Post by greatcoastal on Dec 14, 2016 21:09:34 GMT -5
I need to know if I am the angriest, most sensitive man on the planet, or I have every right to feel ticked off, and how to handle it?
Tonight was my daughters Christmas chorus show at her school. My daughter did her best to invite both of us, separately, since we are still living together, but in the beginning of our divorce. I had planned on driving myself and sitting separately. Thinking, this is how it's going to be, better get used to it, and get started. My STBX made this very clear 3 months ago with our sons birthday. She decided last moment that we were not going to all go out together, and he was spending his birthday dinner with her. I figured she would be taking our daughter there and bringing her home. She plans these things with zero communication, and loves being in control.
My STBX was taken by surprise when she found out from my daughter,"Dad is going too, he bought a ticket," my STBX said to me, "are you driving separate, are we taking two cars?" I told her, "that's up to you, it's fine with me if we go together." ( you see I am not the one who is inflicting this stay detached at all costs syndrome). She agreed to ride together, this time.
Very little was different from the previous years. My STBX had invited our neighbor and there daughter, the two ladies talked the whole time. I would have been the same had I sat alone.
There was an Ice Cream social after the concert. I had already bought my ticket. My STBX had to do things her way. She figured she wasn't going to eat any ice cream, so she didn't need a ticket. WRONG! our daughter told her, "MOM you have to have a ticket or we can't get in". My STBX then realized she did not have a $5 bill. I opened my wallet, without hesitation, and tried to hand her a $5 bill. She refused it, and started talking to the neighbor about getting a ticket. I put my wallet away, and turned my back to the whole thing and decided to act like I was single again! Somehow she got a ticket and we all went in. Of course she ate plenty of ice cream, then had some cookies! Once again, my simple way of doing things was wrong. Had to be her way!
All the conversation in the car ,and afterwards was between me and my daughter. It helps remind me, that I CAN actually get along with people.
When we arrived home, there in the living room is a scrawny, Charlie Brown looking, new, artificial, 6ft. christmas tree.
I was ticked.
I take it not to many of you have an intruding relative living with you? This cuts deep into living with a manipulative controller. (and there family)
So many wild emotions! I had to stand in the closet and think it over!
This is my/our house.
I decide when the tree goes up, and where.
I bought a new tree last year. It's in a box, in the shed.
We have a big house with a big 16 ft cieling, a big open foyer and living room.
We have big decorations, for a big 12ft tree.
I had heard from my daughter that the boys wanted to put the tree up.
Nothing has even been said if we are going to celebrate Christmas, this year, or decorate.
Just because the neighbors decorate the day after Thanksgiving doesn't mean we have to.
My STBX keeps leaving me with no money to buy anything, and now there's a different tree in our house!
She will be spending money, buying gifts for the teens with our money. All supposed to be frozen by a court order.
I asked my son," where did the tree come from?" He said, "Grandpa had me take him to the store, he bought it."
The kids know that I no longer want to put the tree up by myself. After I complained three years ago about having to do all the work while my very able family all sat on there rear ends watching me do everything. My being the least bit forceful, and telling them to start helping and having to sarcastically "show them how to hang an ornament", was met with my STBX literally grabbing the boys and "shielding" them from there angry dad. And telling them how wrong I was and how she would make sure everything would be okay. I left the room, and felt like NEVER wanting to put up another Christmas anything in our house again. Maybe, do the outside, by myself, maybe.
Did my STBX know about this? Is this all FIL's doing?
Part of me wants to go in his room and say, "what the hell did you do?" who told you to go buy a tree? This is not your house, your family, your problem. You asked no one! You have been an intruder in this house for 9 yrs now! You just don't do whatever you please! We have a tree, take that thing back, I will decide what happens around here, you and your bitch of a daughter can do as you please next year, in your own place!
Now the other part of me says, "let it go, let it go, it's just a tree. Yes, you will have to look at it for the next 3 weeks. You will probably be the one who has to put it away. It's just an ornament. Be glad it's the last time. Things are going to be better in the future. Christmas means so much more to you, anyways than just ornaments and gifts. Don't ruin it again for everyone. Keep the peace, at any cost.
