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Post by JonDoe on Oct 26, 2016 19:42:58 GMT -5
She has a leg up on me because most of her female friends outside our mutual circle of friends, are already divorced, and these women will band together, circle the wagons, and join forces to fight the "enemy". So I won't be announcing anything -- when the time is rgiht and the plan is in place, she will be served papers at work by Sheriff.
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Post by baza on Oct 26, 2016 21:23:03 GMT -5
Standard suggestions appear to apply Brother Jon.
Legal advice from a lawyer in your jurisdiction.
An exit strategy, based on the legal advice, knocked in to do-able shape.
Shoring up your support network, possibly including a personal counsellor.
Lots of research into helping kids (if applicable) transition through such an event.
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Then, having constructed a viable alternative to staying in your ILIASM shithole, you will be in a position to make a fully informed and objective choice about what your next move ought be.
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Post by Caris on Oct 27, 2016 15:57:45 GMT -5
It's abuse. You and your needs, your feelings don't matter. It's typical of many refusers. They are selfish, and as long as they feel okay, that's all that matters. I don't know your backstory, so I don't know where you are with plans to stay or leave. Do you have any plans or thoughts about this? Over the span of the last three months, I have "decided" that divorce is in MY best interest three times and that I am ready to put ME first for a change. However, each time I also made the decision to wait three days to see if I still felt so strongly about my "decision" because once I start the ball rolling I know there is little if anything that will cause me to reverse course. What I truly want is an intimate relationship with my wife, but I just don't see that happening even if the Gods could/would align the stars. So what has stopped me each time? Several things, I cool down a little, I push the pain aside, I realize it will be a long hard, lonely and emotional road ahead for the next year until the divorce is final, the emotions are draining my energy and will need to dig deep to find the time and energy to put a plan in place and execute it, I haven't figured out how I'm gonna tell my young adult children, who I know she will turn against me at least initially, ... Yes, all excuses, but I need to work through some of this before I'm full steam ahead. If it's any consolation, it took me 25-years to leave, so I know how that goes. I was (am) someone who gets over disappointments pretty fast. He could cut me to my core in the morning, and I'm thinking "that's it, I can't take anymore, this is killing me," and two hours later, I'm my cheery self again. I never forgot all the unkind things, but I forgive very easily, and I'd think of all the things to be grateful for. This is why I'm ambivalent about positive thinking and gratitude strategies. They do help...to an extent...like a band aid, but as I learned, they can also keep you from moving out of a bad situation that is slowly destroying your self esteem and confidence, and doing terrible things to your mental health. |
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