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Post by unmatched on Oct 12, 2016 22:07:50 GMT -5
Ha! I asked all the time. My personal fave of my own: -Scene- (Husband complaining about itchy eyes.) Me: You know what will fix that? H: No, what? Me: Fucking your wife. (The worst weekend of my life follows) -End scene- Truly, a little more aggressive and on the side of "funny" but still, arguably direct. I probably asked 100 times why. Direct, indirect, sideways, bending over with my ass in the air. I've even texted him asking if I could sleep with other people. Granted, this was AFTER point blank asking him for an open marriage. I don't think all of us have a problem saying what we mean. Maybe doing what we mean. OK, I am trying really hard not to picture you bending over with your ass in the air saying, 'Why won't you fuck me?' I am trying... |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Oct 12, 2016 22:17:47 GMT -5
Ha! I asked all the time. My personal fave of my own: -Scene- (Husband complaining about itchy eyes.) Me: You know what will fix that? H: No, what? Me: Fucking your wife. (The worst weekend of my life follows) -End scene- Truly, a little more aggressive and on the side of "funny" but still, arguably direct. I probably asked 100 times why. Direct, indirect, sideways, bending over with my ass in the air. I've even texted him asking if I could sleep with other people. Granted, this was AFTER point blank asking him for an open marriage. I don't think all of us have a problem saying what we mean. Maybe doing what we mean. OK, I am trying really hard not to picture you bending over with your ass in the air saying, 'Why won't you fuck me?' I am trying... Go ahead & picture it - I did! 😉 JMX - I think your spouse must be a zombie if that one got no takers! |
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Post by JMX on Oct 12, 2016 22:28:35 GMT -5
GeekGoddess - stone cold silence no matter WHAT I do. So, do I have a problem speaking DIRECTLY? Absolutely not. Do I have a problem with FOLLOW-THROUGH? Absolutely so. It is an on- going issue in many other aspects except for sex. I always follow through on sex. No matter. I do not ask anymore. The answer does not matter.
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Post by baza on Oct 12, 2016 22:39:24 GMT -5
Interesting that thus far -
1 member says they never have posed this question.
6 members say they used to pose this question but no longer do.
3 members say that they do still ask this question.
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No-one reports it as having been a terribly fruitful exercise.
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Post by novembercomingfire on Oct 12, 2016 22:41:22 GMT -5
One more for never, ever again ...
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Post by solodriver on Oct 13, 2016 0:03:28 GMT -5
I don't need to ask my wife "Why won't you f*ck me?"
In the past when I asked my wife about sex or intimacy her response was that since menopause she no longer had any sexual interest and that part of our life was over.
She doesn't care anything about my sexual feelings or needs or desires, which I have very strongly.
Now there is nothing left for me but resentment towards her. I will never ask her for sex again. I no longer have any sexual feelings or interest in her.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2016 13:58:59 GMT -5
Oh, I asked. And I got told about his health problems and his depression, mostly. (Yes, he also blamed "the cats want attention", "it's too late at night", etc. but I considered those to be bullshit excuses.)
So, I then focused on solving the problem: How can we make the health problems and depression go away (or least reduce them) - so they will no longer prevent sex?
None of the solutions were things I could do all by myself. He did not steadily or consistently do his part.
How long was I supposed to be patient?
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Post by RexCorvus on Oct 13, 2016 14:10:31 GMT -5
I am done asking for something that should be given freely.
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Post by bballgirl on Oct 13, 2016 14:18:54 GMT -5
Ha! I asked all the time. My personal fave of my own: -Scene- (Husband complaining about itchy eyes.) Me: You know what will fix that? H: No, what? Me: Fucking your wife. (The worst weekend of my life follows) -End scene- Truly, a little more aggressive and on the side of "funny" but still, arguably direct. I probably asked 100 times why. Direct, indirect, sideways, bending over with my ass in the air. I've even texted him asking if I could sleep with other people. Granted, this was AFTER point blank asking him for an open marriage. I don't think all of us have a problem saying what we mean. Maybe doing what we mean. Because the refuser has taken control of the relationship so we feel we need their agreement to do anything. We ask them for permission to sleep with other people. We ask them for a divorce. We ask them to go to counseling. Meanwhile they do anything they want because we're afraid if we get them mad we lose all hope of maybe getting an occasional crumb of bad sex. You can sleep with other people whether they agree or not. You can get a divorce whether they agree or not. You don't need their agreement. Because you know what? You don't need them. Exactly!! This times ten!! I outsourced- no guilt. I gave him so many opportunities to enjoy my sexuality but honestly he was not capable of it for twenty years. Why? I have no idea and once I stopped caring it was my turn to focus on my sexuality for once and that meant he is not in the equation. He didn't need to be because it would have only made him feel bad. Of course that opened my eyes to what mind blowing sex looks, sounds, feels and tastes like. So there was no going back. Permission? Fuck that! They have every opportunity to have a normal marriage with us and they choose not to. We choose not to by staying once all avenues have been exhausted to fix the marriage. |
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Post by csl on Oct 13, 2016 14:39:31 GMT -5
I don't need to ask my wife "Why won't you f*ck me?"