I know others have far worse problems than mine, i still get ticked off at times.
Tonight was my daughters Christmas chorus show at her school. My daughter did her best to invite both of us, separately, since we are still living together, but in the beginning of our divorce. I had planned on driving myself and sitting separately. Thinking, this is how it's going to be, better get used to it, and get started. My STBX made this very clear 3 months ago with our sons birthday. She decided last moment that we were not going to all go out together, and he was spending his birthday dinner with her. I figured she would be taking our daughter there and bringing her home. She plans these things with zero communication, and loves being in control.
My STBX was taken by surprise when she found out from my daughter,"Dad is going too, he bought a ticket," my STBX said to me, "are you driving separate, are we taking two cars?" I told her, "that's up to you, it's fine with me if we go together." ( you see I am not the one who is inflicting this stay detached at all costs syndrome). She agreed to ride together, this time.
Very little was different from the previous years. My STBX had invited our neighbor and there daughter, the two ladies talked the whole time. I would have been the same had I sat alone.
There was an Ice Cream social after the concert. I had already bought my ticket. My STBX had to do things her way. She figured she wasn't going to eat any ice cream, so she didn't need a ticket. WRONG! our daughter told her, "MOM you have to have a ticket or we can't get in". My STBX then realized she did not have a $5 bill. I opened my wallet, without hesitation, and tried to hand her a $5 bill. She refused it, and started talking to the neighbor about getting a ticket. I put my wallet away, and turned my back to the whole thing and decided to act like I was single again! Somehow she got a ticket and we all went in. Of course she ate plenty of ice cream, then had some cookies! Once again, my simple way of doing things was wrong. Had to be her way!
All the conversation in the car ,and afterwards was between me and my daughter. It helps remind me, that I CAN actually get along with people.
When we arrived home, there in the living room is a scrawny, Charlie Brown looking, new, artificial, 6ft. christmas tree.
I was ticked.
I take it not to many of you have an intruding relative living with you? This cuts deep into living with a manipulative controller. (and there family)
So many wild emotions! I had to stand in the closet and think it over!
This is my/our house.
I decide when the tree goes up, and where.
I bought a new tree last year. It's in a box, in the shed.
We have a big house with a big 16 ft cieling, a big open foyer and living room.
We have big decorations, for a big 12ft tree.
I had heard from my daughter that the boys wanted to put the tree up.
Nothing has even been said if we are going to celebrate Christmas, this year, or decorate.
Just because the neighbors decorate the day after Thanksgiving doesn't mean we have to.
My STBX keeps leaving me with no money to buy anything, and now there's a different tree in our house!
She will be spending money, buying gifts for the teens with our money. All supposed to be frozen by a court order.
I asked my son," where did the tree come from?" He said, "Grandpa had me take him to the store, he bought it."
The kids know that I no longer want to put the tree up by myself. After I complained three years ago about having to do all the work while my very able family all sat on there rear ends watching me do everything. My being the least bit forceful, and telling them to start helping and having to sarcastically "show them how to hang an ornament", was met with my STBX literally grabbing the boys and "shielding" them from there angry dad. And telling them how wrong I was and how she would make sure everything would be okay. I left the room, and felt like NEVER wanting to put up another Christmas anything in our house again. Maybe, do the outside, by myself, maybe.
Did my STBX know about this? Is this all FIL's doing?
Part of me wants to go in his room and say, "what the hell did you do?" who told you to go buy a tree? This is not your house, your family, your problem. You asked no one! You have been an intruder in this house for 9 yrs now! You just don't do whatever you please! We have a tree, take that thing back, I will decide what happens around here, you and your bitch of a daughter can do as you please next year, in your own place!
Now the other part of me says, "let it go, let it go, it's just a tree. Yes, you will have to look at it for the next 3 weeks. You will probably be the one who has to put it away. It's just an ornament. Be glad it's the last time. Things are going to be better in the future. Christmas means so much more to you, anyways than just ornaments and gifts. Don't ruin it again for everyone. Keep the peace, at any cost.
I know others have far worse problems than mine, i still get ticked off at times.
