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Post by GeekGoddess on Nov 4, 2016 8:58:00 GMT -5
GeekGoddess what we really want to know is whether that younger guy has come back and whether you are talking to him! I've been not following up because - well - he wasn't around in person for a long time after he was back in town and then I did see him at the sober Halloween party - and I bombed. Not rejected - but too spineless to spill the beans to him. I was tired, the music was way too rap & way too loud and....as I was walking away from the party to the car, he gave me a hug goodbye (and he holds ON in a way that....) - - and I left anyway, chalking it up to letting him get back to the group but --- it was really fear or lack of courage or....some thing that I don't like. I hope to see him this evening by chance at an event (a new Float Spa is opening and I'm attending the grand opening party and from what I gather he is pals with the owners - but I don't actually know if he'll be there). My disappointment (in myself) from the Halloween party has made me PLEDGE to myself that if given another chance at hugging him, I am not going to let go until he does. And - I've been practicing sweet nothings to say....I have no way of knowing whether he just always hugs everyone so sensually or if that detail is special just for me....and so I need to ask that question I think. But I don't know if I'll have the spine. Sometimes I feel like a kid when I really, really have a crush. It's a little embarassing - but I just accept it as a sign that this is TRUE vulnerability and so of course I'm just not that experienced at it - it will be uncomfortable and I need to just do it anyway. On another front - I have signed up for Tinder but I don't know much about it yet because I've only had it installed for a week. A variety of folks there but none THAT promising, somehow. Still - it's only been a week. |
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Post by becca on Nov 4, 2016 11:26:12 GMT -5
I may even intentionally dress "less cute" than my normal so as not to cause too much dissonance. Now, don't go hiding your light under a bushel! Dress cute. Be you. Just be straight up about the other. |
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Post by DryCreek on Nov 4, 2016 11:39:10 GMT -5
And - I've been practicing sweet nothings to say....I have no way of knowing whether he just always hugs everyone so sensually or if that detail is special just for me....and so I need to ask that question I think. "You give fantastic hugs! What else are you amazing at?" |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Nov 4, 2016 12:55:09 GMT -5
And - I've been practicing sweet nothings to say....I have no way of knowing whether he just always hugs everyone so sensually or if that detail is special just for me....and so I need to ask that question I think. "You give fantastic hugs! What else are you amazing at?" My thought was: do you hug everyone so sensually or is that special for me? I am not convinced I'll have the nerve but I really hope I do! |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Nov 4, 2016 13:20:30 GMT -5
"You give fantastic hugs! What else are you amazing at?" My thought was: do you hug everyone so sensually or is that special for me? I am not convinced I'll have the nerve but I really hope I do! Do it GG. All you'll be able to think of while mid embrace is us lot egging you on 😂Xx |
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Post by dancingbear70 on Nov 4, 2016 13:33:21 GMT -5
"You give fantastic hugs! What else are you amazing at?" My thought was: do you hug everyone so sensually or is that special for me? I am not convinced I'll have the nerve but I really hope I do! - Start with a statement mid-hug. Give him a chance to tell you. - I love your hugs. Can you tell by how long I hold on? - I always feel so warm and fuzzy after your hugs. How do you do that to me? - I hope I'm not holding on too long. How do you make your hugs so sexy? Then flirt away! |
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Post by unmatched on Nov 5, 2016 7:43:06 GMT -5
Sometimes I feel like a kid when I really, really have a crush. It's a little embarassing - but I just accept it as a sign that this is TRUE vulnerability and so of course I'm just not that experienced at it - it will be uncomfortable and I need to just do it anyway. Sometimes I wonder if this isn't what life is supposed to feel like. We just get so used to being 'in control' that we forget we really aren't. |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Nov 5, 2016 10:35:43 GMT -5
unmatched - my deepest sense of truth totally agrees with you. My insecurities object to it. I have to work on expressing my true self. It's not comfortable. I will keep working on it anyway. Like Pink says: you gotta get up and TRY.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2016 11:21:28 GMT -5
"You give fantastic hugs! What else are you amazing at?" My thought was: do you hug everyone so sensually or is that special for me? I am not convinced I'll have the nerve but I really hope I do! Maybe even shorter for more punch, and leave a little ambiguity to put the ball back in his court... Do you hug everyone like that? |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Nov 6, 2016 11:42:22 GMT -5
My thought was: do you hug everyone so sensually or is that special for me? I am not convinced I'll have the nerve but I really hope I do! Maybe even shorter for more punch, and leave a little ambiguity to put the ball back in his court... Do you hug everyone like that? I hate to report that I did see him Friday - at a meeting, not at the business opening I had hoped to - and so the hug I got was within earshot of too many others, and it wasn't a "long holding on" version - - it was like a normal, friendly one. And - - I chickened out. The positive aspects: He said "hey girlfriend" when approaching for the hug. And, he asked about my halloween costume - did I go anywhere else for Halloween itself - I said no - and he said, "well you sure looked good" AS he walked away from me. Oh lawdy - I may get my nerve up. I want to. But I don't know if I will. But I want to. I'm chalking it up to "still a work in progress" I have to admit that really - I have NOTHING to lose if I express myself and he rejects my advance. If I can just let that sink in, then maybe I can speak. I have so much "precious ego" involved in it. It's juvenile, in some way I think. I'm working on it. I like Phin's suggestion - brief & ambiguous. That feels like the right thing, and so will keep that in mind. (It had also just occurred to me to send him FB message asking if he knew what a big crush I had on him - - but I would rather do this in person, I'm nearly sure. I do "see" him on FB more often though - so that "access" feels tempting to not have to wait to see him in person b/c I never know when he'll be at my meeting group.) UGH - - can you hear the 17-year old me in all this suffering torture? I'll work on it. |
