First day on this group

Thank you. I don't know how to pm at the moment. I'm not a techie at all. I appreciate that most people on here are in the same boat, and I suppose it's hit me hardest reading on here that there is nothing that I can do. It's really nice to know that support is here though. I thought about marriage guidance but he's not interested...."Can't talk about that now I've got a lot on!"
I'm sure I'll bounce back a bit tomorrow. But thank you for your kind words..,they mean a lot.

Even if he doesn't have time for counseling, you may consider just going by yourself.  It won't change your situation (I'm afraid you're likely going to find that nothing will change that short of leaving the marriage), but it may help YOU cope with it better.

You're not and we can prove it.

First of all, take a peek at my post in the welcome section. It's called "A Post About You." It will be encouraging. Try to remember that it is completely normal to want sex in marriage. The person who does not is the one with the problem.

Here is a link to the post.
iliasm.freeforums.net/thread/98/post

And if you want to look, there is a link to my blog below

Welcome to the site, unfortunately.  It's the club nobody wants to join, but it does a world of good to have someone you can talk to.  Nobody here is an "expert" in the official sense, but we've all got our own stories, and they have remarkable similarities.

As wewbwb pointed out, counseling can be invaluable to help you cope, and perhaps identify things about yourself that you can improve - whether or not they help the marriage.  Counseling cannot help you fix your spouse.  Been there, tried that.  They have to seek out their own help, and be motivated to action themselves.  Threatening, begging, coercing him to go will not get him seriously engaged in trying to change.

It is a sad reflection when you raise a concern and it gets dismissed or pushed to the back burner.  Consciously or not, he's saying "this is less important than other things in my life".  That may or may not be reality - people often confuse "urgent" with "important".  That is, giving priority to things that are "urgent but not important" while neglecting things that are "important but not urgent".

The thing that's hard for us all to absorb is that "it's not us".  Not that we are innocent victims (because at points along the way we've probably fueled the situation), but for reasons most of us can't comprehend (and they don't grasp either), they've lost their desire for us.  Typically, nothing we try will have an effect - and they simply can't be bothered to try.  More significantly, we can't fix it by ourselves.  It takes active effort on their part too, and even then only because they are motivated to do so (not under threat of divorce, etc.).  Often, they either refuse to acknowledge there's a problem, or they don't care.

As you've already surmised, there's no "one simple trick" that you've overlooked.  The best thing you could do for the immediate is internalize is that this isn't about you, this is about him.  You're not unattractive or undesirable - he's broken.  Once you get past that very large mental obstacle, you can make better plans for how you're going to deal with the situation.  Not all of us choose to leave.

DC

All of this is so true.  Please seek counseling for yourself, it was so helpful for me.  We are all here for you to help.  So glad you found us.