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Post by beachguy on Oct 29, 2016 17:07:44 GMT -5
After reading GeekGoddess 's reply, which is diametrically opposite to mine, I want to stress that my marriage was a blatant bait n switch. I never had any good years. I didn't even have a good month following the wedding. The first time I contemplated my divorce was during my sexless honeymoon... Beachguy - I didn't have sex on my honeymoon either, Infact I travelled to another city solo for five days whilst my husband got drunk and had fun with one of our male friends who was staying nearby.. I remember feeling deeply alone and miserable as I travelled around Seville.. Can't believe that was eleven years ago and I've gotten used to my 'marriage' which is a friendship as it stands. No, I would not do it again.. Wanna do a spouse swap? |
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Post by wewbwb on Oct 29, 2016 18:23:31 GMT -5
Surprise! I would.
As painful as it's been for me, I have learned a lot and grown.
I am a better man because of the Frigidaire.
All the pain, neglect and sorry has tempered me.
I have a much better understanding of myself and what I want from life and a partner.
I am who I am because of my experiences. Both the good and the bad.
So I would.
It has lead me to where I am today.
(This is a great question though)
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2016 21:18:43 GMT -5
You've had the rare opportunity to find out for a fact whether everything was great bar the sex. Apparently it wasn't.
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Post by JonDoe on Oct 29, 2016 21:54:49 GMT -5
Now that I'm getting my sexual needs met, not as much as I like but twice a week. There are other issues that I've begun to notice in my spouse. Maybe because I'm not as horny and my mind is more clear. I find myself thinking that maybe the only thing I really enjoy about my wife is having sex with her. I love her body and the way she looks, but her attitude can be shitty at times. She was not always in bad moods. At one time, I loved her company and talking with her. But now, I'm not so sure. You are having sex twice a week (  you lucky fuq ), enjoy it while it lasts brother! Depending on how long you endured the rejection and how deep the resentment was rooted (no pun intended), it may take more time before you warm up to her and become more tolerant of things that currently annoy you. Now that she is speaking your love language, are you also speaking hers? |
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Post by obobfla on Oct 29, 2016 22:39:23 GMT -5
No. He's a selfish person every way imaginable including sexually. Hindsight is 20/20 but at the same time I don't have regrets because of my children. In today's world if he were available (which he is lol) I would not be interested in him at all. I use what I know about him and his behavior to find red flags in other men now. I learned a lot about myself and relationships from my 23 year shithole marriage. I have been asking myself this. Probably no, but I don't regret having my son. He's the reason I would say yes. At the same time, I have learned a lot about myself and what I can put up with in a relationship. Like bballgirl, it has been eye-opening. I am friends with my wife still. I have learned a lot about mental illness and found a great support system for myself. But I've been through hell, having to deal with a delusional spouse ranting about unseen voices yelling at her. I miss being around a woman who acknowledges me as a man. |
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Post by callisto on Oct 30, 2016 3:50:59 GMT -5
Those of us still in iliasm are in a way renewing our vows everyday, bolstering commitment. So saying, 'No, we wouldn't do it again' .....we are doing it again tacitly.
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Post by baza on Oct 30, 2016 4:22:12 GMT -5
Hugely relevant point Sister callisto makes.
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Post by iceman on Oct 30, 2016 7:12:15 GMT -5
Now that I'm getting my sexual needs met, not as much as I like but twice a week. Just curious, when you say you're getting your sexual needs met do you mean that your wife is fully engaged in sex, as in she also has desire? Or, is she allowing her to use her body for your sexual pleasure but she's not so much into it? In my case for the last several years of the decline of our sex life, our sex life was the latter. She'd allow me to 'use' her but she wasn't into it much at all. I guess I should be grateful that she was willing to do that but somehow it seemed to make me feel worse. |
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Post by beachguy on Oct 30, 2016 7:17:40 GMT -5
Surprise! I would. As painful as it's been for me, I have learned a lot and grown. I am a better man because of the Frigidaire. All the pain, neglect and sorry has tempered me. I have a much better understanding of myself and what I want from life and a partner. I am who I am because of my experiences. Both the good and the bad. So I would. It has lead me to where I am today. (This is a great question though) Are you sure that the only way to personal self development is through the self inflicted punishment of enforced celibacy? You could do that more directly by simply entering the priesthood. |
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Post by iceman on Oct 30, 2016 7:19:26 GMT -5
I've asked myself this a lot in the last few years. My wife and I have had the discussion. Her answer is always an unequivocal 'yes'. I have no idea how she can say that given our situation. My view is that if I could separate my kids from the equation the answer would be an unequivocal 'no'. But I can't separate them out of the situation. So, I answer it this way. If before we were married if I was asked would you be willing to have marriage that resulted in great kids, financial security, companionship, nice house, etc. but your wife would want nothing to do with you sexually would you be okay with that? I don't think I would have say 'sure, that's a good deal'. No way!!!
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Post by bballgirl on Oct 30, 2016 7:44:59 GMT -5
I've asked myself this a lot in the last few years. My wife and I have had the discussion. Her answer is always an unequivocal 'yes'. I have no idea how she can say that given our situation. My view is that if I could separate my kids from the equation the answer would be an unequivocal 'no'. But I can't separate them out of the situation. So, I answer it this way. If before we were married if I was asked would you be willing to have marriage that resulted in great kids, financial security, companionship, nice house, etc. but your wife would want nothing to do with you sexually would you be okay with that? I don't think I would have say 'sure, that's a good deal'. No way!!! I know exactly how she can say Yes. It's because a sexless marriage is the marriage she wants. My ex didn't want me to divorce him and I know he loved me to the best of his ability but it wasn't enough for me. It makes me sad to think of the way it should have been, that's what my heart says but then my brain screams he didn't want and desire you and never would. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 30, 2016 8:04:03 GMT -5
The yes response seems to be followed with, " We have great kids, or for the children's sake". Isn't it safe to say, you would have great children, maybe even better rounded, happier children, if you could do it again with a different spouse?
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Post by wewbwb on Oct 30, 2016 8:04:03 GMT -5
Are you sure that the only way to personal self development is through the self inflicted punishment of enforced celibacy? You could do that more directly by simply entering the priesthood. No. I'm not "sure" of anything. Besides not being able to reach the top shelf. I am sure of what happened. I am sure that I am a better man for it. I am sure that I see relationships and devotion differently because of it. Could this have been achieved a different way? Possibly. Probably. I am sure that I would not do well in a rigid environment being told what to think and believe. All I am saying is that this path changed me and I believe that I am better for the experience. But who knows? I could be wrong. |
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Post by beachguy on Oct 30, 2016 8:08:33 GMT -5
Are you sure that the only way to personal self development is through the self inflicted punishment of enforced celibacy? You could do that more directly by simply entering the priesthood. No. I'm not "sure" of anything. Besides not being able to reach the top shelf. I am sure of what happened. I am sure that I am a better man for it. I am sure that I see relationships and devotion differently because of it. Could this have been achieved a different way? Possibly. Probably. I am sure that I would not do well in a rigid environment being told what to think and believe. All I am saying is that this path changed me and I believe that I am better for the experience. But who knows? I could be wrong. If you would willingly repeat the past then I suspect that if you ever do extricate yourself from your current misery you will even more willingly repeat that past with wife V2. Just food for thought ... |
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Post by tamara68 on Oct 30, 2016 8:09:18 GMT -5
No Way! I would have avoided him completely If I had know this in advance.
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you lucky fuq 
