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Post by bballgirl on Dec 30, 2016 23:31:49 GMT -5
I used to hope I'd catch my H in an affair. I even once had a dream he served me with divorce papers and then I realized if the marriage is going to end then it's up to me to do it. I had the chance once. I had an out. I chose to forgive. I certainly have mixed feelings about my decision. Plus I never did truly forgive. You're probably right about you having to do it yourself. I don't come on here often anymore. But when I do I see all the great people. And I always wish something great for all. I get that "never truly forgiving" - my ex stepped outside of the sidelines our first year of marriage. I forgave him and we went on for 22 more years but after finding EP and coming out of the fog it all came back to me and I couldn't forgive it or the SM. |
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Post by skguy on Dec 30, 2016 23:45:16 GMT -5
I had the chance once. I had an out. I chose to forgive. I certainly have mixed feelings about my decision. Plus I never did truly forgive. You're probably right about you having to do it yourself. I don't come on here often anymore. But when I do I see all the great people. And I always wish something great for all. I get that "never truly forgiving" - my ex stepped outside of the sidelines our first year of marriage. I forgave him and we went on for 22 more years but after finding EP and coming out of the fog it all came back to me and I couldn't forgive it or the SM. I did well forgetting about it for 7 or 8 years. Mostly while my kid was younger. When it happened I was a bit shocked. Plus I had practically enabled it all by being nice and helpful to someone in need. And was also embarrassed. I couldn't imagine telling people about any of it. I reality I did as much to protect her as I did me. I Had several years of distraction and now I'm constantly aware I'm in a sm Thankfully I found this board in may. And all the great people. And thankfully I found an amazing friend on here. My shoulder to lean on. My best friend. |
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Post by shamwow on Dec 31, 2016 12:41:58 GMT -5
The things that freaks me out-- I can't tell if a)I'm being a patient/loving/engaged partner who is fighting for the person he loves (basically who I would want in a partnership), or: b)I'm being strung along by a person who is just taking advantage of me. I go back and forth on this every day. I feel crazy for it. A and B are not mutually exclusive. |
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Post by becca on Dec 31, 2016 12:48:54 GMT -5
The things that freaks me out-- I can't tell if a)I'm being a patient/loving/engaged partner who is fighting for the person he loves (basically who I would want in a partnership), or: b)I'm being strung along by a person who is just taking advantage of me. I go back and forth on this every day. I feel crazy for it. A and B are not mutually exclusive. Very true and probably the correct answer is C. Both. |
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Post by becca on Dec 31, 2016 13:06:13 GMT -5
I had the chance once. I had an out. I chose to forgive. I certainly have mixed feelings about my decision. Plus I never did truly forgive. You're probably right about you having to do it yourself. I don't come on here often anymore. But when I do I see all the great people. And I always wish something great for all. I get that "never truly forgiving" - my ex stepped outside of the sidelines our first year of marriage. I forgave him and we went on for 22 more years but after finding EP and coming out of the fog it all came back to me and I couldn't forgive it or the SM. Same here, bballgirl, but year two. It isn't something I ever talk to anyone about and I can honestly say I had forgotten it until all of this came to a head. He got caught soliciting a prostitute. He swore he was asking her for the time. |
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Post by bballgirl on Dec 31, 2016 13:13:46 GMT -5
I get that "never truly forgiving" - my ex stepped outside of the sidelines our first year of marriage. I forgave him and we went on for 22 more years but after finding EP and coming out of the fog it all came back to me and I couldn't forgive it or the SM. Same here, bballgirl, but year two. It isn't something I ever talk to anyone about and I can honestly say I had forgotten it until all of this came to a head. He got caught soliciting a prostitute. He swore he was asking her for the time. That's basically my deal busted with a prostitute. The whole place got busted. He wasn't arrested but had to be a witness. So he confessed to me. I forgot for a lot of years when the kids were young and made myself get past it. But the one thing I realized twenty plus years later...you don't get busted the first time you do that! Which the twenty year old me thought it was a one time thing. Very naive but knowledge is power and now I have trust issues! Go me! Happy New Year honey! Xoxo |
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Post by cagedtiger on Jan 1, 2017 2:02:42 GMT -5
Remember when I went out of town a couple of weeks ago and returned to the house being a disaster area while she was rearranging and cleaning the carpets at the same time? She emptied the carpet cleaner in the spare bathroom's bathtub, told me she'd clean it up later. I haven't been in there so I figured she had. Go to give the dogs baths after a long day of playing outside. Guess what I found?   |
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Post by JonDoe on Jan 1, 2017 2:28:48 GMT -5
cagedtiger I'm sorry, but that woman seems lazy as f***! Does she work outside the home? Is there even remotely a partially plausible reason for this besides "because it's the way God made me"?
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Post by cagedtiger on Jan 1, 2017 2:52:37 GMT -5
cagedtiger I'm sorry, but that woman seems lazy as f***! Does she work outside the home? Is there even remotely a partially plausible reason for this besides "because it's the way God made me"? She has a very good job in local government that she pours herself into. Her excuse is that she doesn't have any energy left when she gets home, or doesn't feel well, or has a headache, etc. |
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Post by baza on Jan 1, 2017 2:54:11 GMT -5
What'd she think of the pictures when you showed her CT ?
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Post by cagedtiger on Jan 1, 2017 3:01:55 GMT -5
What'd she think of the pictures when you showed her CT ? She knew what it looked like before she left for the weekend (we're in separate towns- that's another story), but I'll bring it up when she gets back Monday night/ Tuesday. She'll probably apologize, as she already has once for 1) making the mess and 2) not cleaning it up sooner (this was maybe last week?). I'm really not even that mad any more. More just astounded, and resigned to the fact that we have very, very different priorities in life and how we want to live. Which make us increasingly incompatible, and are all the more reason to see a lawyer this coming week. |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Jan 1, 2017 3:34:03 GMT -5
What freaks me out is how much it hurts.
It freaks me out that he's so unaware.
It freaks me out that I feel like I'm imagining everything.
It freaks me out that I keep questioning if I'm really the problem.
It freaks me out that I'm still here.
It freaks me out that I keep thinking he's waiting for me.
It freaks me out that I still cry alone in the bed.
It freaks me out that need him, that I love him, that I like the way he smells, that I find him very attractive, that I yearn for his arms around me.
It all freaks me out
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jan 1, 2017 3:43:50 GMT -5
What'd she think of the pictures when you showed her CT ? She knew what it looked like before she left for the weekend (we're in separate towns- that's another story), but I'll bring it up when she gets back Monday night/ Tuesday. She'll probably apologize, as she already has once for 1) making the mess and 2) not cleaning it up sooner (this was maybe last week?). I'm really not even that mad any more. More just astounded, and resigned to the fact that we have very, very different priorities in life and how we want to live. Which make us increasingly incompatible, and are all the more reason to see a lawyer this coming week. Still astounded CT? Don't worry. That'll pass! Its like a fairy comes in when you are working or asleep and just fucks your house over. An angrier person would shit on her pillow for that! Shes been lucky with you! Id be tempted now to just clean it and forget it. X |
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Post by solodriver on Jan 1, 2017 5:20:07 GMT -5
Beachguy crosses off bballgirl from his potential date list... I would love to date her, but just try not to piss her off  |
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Post by solodriver on Jan 1, 2017 5:30:21 GMT -5
It freaks me out how much I want her to love me and make love to me the way she used to do.
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