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Post by Deleted on Jan 1, 2017 6:21:36 GMT -5
What freaks me out is how much it hurts. It freaks me out that he's so unaware. It freaks me out that I feel like I'm imagining everything. It freaks me out that I keep questioning if I'm really the problem. It freaks me out that I'm still here. It freaks me out that I keep thinking he's waiting for me. It freaks me out that I still cry alone in the bed. It freaks me out that need him, that I love him, that I like the way he smells, that I find him very attractive, that I yearn for his arms around me. It all freaks me out Rhapsodee, your post made me sad. I used to feel all those things too. From what you've said, we are both married to narcissists. There's no cure for that. So, in 2017, I'm hoping you will come to realize: - that you aren't imagining anything. It's all real. - that you are not the problem; HE is. - that you don't have to stay there. Life's too short and there is always a way out. - that if you are married, you shouldn't be crying alone in the bed. Not ever. You deserve so much more. Here's to 2017, the year of new beginnings! |
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 1, 2017 8:06:06 GMT -5
What freaks me out is how much it hurts. It freaks me out that he's so unaware. It freaks me out that I feel like I'm imagining everything. It freaks me out that I keep questioning if I'm really the problem. It freaks me out that I'm still here. It freaks me out that I keep thinking he's waiting for me. It freaks me out that I still cry alone in the bed. It freaks me out that need him, that I love him, that I like the way he smells, that I find him very attractive, that I yearn for his arms around me. It all freaks me out Maybe tell him this and see how he reacts. |
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Post by cagedtiger on Jan 1, 2017 18:07:39 GMT -5
How little disregard she has for my stuff:  Threw several boxes of old photos, tools, things from my younger brothers, and CD-ROMs into the same box. And casually mentioned, "oh, that box has all your things in it." |
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Post by pfviento on Jan 1, 2017 21:00:54 GMT -5
How little disregard she has for my stuff: Threw several boxes of old photos, tools, things from my younger brothers, and CD-ROMs into the same box. And casually mentioned, "oh, that box has all your things in it." That would have probably set me off. |
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Post by cagedtiger on Jan 1, 2017 21:25:57 GMT -5
How little disregard she has for my stuff: Threw several boxes of old photos, tools, things from my younger brothers, and CD-ROMs into the same box. And casually mentioned, "oh, that box has all your things in it." That would have probably set me off. Oh it has- she's out of town at a wedding though, and we haven't spoken at all today. We'll talk about this when we get home. |
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Post by DryCreek on Jan 1, 2017 21:28:53 GMT -5
cagedtiger, look at it this way... she's packing for you. Don't bother sorting it now; do it at the new place. "Good idea, thanks. Let me pack up the rest of my stuff. Ciao!" I'm not sure that waiting is having the positive benefits you had planned on... and now you're on the hook for half of her Christmas spending too.
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Post by cagedtiger on Jan 1, 2017 21:34:00 GMT -5
cagedtiger , look at it this way... she's packing for you. Don't bother sorting it now; do it at the new place. "Good idea, thanks. Let me pack up the rest of my stuff. Ciao!" I'm not sure that waiting is having the positive benefits you had planned on... and now you're on the hook for half of her Christmas spending too. That thought has crossed my mind, actually. Though I worry about all those photos being in the same box as several other things that could damage them. And I'm pretty sure she put the paperwork for my new car in there as well. As for the rest, I'll update my thread on that. But I go looking for lawyers this week. |
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Post by pfviento on Jan 1, 2017 21:39:17 GMT -5
That would have probably set me off. Oh it has- she's out of town at a wedding though, and we haven't spoken at all today. We'll talk about this when we get home. Good luck. I am fortunate in my wife tends to now leave my stuff alone. She knows tampering with it is a guaranteed argument. I can put with months of refusal and the hibernation but tampering with my stuff is sure to set me off. |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jan 2, 2017 6:24:42 GMT -5
That would have probably set me off. Oh it has- she's out of town at a wedding though, and we haven't spoken at all today. We'll talk about this when we get home. I find your tone strangely arousing CT  |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jan 2, 2017 6:25:40 GMT -5
And, yay, like DryCreek says, she just started packing for you. Result! |
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Post by Isabellas39 on Jan 4, 2017 12:21:31 GMT -5
It freaks me out that my husband can tell me he loves me everyday sometimes three or four times, and we've not had sex in years ...Honestly, this makes me want to pull all my hair out because I don't get it at all..
