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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 4, 2017 13:02:08 GMT -5
Why be in it for another decade? My H will say he loves me too. I guess his definition of love is different than mine. I'm learning to be OK with that and just accept that we're not right for each other, never were, and it's high time for both of us to move on. This Christmas was the first time I thought it would be nice if he could find a woman who could love him the way he needs (you know, with lots of beer and TV, but very little sex). There have to be women out there like that, right? He deserves love too. Hoping you find a way out so you can enjoy lots of sex in your 40s! I agree completely! My son is 13 and I guess I'm on the college plan. Sometimes, I think I can't wait that long and I need to start planning my exit now. It's getting more and more depressing.. It's just a waste being married and sleeping alone, zero intimacy, and zero romance.. You know friend "one" more year might be an option. The whole divorce process can take 6 months or 2 to 3 yrs. Your son will be 14, starting high school. This is a stage where his body is maturing, and he wants to be with friends, video games, and social media far more than his parents. Also very influential years on how he is going to treat his future spouse. Think of the example of a distant non-loving, manipulative relationship that you are giving him. What a better future for everyone if you were separate. Find out how many years you need to be married in your state to receive permanent alimony. |
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 4, 2017 13:07:46 GMT -5
BESIDES not being able to have NORMAL, HEALTHY, LIFE-GIVING INTIMACY WITH THE PERSON YOU CHOSE TO MARRY..... For me, it has got to be how my wife has continued to go on quite merrily, and regularly talks about future plans as if she has never heard a single word I've said over the years about how devastating this has all been for me. THIS FREAKS ME OUT! It's not broken to her. No need to work at fixing something that isn't broken in her opinion. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 4, 2017 13:33:26 GMT -5
Amen, GC! Take a bow, my friend. Your work here is done today. ;-)
You thought you were giving advice to Isabellas39? I needed to hear this too. Big time. Thanks fella.
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Post by Isabellas39 on Jan 4, 2017 13:46:41 GMT -5
Amen, GC! Take a bow, my friend. Your work here is done today. ;-) You thought you were giving advice to Isabellas39? I needed to hear this too. Big time. Thanks fella. I plan on working on my exit plan starting now...I do think about the example I'm setting, and I know it's not a very healthy one . |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 4, 2017 13:59:41 GMT -5
Amen, GC! Take a bow, my friend. Your work here is done today. ;-) You thought you were giving advice to Isabellas39? I needed to hear this too. Big time. Thanks fella. I plan on working on my exit plan starting now...I do think about the example I'm setting, and I know it's not a very healthy one . If 50% of marriages are ending in divorce, how many of his classmates will be living in a divorced family? It's become the norm, accepted in today's society, with more and more positive results. Positive thoughts, no guilt, that you are doing this for the good of the entire family. And yes, oddly enough for your husband too. It has taken me years , and a few strong tipping points, to reach this conclusion. My entire life of Catholic/Christ Follower added strongly to the FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt) that has now been lifted. |
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Post by thebaffledking on Jan 8, 2017 3:29:55 GMT -5
I have been reminded, during recent holiday visits by my 26 and 20 year olds, of one method of control and selfishness my wife uses.......when we are walking around, sight-seeing, whatever, she is either way up front, like 15-20 steady feet ahead of me with the kid(s), OR, if I catch up to walk with them, she will slow her pace and drop back, yes, with the kid(s). It's probably been ten years since we walked as a single unit. This is what she does and it FREAKS ME OUT!
Oh well, this is the last time it will ever happen, so it's all good. I just try to enjoy myself, take photos, people-watch. I'll have my time with my kids once I get out of this control-freak-shitty-ass (or CFSA for short) dynamic. Fuck yes!
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Post by novembercomingfire on Jan 8, 2017 7:30:42 GMT -5
I have been reminded, during recent holiday visits by my 26 and 20 year olds, of one method of control and selfishness my wife uses.......when we are walking around, sight-seeing, whatever, she is either way up front, like 15-20 steady feet ahead of me with the kid(s), OR, if I catch up to walk with them, she will slow her pace and drop back, yes, with the kid(s). It's probably been ten years since we walked as a single unit. This is what she does and it FREAKS ME OUT! Oh well, this is the last time it will ever happen, so it's all good. I just try to enjoy myself, take photos, people-watch. I'll have my time with my kids once I get out of this control-freak-shitty-ass (or CFSA for short) dynamic. Fuck yes! That sounds absolutely horrible and unacceptable. |
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Post by shamwow on Jan 8, 2017 7:49:26 GMT -5
I have been reminded, during recent holiday visits by my 26 and 20 year olds, of one method of control and selfishness my wife uses.......when we are walking around, sight-seeing, whatever, she is either way up front, like 15-20 steady feet ahead of me with the kid(s), OR, if I catch up to walk with them, she will slow her pace and drop back, yes, with the kid(s). It's probably been ten years since we walked as a single unit. This is what she does and it FREAKS ME OUT! Oh well, this is the last time it will ever happen, so it's all good. I just try to enjoy myself, take photos, people-watch. I'll have my time with my kids once I get out of this control-freak-shitty-ass (or CFSA for short) dynamic. Fuck yes! You ever think of "divide and conquer?" Basically when walking around find things that woldbe of interest to one of your kids and share that experience with them. At different times, alternate with the other. Your kids are unique individuals with their own interests. Find some that overlap with yours. In some ways you should count yourself lucky. My wife goes on entire TRIPS with the kids and doesn't invite me (new york, Bahamas, Philly). I've learned to return the favor (Grand Canyon, Ozarks, etc), and it turns out that trips are a hell of a lot more fun without her there and all the stress it causes. |
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Post by thebaffledking on Jan 8, 2017 9:00:27 GMT -5
I live 5600 miles from my kids. My 'divide and conquer' is me leaving this wreck of a marriage and letting the kids see ME again without her anywhere in sight.
