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Post by JMX on Jan 23, 2017 1:12:26 GMT -5
Eye cream. Do you put it on? Does it smell weird? Does it smell to weird to get laid? Is it bad if you figure what is good for the eye is good for your emerging wrinkles around your mouth? If you don't do it though, future you will be mad.
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Post by thebaffledking on Feb 6, 2017 5:40:38 GMT -5
I may have already addressed this, or I may be thinking about lyn's thread on Hypocrisy.......but what really freaks me out is the inherent conflict in being civil with someone who you know you're about to nuke. I really hate this part of things. I just don't know what the alternative would be......
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Post by eternaloptimism on Feb 6, 2017 7:24:00 GMT -5
I may have already addressed this, or I may be thinking about lyn's thread on Hypocrisy.......but what really freaks me out is the inherent conflict in being civil with someone who you know you're about to nuke. I really hate this part of things. I just don't know what the alternative would be...... Feeling that too BK. It's not easy is it! X |
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Post by thebaffledking on Feb 6, 2017 7:53:52 GMT -5
I may have already addressed this, or I may be thinking about lyn's thread on Hypocrisy.......but what really freaks me out is the inherent conflict in being civil with someone who you know you're about to nuke. I really hate this part of things. I just don't know what the alternative would be...... Feeling that too BK. It's not easy is it! X I guess I was raised right. Acting in this manner is almost always deceitful and slick. But leading up to The Final Word, it's what we have to do. It's just part and parcel of a really shitty situation. The upside is that it makes finally unloading the entire burden all the more amazing, I'm sure. FUCK THE BURDEN!  |
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 6, 2017 8:20:03 GMT -5
I may have already addressed this, or I may be thinking about lyn's thread on Hypocrisy.......but what really freaks me out is the inherent conflict in being civil with someone who you know you're about to nuke. I really hate this part of things. I just don't know what the alternative would be...... Here's a new article on shrink4men, see if any of it is helpful for you. shrink4men.com/2017/01/25/healing-from-narcissistic-abuse-stages-of-grief-rumination/ |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Feb 7, 2017 0:18:29 GMT -5
Feeling that too BK. It's not easy is it! X I guess I was raised right. Acting in this manner is almost always deceitful and slick. But leading up to The Final Word, it's what we have to do. It's just part and parcel of a really shitty situation. The upside is that it makes finally unloading the entire burden all the more amazing, I'm sure. FUCK THE BURDEN! Yeah.. f the burden xx |
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Post by DryCreek on Feb 7, 2017 9:15:30 GMT -5
Retirement planning.
It requires seriously considering life 20-30 years into the future. Beyond intimacy issues, we have very different ideas of what retirement should be.
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lostheart
Junior Member
Posts: 22 
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by lostheart on Mar 3, 2017 3:51:39 GMT -5
Almost daily patting on the butt, hips, thighs with a smile that says "come on don't you appreciate me". Sometimes added by a comment like " but isn't it good that I find you attractive?" Sometimes he kind of strikes me kind of with his fingertips, extremely cautious.
In the past I sometimes touched him back but when it should have intensed his answer was always something like: He had this or that to do or yes he would like more but at the moment he couldn't get aroused ...
So I learnt nothing follows out of this...
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Post by randy53 on Mar 4, 2017 17:08:28 GMT -5
I have been reminded, during recent holiday visits by my 26 and 20 year olds, of one method of control and selfishness my wife uses.......when we are walking around, sight-seeing, whatever, she is either way up front, like 15-20 steady feet ahead of me with the kid(s), OR, if I catch up to walk with them, she will slow her pace and drop back, yes, with the kid(s). It's probably been ten years since we walked as a single unit. This is what she does and it FREAKS ME OUT! Oh well, this is the last time it will ever happen, so it's all good. I just try to enjoy myself, take photos, people-watch. I'll have my time with my kids once I get out of this control-freak-shitty-ass (or CFSA for short) dynamic. Fuck yes! Are all refusers control freaks? Lord knows mine is. |
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Post by baza on Mar 4, 2017 17:31:40 GMT -5
Refusers come in several varieties, and overt (deliberate) controlling is one of the variants.
There are also "natural" refusers (ie it is instinctive to them).
There are "nice" refusers (ie they refuse in plausible non aggressive fashion)
There are "justified" refusers (ie their spouse is a complete dick)
There are "damaged" refusers (ie physically / mentally incapable of engagement)
Whatever the "why", the damage to you, the refused spouse, is the same.
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Post by leifericson on Mar 5, 2017 17:56:41 GMT -5
Almost daily patting on the butt, hips, thighs with a smile that says "come on don't you appreciate me". Sometimes added by a comment like " but isn't it good that I find you attractive?" Sometimes he kind of strikes me kind of with his fingertips, extremely cautious. In the past I sometimes touched him back but when it should have intensed his answer was always something like: He had this or that to do or yes he would like more but at the moment he couldn't get aroused ... So I learnt nothing follows out of this... How do you not lose your temper? |
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Post by WindSister on Mar 6, 2017 15:08:13 GMT -5
Late to the thread - answering original question. The one thing that freaked me out about my SM is that I attracted it into my life. I had to change ME to attract something better. And I did. |
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Post by Apocrypha on Mar 7, 2017 13:31:13 GMT -5
Her eventual affair drove me quite mad, I think, for a few months. That would be number one.
During the "reconciliation", it was that she recharacterized her own grudging acquiescence to our continued focus on intimacy as being like "being raped". She later "clarified" her stance, but that particular characterization was fatal.
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Post by hopingforachange on Mar 8, 2017 0:31:29 GMT -5
During one of our recent conversations the W asked,
When do you think we will stop having sex?
The W actually thought there was an age where you stopped having sex. It took me a few minutes to fully comprehend the question. It was a shock to think there is an age that sex stops.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Mar 8, 2017 0:46:21 GMT -5
During one of our recent conversations the W asked, When do you think we will stop having sex? The W actually thought there was an age where you stopped having sex. It took me a few minutes to fully comprehend the question. It was a shock to think there is an age that sex stops. Just..... wow! Hugs xx |
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