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Post by isthisit on Dec 14, 2020 17:28:27 GMT -5
You're very right about the sanity check! And it seems I am now in a 're-set'..... how long it lasts is anyone's guess.... oh I bet we can guess with alarming accuracy! There’s not one of us that hasn’t fallen for that at one time or another. You’re better informed this time though. Oh, and your GP can prescribe hormonal pessaries for the dryness. I believe they work a treat, don’t be shy get that sorted. We are fortunate to live in times where we don’t have to live with crap like that. Let’s celebrate that fact and indulge in what is available.
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Post by snowman12345 on Dec 14, 2020 20:00:12 GMT -5
I think the majority of us here like sex (heck what's not to like?) and have unwilling partners. There is a lot of good advise and bad examples (mostly me) here. Good luck with your journey and may you find peace. P.S. Listen to Baza, he is the Yoda of ILIASM. you found a way and there's nothing wrong with that. You are not giving away anything that she wants and you didn't toss her to the curb! You are a good example. A lot of people turn their heads because it serves them as well. You haven't been caught? Nope, going on 8 years now.
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Post by mirrororchid on Dec 14, 2020 21:28:31 GMT -5
You're very right about the sanity check! And it seems I am now in a 're-set'..... how long it lasts is anyone's guess.... At least you know it's a reset. Not likely to last. The odds are poor, but the longevity can vary. A lot of them last less than a month, my wife and I had one going for 11 months. (COVID may have broken it... stay tuned.) I bring it up to counter the idea it's "hopeless", but it is smart to be objective, given the statistics around here. Hope is a tool of procrastination for action a little too often.
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Post by jerri on Dec 15, 2020 0:52:21 GMT -5
you found a way and there's nothing wrong with that. You are not giving away anything that she wants and you didn't toss her to the curb! You are a good example. A lot of people turn their heads because it serves them as well. You haven't been caught? Nope, going on 8 years now. When I directly get caught, he will turn his head away, get silent and pretend like it didn't happen. I used to spend the night! I haven't done that during covid. Good for you! I am your cheerleader. If she does catch you, tell her I encouraged you! I also don't mind her writing me.
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Post by jerri on Dec 15, 2020 0:55:01 GMT -5
At least you know it's a reset. Not likely to last. The odds are poor, but the longevity can vary. A lot of them last less than a month, my wife and I had one going for 11 months. (COVID may have broken it... stay tuned.) I bring it up to counter the idea it's "hopeless", but it is smart to be objective, given the statistics around here. Hope is a tool of procrastination for action a little too often. Getting in the habit of doing it makes all the difference in the world. Great! Give us an update!😃
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Post by gladifoundthisforum on Dec 15, 2020 9:19:55 GMT -5
You're very right about the sanity check! And it seems I am now in a 're-set'..... how long it lasts is anyone's guess.... oh I bet we can guess with alarming accuracy! There’s not one of us that hasn’t fallen for that at one time or another. You’re better informed this time though. Oh, and your GP can prescribe hormonal pessaries for the dryness. I believe they work a treat, don’t be shy get that sorted. We are fortunate to live in times where we don’t have to live with crap like that. Let’s celebrate that fact and indulge in what is available. Thanks isthisit, I've made a (telephone) Dr's appointment for this afternoon!
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Post by isthisit on Dec 15, 2020 11:51:06 GMT -5
oh I bet we can guess with alarming accuracy! There’s not one of us that hasn’t fallen for that at one time or another. You’re better informed this time though. Oh, and your GP can prescribe hormonal pessaries for the dryness. I believe they work a treat, don’t be shy get that sorted. We are fortunate to live in times where we don’t have to live with crap like that. Let’s celebrate that fact and indulge in what is available. Thanks isthisit, I've made a (telephone) Dr's appointment for this afternoon! My pleasure. I’ve never assisted a lady with lubrication in the bedroom before.... 🤭 but there is a first time for everything 😉. Good luck with the appointment they will have heard that lots of times before.
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Post by jerri on Dec 24, 2020 3:30:01 GMT -5
Enjoy Your Holiday
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Post by loneranger on Dec 30, 2020 22:37:40 GMT -5
Hello, I am very grateful I found this forum. My husband and I have been married for 14 years and we only have sex a few times a year, only if I take the lead. The sex is sad, always the same, always in the dark. More often then not, when I initiate, I get rejected. When I try to talk about it, I am just told this is the way it is, and that I can leave if I don't like it. Clearly, I feel rejected and miserable and I often think I should get a divorce. I don't think talking more about this with my husband is going to change anything. Plus I hate the feeling of forcing him to have sex with him. This is something that should come naturally. So lately I've just given up, I feel we are growing apart, but I also feel that I am done fighting and that I've exhausted all the energy I had trying to change things. Things will not change. I don't want to live the rest of my life like this. Probably divorce is inevitable. Things are very complicated because we have two young children, and I think of the harm a divorce would do to them. On top of that, I am not from the US, I am in the US for my husband. Imagining myself divorced, with two kids, away from my country and my from family is just too hard because I will have no support. But I would probably have to remain in the US, even if divorced, or my kids would not be able to see their dad. Please don't get me wrong, the US has been good to me, it's just that I'm alone here and the natural thing for me to do would be to go where my support network is. I also think that my kids will hate me for divorcing their dad, when they get older, and the negative impact this might have on my kids' relationships. All these feelings are quite overwhelming and make me feel like in a Greek tragedy. No matter what I decide, someone will have to perish. If I stay in this wedding, I will perish. If I get a divorce, my family will perish and my children will resent me. In sum, this is my situation. I think I understand clearly that a divorce is the only way out. But the repercussions of a divorce seem too daunting, and I am afraid I might do more harm than good. Thank you for letting me vent. I feel that just writing things down has helped me clarify my ideas.