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Post by shamwow on Jan 8, 2017 9:30:27 GMT -5
I live 5600 miles from my kids. My 'divide and conquer' is me leaving this wreck of a marriage and letting the kids see ME again without her anywhere in sight. Ouch! Talk about long distance relationship. I'm at a loss for advice other than to keep your chin up king |
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Moetse Tau
Junior Member
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Age Range: 41-45
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Post by Moetse Tau on Jan 8, 2017 10:27:09 GMT -5
My STBX would always act loving and flirtatious when we were out in public. Women especially told me how lucky I was to be married to him. No one except me knew he was an iceman when it came to sexual intimacy with me at home. Oh and I am starting over in my early 50's too JD. Arh, the public face. From my own experience and what others have said there seem to be a trait here, our spouses work so hard to show the world that they loving, intimate and attentive people. That tells me they have some comprehension what they are doing is wrong if they have to hide it? Yeah, This, plus other things, but according to my bro in law, the veil has holes. He and I talk, he knows, but he says the parents are starting to question things. |
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Post by shamwow on Jan 8, 2017 10:35:31 GMT -5
Arh, the public face. From my own experience and what others have said there seem to be a trait here, our spouses work so hard to show the world that they loving, intimate and attentive people. That tells me they have some comprehension what they are doing is wrong if they have to hide it? Yeah, This, plus other things, but according to my bro in law, the veil has holes. He and I talk, he knows, but he says the parents are starting to question things. And, of course, that takes a private frustration and turns it into a public "in your face" bitch slap you are socially obligated to smile at and actually go along with. Complete bullshit IMHO. |
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Moetse Tau
Junior Member
Posts: 87
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by Moetse Tau on Jan 8, 2017 10:57:43 GMT -5
Maybe he practiced French kissing on it .... have I just freaked you out more Nancy 😳 LMAO...no I'm not freaked out. I don't care anymore what he did with it. His excuse when confronted was just as pathetic. He said that he 'bought it to jazz up our sex life.' WTF? Haha. Bought it for our sex life. Ha-fucking-ha. I heard that last year. She "unveiled" several items last year with that story. three items, one for me, two for her... that "I would be able to use on her". We used the one for me and one for her that night with future plans to have fun with the other toys..... one year later, still yet to play with the other toy on her, but checking the "toy box" on occasion, tells me she uses hers quite often, and thats the only time I see her toys. Oddly, one of my toys ended up in her toybox. Not quite sure how it got there (i didnt put it), nor am i sure why. It feels like a mind game, like she is checking to see if or how often I use it. I just wonder how long it will be when she realizes I am not playing that particular game, I can take care of my self without that piece of 'equipment" haha |
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Post by lyn on Jan 8, 2017 11:11:54 GMT -5
I have been reminded, during recent holiday visits by my 26 and 20 year olds, of one method of control and selfishness my wife uses.......when we are walking around, sight-seeing, whatever, she is either way up front, like 15-20 steady feet ahead of me with the kid(s), OR, if I catch up to walk with them, she will slow her pace and drop back, yes, with the kid(s). It's probably been ten years since we walked as a single unit. This is what she does and it FREAKS ME OUT! Oh well, this is the last time it will ever happen, so it's all good. I just try to enjoy myself, take photos, people-watch. I'll have my time with my kids once I get out of this control-freak-shitty-ass (or CFSA for short) dynamic. Fuck yes! CFSA! Exactly what this is. Just such blatant disregard for your role as their father thebaffledking. Forget about marital respect - we know that's long gone - but this action of denying you access to the family unit LITERALLY! Sounds like this has been the dynamic for years. This W of yours is about as subtle as a hammer to the head. Remember TBK, your kids aren't stupid and your wife is a manipulative abuser plain and simple. She abuses you - she abuses the children (granted now adults) with her manipulation and alienation of their father. I'm certain they are intelligent young adults who DO love you and also DO see your wife for what she is. IMHO, your relationship with your kids will begin to heal once you leave her........ it will probably take some time but they will respect you for your decision to take your life back - {{hugs bk}} |
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Moetse Tau
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Age Range: 41-45
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Post by Moetse Tau on Jan 8, 2017 11:15:38 GMT -5
What freaked me out the most - besides the obvious - is the same thing that I keep mentioning in my posts: If (as he said) his health issues were the only real reason - then why would he never follow through with the things he had to do to improve his health? With or without me in his life - does he WANT to be depressed, have chronic pain, and/or a dependency on Rx painkillers all his life? How can anyone be willing to feel lousy all the time? Damn.... Right. As of two days ago, we are now back to the 'health issues' excuses, but according to a statement not to long ago, "health issues are like 50% of the reason why we are not intimate". Yeah? what is the other 50%, and I wonder if she even remembers saying that a month ago. And, yeah, if it is health, or psych issues, then why isnt she working to do something about it...and by working, i mean help the household income so we could afford healthcare.... |
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