered (by a movie sex scene, or hormones, or plain old horniness!) and everything bubbles up. I get angry and resentful and sad that I feel I can't talk openly to him about it (he usually sits mute, and then walks away, whenever I sit crying to him about our non-existent sex life). I feel unheard, misunderstood, unloved. Had sex once in the last 4 years; that one time was over a year ago. He never initiates. I've stopped bothering because I can't face the rejection anymore. I'm desperate for sex and passion, but can not find the courage to initiate. We hug a lot. Laugh a lot. Are great friends. But that's not enough for me. I stay because of the kid, usual story. But what about me and my needs?! I'm so lonely. I want him but I'm also completely terrified of sex with him. Explain that one to me!? Anyway, there's my story. Dear seashells- I’m sorry you are in this situation. I understand completely how you feel. I too was angry and felt unloved. Distracted myself with raising my child and doing my job. I kept the anger inside, though. It affected my health and changed who I was as a person. It never got any better, it just got worse. After 26 years of marriage, I realized I was slowly killing myself. I got out 18 months ago. My ex and I are friends now - nothing really changed. We weren’t having sex then and we’re not having sex now (at least not with each other). Things are much better, although itme has a point- it’s scary not knowing what my future holds.
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Post by seashells on Mar 4, 2021 5:09:07 GMT -5
Thank you mirrororchid, itme and sadkat for your support and understanding. You’ve given me food for thought. I think the being terrified of sex with him comes down to my not wanting to have sex with someone who’s not really that keen. It feels icky and wrong. I feel I shouldn’t have to jump through hoops to convince my own husband to toss me a bone (pun intended!) Surely when two people are in love the desire for each other is just THERE. I get that everyday stresses in life can get in the way at times, but I don’t think I’m wrong to expect that passion and desire *should* be an offshoot of loving one another. Maybe I’m just naive and a hopeless romantic. Maybe the passion I crave only happens in the movies. Maybe. But what I do know for sure - my husband has proven through his actions (or inaction!), throughout the entirety of our relationship, that he rarely desires sex with me. The question is - how long can I continue living like this? I deserve better.
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Post by mirrororchid on Mar 4, 2021 6:47:56 GMT -5
Thank you mirrororchid , itme and sadkat for your support and understanding. You’ve given me food for thought. I think the being terrified of sex with him comes down to my not wanting to have sex with someone who’s not really that keen. It feels icky and wrong. I feel I shouldn’t have to jump through hoops to convince my own husband to toss me a bone (pun intended!) Surely when two people are in love the desire for each other is just THERE. I get that everyday stresses in life can get in the way at times, but I don’t think I’m wrong to expect that passion and desire *should* be an offshoot of loving one another. Maybe I’m just naive and a hopeless romantic. Maybe the passion I crave only happens in the movies. Maybe. But what I do know for sure - my husband has proven through his actions (or inaction!), throughout the entirety of our relationship, that he rarely desires sex with me. The question is - how long can I continue living like this? I deserve better. Since you sound as though you're on "The College Plan" (staying for the kid), you may want to look at jerri 's marriage as a possible model. Several ILIASM wives have found their interest wanes due to the lack of being desired. The husbands will often, even usually, turn down pity sex too. How naive is expecting enthusiastic passion? You can check out the stories of "Oppositeland" that abound when ILIASM members have checked in after they left their refusers. Granted, maybe time will change all that, but the libidos are supposed to simmer down at roughly the same time with roughly the same amount. That's the fairy tale. Given the advent of birth control, I'm unsure why society hasn't shifted to teh idea that it's okay to adopt the "dessert first" form of relationships. A conscious decision to date someone for 2-5 years and switch partners when you're gotten everything from it you hoped for. 2 if you need the raw physical lustful attraction the whole time. 5 if you want to know this person's inner soul thoroughly, but the lifelong companion part isn't a selling point. Maybe there's money in a romcom about a glorious relationship with a blissful, amiable, loving parting that's planned in advance? Every movie makes it sound like any relationship ending in anything but a coffin is a waste of time. Many relationships that end with a coffin would get one star reviews. "Bummed me out." --Roger Ebert "I might have liked it if I missed a good part when I fell asleep." --Gene Siskel. "I could watch this every night. In fact, I usually do, and no return fees!" --Rolling Stone
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