Friends

I opened up to a friend years ago. His response was "So!?" It turns out that he is the refuser in his relationship. Other male friends have responded with "Join the club! We don't get as much sex as we want either, but you don't hear us whining about it." Then they changed the subject to football. I found that most guys don't care to discuss anything serious about relationships.

I've shared with friends and relatives. It's very helpful. I highly recommend opening up to trusted people that you are close to.

The number one thing I've gotten out of it is that a truly happy marriage is hard to come by. Hearing other people's marital problems put mine in perspective. Some are having sex yet have it worse than me. Others are not having sex and still have other problems that I don't have. Few have it much better than I do overall, regardless of bedroom activity.

If I had an option to permanently switch lives with any of these friends of mine by waving a magic wand, I may actually choose to just put the magic wand in the garbage if you can believe that. It'd be amazing to have a sex life again but I'm just not sure it'd be worth the trade in the long run.

Opening up to friends and close family was one of the best things I did. Those I told were supportive and many remarked that I had given every chance I could to make the marriage work, so many would have left way earlier. We had kept the "happy, perfect couple" facade up so well that people who didn't--and still don't really--know were shocked when we said we were getting divorced. Interestingly, my family was supportive and understanding of the reasons behind leaving, his family all thought it would be better to preserve the marriage even without the sex. I also found it interesting to find folks in real life (not on EP, so thankful for there as it was the first place I resealed my secret), who were going through the same thing. Having the support off- and online helped so much during my exit process.

I have told my therapist and 2 of my sisters. I even told my therapist about the ILIASM site to recommend to other clients. I would say the response has been shock and disbelief but I only told them this past week.

Friends, yes. Family, not yet, as my parents with their good Christian upbringing will immediately go to something about the marriage being more about the spirit than the flesh, blah blah blah blah. Siblings, maybe eventually, but not yet.

I told my closest friends this summer, although they'd already suspected something was wrong, and noticing that I'd disappeared for a while (when the wife was at her most reclusive, and I let myself get sucked into it. Most of my closest friends, ironically enough, are divorced, and they all know what I'm going through. My best friend at work was in pretty much the exact same situation (his ex-wife only pretended to like sex to hook him and get him to stay), and he's pretty strongly encouraged me since he started getting the sense something was wrong. Add in that his girlfriend is a therapist (she's the one who suggested our current marriage counselor, though I couldn't tell my wife that, because she despises my friend and his girlfriend), and I've got a pretty strong "corner," if you will.

Not sure yet how/ when to bring it up to family, or how to do so appropriately. Parts of me still feel guilty at times for not being "content" with everything else being ok sometimes.

I have very friends and no one knows. I am very affectionate and no one would believe it. People often ask if we are newly weds due to me being so demonstrative.

New friends! I took on new friends. Like the song from Cheers, "were everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came, and troubles are all the same".

I have found it somewhat relieving to know I am not alone, and even if my problems aren't quite the same you will be surprised at the people who whisper, "I was divorced."

Finding the SM people is not as common. Once you mention divorce , there is a lot of comfort for you out there. People stand up for you, and say, "you've been through a lot, yea but your situation is different, that is not fair at all, of course you do, that's to be expected".