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Post by JonDoe on Oct 24, 2016 22:51:46 GMT -5
I wanna meet the person that dreamt up this form of torture. I wanna party with this person and get him or her shjtface drunk and ask WTF? and then just listen to him laugh at the absurdity of the concept and spill the beans, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
Knowing what I now know, how I feel right now at this very moment, I could not in good conscience suggest marriage to anyone that bothered to ask my opinion. Yes, I know that some people actually have good or at least decent marriages, but that looks like a mirage from my current vantage point.
My wife couldn't manage to muster the time or energy to have a meaningful sexual relationship while we were raising two kids. Something else almost always came first (no pun intended). Then you have this Duggar family with 19 kids. NINETEEN! Obviously Jim Bob had a lot of sex, at least a lot more than me.
Have you ever wanted something so much and for such a long time that you question if you actually want it any more? For some that may be a rhetorical question, but I want others to think long and hard (again, no pun intended) about their options before reaching this point of desperation and despair.
I have reached the point of thinking that chemical castration would be less painful than the emotional castration I have endured. FML!
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Post by baza on Oct 25, 2016 2:11:46 GMT -5
The ruling classes through history invented marriage as a visible uniting of political / financial / territorial alliances.
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The average plebs like us just lived together.
Eventually, the concept filtered down from the ruling classes to the proleteriat. Us.
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Personally, I WOULD recommend people forge meaningful relationships with other people, up to and including marriage if the relationship is meaningful enough. It is a terrific thing when the right people are in it.
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However, there is a disclaimer.
I spent 30+ years in a dud marriage, and the last 6 in the relationship of my life, so my opinion needs to carry an 80% discount.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Oct 25, 2016 2:36:02 GMT -5
I don't believe in marriage.
I hear it was invented back when life expectancy was ridiculously low...so people could say "yep I'll love you until death us do part" with some conviction.
These days its all about the day. And what you spend on it. No one can say I'll love you forever. It's bullshit.
Makes me feel sick!
I'm so glad I didn't marry my dud. Unfortunately im still here 17 yrs later though.
But the journey to freedom has commenced. It's still in my head at the moment. I'm learning a lot!
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Post by JonDoe on Oct 25, 2016 6:11:32 GMT -5
I'm thinking of retiring early somewhere a topless beach.
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Post by thefullmoon on Oct 25, 2016 6:45:58 GMT -5
I wanna meet the person that dreamt up this form of torture. I wanna party with this person and get him or her shjtface drunk and ask WTF? and then just listen to him laugh at the absurdity of the concept and spill the beans, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Knowing what I now know, how I feel right now at this very moment, I could not in good conscience suggest marriage to anyone that bothered to ask my opinion. Yes, I know that some people actually have good or at least decent marriages, but that looks like a mirage from my current vantage point. My wife couldn't manage to muster the time or energy to have a meaningful sexual relationship while we were raising two kids. Something else almost always came first (no pun intended). Then you have this Duggar family with 19 kids. NINETEEN! Obviously Jim Bob had a lot of sex, at least a lot more than me. Have you ever wanted something so much and for such a long time that you question if you actually want it any more? For some that may be a rhetorical question, but I want others to think long and hard (again, no pun intended) about their options before reaching this point of desperation and despair. I have reached the point of thinking that chemical castration would be less painful than the emotional castration I have endured. FML! Divorce was invented long enough time ago... no need to suffer for decades .. |
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Post by JonDoe on Oct 25, 2016 7:10:58 GMT -5
The words marriage and mirage differ by only two letters, AR, which may well stand for Asexual Romantic, which just about sums it up for many ILIASM alumni.
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Post by JonDoe on Oct 25, 2016 7:35:17 GMT -5
Fiery , This analogy is very thinly veiled. The differences are many. The thug wants something from you, but never made a long term commitment, doesn't toy with your emotions, doesnt walk naked in front of you, never had sex with you, didn't walk down the isle with you, doesn't expect you to help raise kids, provide a roof over his/her head, plan and save for retirement, remember his/her birthday, Anniversaries, etc. With a thug, the contract is clear, give me your money, phone, jewelry, etc. then we parts ways perhaps never to be seen again. The refuser in a sexless marriage expects so much more and defaults one important aspect of the well accepted contract of marriage, a sexual relationship. For those that have suffered in a sexless marriage, most will tell you this is emotional abuse, which should be a crime. And for the record, I am NOT looking for a solution to be castrated. I merely made a comment that in my current emotional state, that one might be less painful than the other. I don't appreciate you making light of my situation in this regard. Please don't respond, as I am uninterested to hear any further response regarding this portion of your previous comment.