In the past when I asked my wife about sex or intimacy her response was that since menopause she no longer had any sexual interest and that part of our life was over.
She doesn't care anything about my sexual feelings or needs or desires, which I have very strongly.
Now there is nothing left for me but resentment towards her. I will never ask her for sex again. I no longer have any sexual feelings or interest in her.
Every time I hear another story of "That part of our life is over," I remember the guy who said, "Who's going to support you then, 'cause it sure as hell won't be me!" (There was a renegotiation in that particular instance.) I've never been a fan of unilateral decrees of celibacy. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2016 17:33:18 GMT -5
I don't need to ask my wife "Why won't you f*ck me?"
In the past when I asked my wife about sex or intimacy her response was that since menopause she no longer had any sexual interest and that part of our life was over.
She doesn't care anything about my sexual feelings or needs or desires, which I have very strongly.
Now there is nothing left for me but resentment towards her. I will never ask her for sex again. I no longer have any sexual feelings or interest in her.
Every time I hear another story of "That part of our life is over," I remember the guy who said, "Who's going to support you then, 'cause it sure as hell won't be me!" (There was a renegotiation in that particular instance.) I've never been a fan of unilateral decrees of celibacy. "That part of our life may be over but not that part of my life. Would you like to meet her or would you rather not know anything?" |
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Post by unmatched on Oct 13, 2016 18:32:57 GMT -5
I have been wrestling with this thread for 2 days, trying to figure out what is bothering me so much about it. And I think it is the core question, 'Why won't you fuck me?' It just feels so wrong. It really doesn't matter why they won't fuck you. What matters is that they don't WANT to. That in itself says that any kind of meaningful sex life is pretty much dead. If you are in the very early stages it may be resurrectable, but right now it is dead. Either your partner wants to be in a sexual relationship or they don't. Asking them to fuck you when they don't want to is like keeping a brain dead patient on life support.
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 13, 2016 18:59:27 GMT -5
Me too! My mind goes all over on this one. I am going to be a shitty communicator, perhaps someone can re-word it better.
I recall on a post a while back listing several of the excuses from a refuser, to not have sex. One of the funniest, yet annoying, was, " grandpa might hear us! " you mean grandpa with his hearing aids removed at night, who snores like a freight train, and talks in his sleep? Years and years of subtle rejections, and excuses, end the whole battle.
Yet I find myself thinking of a previous post, delving into the " why" question. How much does my spouse take the position of, " he is not worthy of my love, he has to earn it, continually!" Does this go back to her upbringing? Does it have to do with, being told to wait for marriage, the sacred gift? Does it have to do with dealing with someone who has a low self esteem, sexual image of themselves? Do they hold over your head the slightest imperfections, looking at other woman, talking to other woman, not making as much money as they do, all excuses to hide there own problems with there sexual inadequacy? Or is it just a typical controller who really was never that interested in sex and intimacy from the beginning? When you finally hear things like, " I could care less about it, or it really doesn't matter to me", it makes exiting a whole lot easier,and just giving up on all the why's!
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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2016 19:34:45 GMT -5
I have been wrestling with this thread for 2 days, trying to figure out what is bothering me so much about it. And I think it is the core question, 'Why won't you fuck me?' It just feels so wrong. It really doesn't matter why they won't fuck you. What matters is that they don't WANT to. That in itself says that any kind of meaningful sex life is pretty much dead. If you are in the very early stages it may be resurrectable, but right now it is dead. Either your partner wants to be in a sexual relationship or they don't. Asking them to fuck you when they don't want to is like keeping a brain dead patient on life support. Exactly. You may in rare cases be able to corner your spouse into having sex on a semi regular basis, but you can't make them like it. It will be, to your refusing spouse, the price of staying married. |
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Post by Isabellas39 on Oct 13, 2016 20:16:41 GMT -5
We come here, we shout and scream, we are the victims we have the evidence, we have EP and Dearabby. We talk and make suggestions but the one thing we don't do is question our spouses or hold them accountable. No on here says "why wont you fuck me" they will give you it's not the right time or they wouldn't understand or so many reasons.............. so tonight just ask the question " why wont you fuck me" and post your response In the beginning I asked this question many times...I have zero interest in asking again. |
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