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Post by loneranger on Dec 30, 2020 22:41:22 GMT -5
Other than the part about being out of your home country and you are the wife, I could have written the exact same post. I often wish my wife had known/told me before we married and/or had children. It is so maddening because I feel just a bit of effort on her part would make a world of difference but sadly there is none. A cold blank wall of nothing. Hello, I am very grateful I found this forum. My husband and I have been married for 14 years and we only have sex a few times a year, only if I take the lead. The sex is sad, always the same, always in the dark. More often then not, when I initiate, I get rejected. When I try to talk about it, I am just told this is the way it is, and that I can leave if I don't like it. Clearly, I feel rejected and miserable and I often think I should get a divorce. I don't think talking more about this with my husband is going to change anything. Plus I hate the feeling of forcing him to have sex with him. This is something that should come naturally. So lately I've just given up, I feel we are growing apart, but I also feel that I am done fighting and that I've exhausted all the energy I had trying to change things. Things will not change. I don't want to live the rest of my life like this. Probably divorce is inevitable. Things are very complicated because we have two young children, and I think of the harm a divorce would do to them. On top of that, I am not from the US, I am in the US for my husband. Imagining myself divorced, with two kids, away from my country and my from family is just too hard because I will have no support. But I would probably have to remain in the US, even if divorced, or my kids would not be able to see their dad. Please don't get me wrong, the US has been good to me, it's just that I'm alone here and the natural thing for me to do would be to go where my support network is. I also think that my kids will hate me for divorcing their dad, when they get older, and the negative impact this might have on my kids' relationships. All these feelings are quite overwhelming and make me feel like in a Greek tragedy. No matter what I decide, someone will have to perish. If I stay in this wedding, I will perish. If I get a divorce, my family will perish and my children will resent me. In sum, this is my situation. I think I understand clearly that a divorce is the only way out. But the repercussions of a divorce seem too daunting, and I am afraid I might do more harm than good. Thank you for letting me vent. I feel that just writing things down has helped me clarify my ideas.
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Post by brandond44 on Feb 4, 2021 9:31:55 GMT -5
Hi, I am Brandon. I live in southern Kansas and just retired from the Military. I have been married for 24 years now and the last 10 have been with verry little sexual activity. It started off we would go months then it went to 2 a year and now i have gone over a year without any physical connection!! My wife has said for several years now that she thinks she is Asexual which i addmit i had to look up what it meant. I have been faithfull up to this point. I will admit i have signed up for every adult sex finder site there is but will not give my phone number or credit card info or pay for the service! I am struggling and don't want to hurt my kids or my wife but i can't help and ignore my feelings and needs anymore...Can I?? Thanm you for lisstening if anyone reads this and would like to chat please let me know i can listen as well!
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Post by angeleyes65 on Feb 4, 2021 9:45:14 GMT -5
Welcome to the club nobody wants to belong to. We are all have the same issue all caused be different things. My spouse was not asexual I did alert a friend of mine in here that is out of the situation. Not sure how often he's on here. I did do the AFF thing. Anyway if you need a ear there are a lot of people willing to listen including me. Feel free to message. And best of luck.
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Post by worksforme2 on Feb 4, 2021 11:27:43 GMT -5
Hi, I am Brandon. I live in southern Kansas and just retired from the Military. I have been married for 24 years now and the last 10 have been with verry little sexual activity. It started off we would go months then it went to 2 a year and now i have gone over a year without any physical connection!! My wife has said for several years now that she thinks she is Asexual which i addmit i had to look up what it meant. I have been faithfull up to this point. I will admit i have signed up for every adult sex finder site there is but will not give my phone number or credit card info or pay for the service! I am struggling and don't want to hurt my kids or my wife but i can't help and ignore my feelings and needs anymore...Can I?? Thanm you for lisstening if anyone reads this and would like to chat please let me know i can listen as well! Congrats brandon44. You got something from your spouse most of us spend yrs. looking for. A Reason for their sexless behavior. Welcome to the forum Right now is a particularly difficult time to be looking for a dating or FWB type relationship. Covid19 has really put a crimp on things. AFF is supposedly one of the better sites for married individuals seeking something outside their marriage. I don't recommend Ashley Madison unless you have something really unique to offer the ladies. If or when you feel like it post your story on the Sexless Marriage or Staying theme. You will get more feed back there.
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Post by catlover on Feb 19, 2021 20:42:24 GMT -5
Hi All
So glad I found this place!! Brand new here but been reading through some of the posts and, wow, there are other men and women in a situation similiar to mine, although I probably fall outside the norm (to be explained later)
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Post by worksforme2 on Feb 19, 2021 20:57:46 GMT -5
Welcome catlover..... you have already been lurking for a bit you have found some commonality with the membership. That's a good thing There's lots of mostly good stuff that might be of some help for you. Take what you need or what works for you. When you feel confident or ready feel free to post your story.
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