It freaks me out that I got married at 25 and it's been sexless for all of my 30's, and this year I turn 40.. That scares the shit out of me thinking that I could be in this sexless mess for another decade..
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Post by Deleted on Jan 4, 2017 12:27:29 GMT -5
It freaks me out that my husband can tell me he loves me everyday sometimes three or four times, and we've not had sex in years ...Honestly, this makes me want to pull all my hair out because I don't get it at all.. It freaks me out that I got married at 25 and it's been sexless for all of my 30's, and this year I turn 40.. That scares the shit out of me thinking that I could be in this sexless mess for another decade.. Why be in it for another decade? My H will say he loves me too. I guess his definition of love is different than mine. I'm learning to be OK with that and just accept that we're not right for each other, never were, and it's high time for both of us to move on. This Christmas was the first time I thought it would be nice if he could find a woman who could love him the way he needs (you know, with lots of beer and TV, but very little sex). There have to be women out there like that, right? He deserves love too. Hoping you find a way out so you can enjoy lots of sex in your 40s! |
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Post by Isabellas39 on Jan 4, 2017 12:39:20 GMT -5
It freaks me out that my husband can tell me he loves me everyday sometimes three or four times, and we've not had sex in years ...Honestly, this makes me want to pull all my hair out because I don't get it at all.. It freaks me out that I got married at 25 and it's been sexless for all of my 30's, and this year I turn 40.. That scares the shit out of me thinking that I could be in this sexless mess for another decade.. Why be in it for another decade? My H will say he loves me too. I guess his definition of love is different than mine. I'm learning to be OK with that and just accept that we're not right for each other, never were, and it's high time for both of us to move on. This Christmas was the first time I thought it would be nice if he could find a woman who could love him the way he needs (you know, with lots of beer and TV, but very little sex). There have to be women out there like that, right? He deserves love too. Hoping you find a way out so you can enjoy lots of sex in your 40s! I agree completely! My son is 13 and I guess I'm on the college plan. Sometimes, I think I can't wait that long and I need to start planning my exit now. It's getting more and more depressing.. It's just a waste being married and sleeping alone, zero intimacy, and zero romance.. |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Jan 4, 2017 12:45:45 GMT -5
It freaks me out that my husband can tell me he loves me everyday sometimes three or four times, and we've not had sex in years ...Honestly, this makes me want to pull all my hair out because I don't get it at all.. It freaks me out that I got married at 25 and it's been sexless for all of my 30's, and this year I turn 40.. That scares the shit out of me thinking that I could be in this sexless mess for another decade.. When do the words "I love you" feel like a knife to the heart? When you are in a sexless marriage. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 4, 2017 12:53:49 GMT -5
Isabellas39, do yourself a favor and make a plan. Having a plan doesn't mean you need to follow through, but it will give you options. I know that when I made my plan, it was very scary, but that plan is ultimately going to give me the opportunity to leave. And it has also empowered me. I'm out there living MY life, no longer waiting for my H to come around and enjoy me once and for all. He's in his own world. Soon, I'll be leaving him there! At one time, I thought I'd make it until my kids were in college too, but I've come to believe this marriage is killing me slowly. I owe it to my kids to stay healthy so I can be there for them as they become adults. I am NOT martyring myself to this marriage. I know what you mean about sleeping separately and having no intimacy - not even cuddling. We've been "officially" sleeping separately since about June (we mostly did before then). I've come to believe we are setting a terrible example of marriage for our kids. They're going to think married couples don't even sleep together? I feel awful about that. Take all this for what it's worth. Just my experience trying to get out of a SM. Good luck to you!
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