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Post by beachguy on Nov 6, 2016 11:48:50 GMT -5
GeekGoddess , I was never very good at meeting or picking up women. Getting refused is tough. It was a work in progress when I met my future wife. After 30 years of constant refusal I often feel like I'd rather jump from an airplane than get refused one more fucking time. Come to think of it I've probably jumped more times from an airplane, back in the day, then I ever got laid in my marriage but that's another story, lol
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2016 12:01:16 GMT -5
Maybe even shorter for more punch, and leave a little ambiguity to put the ball back in his court... Do you hug everyone like that? I hate to report that I did see him Friday - at a meeting, not at the business opening I had hoped to - and so the hug I got was within earshot of too many others, and it wasn't a "long holding on" version - - it was like a normal, friendly one. And - - I chickened out. The positive aspects: He said "hey girlfriend" when approaching for the hug. And, he asked about my halloween costume - did I go anywhere else for Halloween itself - I said no - and he said, "well you sure looked good" AS he walked away from me. Oh lawdy - I may get my nerve up. I want to. But I don't know if I will. But I want to. I'm chalking it up to "still a work in progress" I have to admit that really - I have NOTHING to lose if I express myself and he rejects my advance. If I can just let that sink in, then maybe I can speak. I have so much "precious ego" involved in it. It's juvenile, in some way I think. I'm working on it. I like Phin's suggestion - brief & ambiguous. That feels like the right thing, and so will keep that in mind. (It had also just occurred to me to send him FB message asking if he knew what a big crush I had on him - - but I would rather do this in person, I'm nearly sure. I do "see" him on FB more often though - so that "access" feels tempting to not have to wait to see him in person b/c I never know when he'll be at my meeting group.) UGH - - can you hear the 17-year old me in all this suffering torture? I'll work on it. Look at it as his loss if he rejects your advance. Nobody is worth anxiety. I mean yeah you worry about your kids and performing on the job, but with dating and relationships no one is worth it. You're giving them a chance, not hoping they'll give you a chance. I have a similar situation. A lady at work is strongly vibing me, and I'm quite attracted to her. I probably won't make a move because I'm in a good deal already, but I do have permission. If I did make a move my fear wouldn't be that I would feel unlovable or rejected, just that I'd feel like a fool for misreading her. We've hugged a few times too but not lingeringly (I hate adverbs). But if neither of us were in deals (she lives with someone too), I think I'd just ask her out. She works in another department so I wouldn't have to be embarrassed every day if she said no LOL. |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Nov 6, 2016 16:06:37 GMT -5
@phinheasgage - thank you for THIS: Nobody is worth anxiety.
I know this in my logic-brain far more than in my emotional arena.
I agree though and will try to integrate this from my brain to my heart.
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Post by unmatched on Nov 6, 2016 17:35:04 GMT -5
Maybe even shorter for more punch, and leave a little ambiguity to put the ball back in his court... Do you hug everyone like that? I hate to report that I did see him Friday - at a meeting, not at the business opening I had hoped to - and so the hug I got was within earshot of too many others, and it wasn't a "long holding on" version - - it was like a normal, friendly one. And - - I chickened out. The positive aspects: He said "hey girlfriend" when approaching for the hug. And, he asked about my halloween costume - did I go anywhere else for Halloween itself - I said no - and he said, "well you sure looked good" AS he walked away from me. Oh lawdy - I may get my nerve up. I want to. But I don't know if I will. But I want to. I'm chalking it up to "still a work in progress" I have to admit that really - I have NOTHING to lose if I express myself and he rejects my advance. If I can just let that sink in, then maybe I can speak. I have so much "precious ego" involved in it. It's juvenile, in some way I think. I'm working on it. I like Phin's suggestion - brief & ambiguous. That feels like the right thing, and so will keep that in mind. (It had also just occurred to me to send him FB message asking if he knew what a big crush I had on him - - but I would rather do this in person, I'm nearly sure. I do "see" him on FB more often though - so that "access" feels tempting to not have to wait to see him in person b/c I never know when he'll be at my meeting group.) UGH - - can you hear the 17-year old me in all this suffering torture? I'll work on it. By all means flirt with him on FB or by PM, but if you are going to say something direct it is MUCH better to do that in person. You could start to build some 'atmosphere' though. |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Nov 8, 2016 9:04:52 GMT -5
Update on neighbor and the pole dance expo - - NOT a date. I was so nervous to say to him but I DID - - I took the risk and told him that I didn't want to be unfair by lack of clarity - - that I am going on the outing with him because I wanted to see the show and not as a "romantic interest date" - and offered to pay the ticket price and/or was this ok? Embarrassed because I wasn't really that sure if he thought of this as a date or a friend outing or what. The risk was not worth the worry! He said if he was thinking of it as a romantic-interest date - that I would have known that by now. (I am consistently amazed nowadays when I interact with people who can express themselves - I am just not USED TO that yet!) Anyway - all good and we're going as friends but he said he is old school in that, if he is inviting someone then he pays for it and it's not a big deal.
I'm really looking forward to the athleticism and creativity of the show. And so relieved he didn't think of it as a date (for romance) and yet SO grateful I got the nerve up to take the risk by opening that conversation.
And so now - still meditating on getting my nerve up about the young masseuse so that if the universe presents another opportunity, I won't sell myself short by not speaking my truth, being me, sticking my neck out.
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