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Post by wewbwb on Oct 25, 2016 7:44:12 GMT -5
My understanding of the "invention" of marriage is that it is based on the idea of providing for women and children. For better or for worse (see what I did there?) the perception of women in prehistoric times was that they needed to be provided for and taken care of. They only acquired their "rights" through marriage and from men. It is also why polygamy is/was practiced. To provide for widows and orphans. The men were busy killing each other. Good times. Glad that's all over with.  |
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Post by beachguy on Oct 25, 2016 9:32:45 GMT -5
Marriage would be fine with one change- replace fidelity with a right of first refusal. It is difficult to envision the change in the marital dynamics that would result.
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Post by bballgirl on Oct 25, 2016 10:19:53 GMT -5
Marriage would be fine with one change- replace fidelity with a right of first refusal. It is difficult to envision the change in the marital dynamics that would result. How about 2 changes. Instead of divorce to get out we have renewals every 5 years. Maybe then spouses wouldn't bait and switch or take each other for granted. Maybe it would create a new culture for marriage. As far as legalities, it could get sticky but 50/50 across the board as a default for any assets acquired during the marriage. |
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Post by beachguy on Oct 25, 2016 10:21:36 GMT -5
Marriage would be fine with one change- replace fidelity with a right of first refusal. It is difficult to envision the change in the marital dynamics that would result. How about 2 changes. Instead of divorce to get out we have renewals every 5 years. Maybe then spouses wouldn't bait and switch or take each other for granted. Maybe it would create a new culture for marriage. As far as legalities, it could get sticky but 50/50 across the board as a default for any assets acquired during the marriage. I'm in for that! |
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Post by Caris on Oct 25, 2016 10:24:59 GMT -5
"Have you ever wanted something so much and for such a long time that you question if you actually want it any more? For some that may be a rhetorical question, but I want others to think long and hard (again, no pun intended) about their options before reaching this point of desperation and despair."
Yes, absolutely this has happened with me. First (and for two decades), it was sex and touch. It was emotional and physical hell on earth. It felt like torture day in and day out. Then it went to hugs. Sometimes I felt like I would die (no exaggeration), if I wasn't lovingly held. The tension and longing, for a hug, went right through my chest. I used to think this will kill me with a heart attack. Then as years passed with no hugs or relief, it went to longing to have my hand held. "Please, someone just walk with me, and hold my hand!"
Eventually after 25-years, the rejection was complete. As much as I still want these things, they also make me shudder at the thought of someone touching me now. I guess one can only be denied for so long until psychological defenses reverse longing into a repellant for the sake of survival. It hurts to the depths of your soul for decades, and then screws you up for life, if you stay long enough.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2016 12:26:33 GMT -5
Marriage would be fine with one change- replace fidelity with a right of first refusal. It is difficult to envision the change in the marital dynamics that would result. Or - make the marriage license come up for renewal every 5 years, like a driver's license. Great minds think alike! |
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Post by beachguy on Oct 25, 2016 12:45:52 GMT -5
Marriage would be fine with one change- replace fidelity with a right of first refusal. It is difficult to envision the change in the marital dynamics that would result. Or - make the marriage license come up for renewal every 5 years, like a driver's license. Great minds think alike! Now THAT would change the dynamics for the better!!!!! |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Oct 25, 2016 12:53:49 GMT -5
Marriage would be fine with one change- replace fidelity with a right of first refusal. It is difficult to envision the change in the marital dynamics that would result. Or - make the marriage license come up for renewal every 5 years, like a driver's license. Great minds think alike! Wait... wtf... you have to do your driving test every 5 years? No way! Aah. It was bad enough the first time lol. |
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