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Post by Deleted on Oct 11, 2016 13:35:09 GMT -5
Dan: Again: doesn't this make sense? Isn't this simpler than the current conundrum? If so, I will accept your write-in vote this November for "Ruler Of The World". Yes - I love your ideas about dating. If you can make them mandatory, you deserve to be Ruler of the World. (Can I get a cabinet position, ha ha?)
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Post by Deleted on Oct 11, 2016 13:42:59 GMT -5
Dan: .....women have it tough in dating, but so do men. I feel it is still the default expectation that men are principally the initiators. And: they can't always get it right. Come in "too hot" (being too forward) will turn some women off. Come in too slowly (NOT making concrete "I like you" gestures) will turn some women off. For me personally: if I make as many errors one way as the other, then I guess I figure I'm doing it "about right"! I'm beginning to feel like Goldilocks. Some guys move too fast. Some guys move too slow. Where are the ones who are "just right"? (Silly question, because "too fast" or "too slow" mean different things to different people. Even different things to me, depending on my state of mind. Why does it have to be such a moving target?!)
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Post by Dan on Oct 12, 2016 20:06:02 GMT -5
Yes - I love your ideas aout dating. So as not to hijack this thread (too late?) I started a separate one on the concept I'm kind of getting at: " parallel dating". If you can make them mandatory, you deserve to be Ruler of the World. (Can I get a cabinet position, ha ha?) Back on EP: I think you did nominate me for something like this... and I recall I did offer to appoint you undersecretary of something with lots of innuendo! |
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Post by DryCreek on Oct 13, 2016 2:05:12 GMT -5
I have no idea what Cabinet Position looks like, but it seems to be popular in the Oval Office...
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Post by GeekGoddess on Oct 13, 2016 6:23:05 GMT -5
I have no idea what Cabinet Position looks like, but it seems to be popular in the Oval Office... The first time Loverman saw my apartment, I was leaned over a counter with cabinets & .... uh ... anyway - cabinet position can be fun! |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Nov 3, 2016 11:38:45 GMT -5
The program fellow I wondered about has continued to ask me to various meetings but I've declined most of them. Today he asked again - about this weekend. I told him the one I usually spend Sat night at. Then he wrote back asking if he'd heard right, one time, that I wanted to see a pole dance show. Yes, that's right! I do want to - have wanted to for a while now.
He sent me the FB page for one coming up ($25 for VIP seats or $15 for gen admission). I said I was interested & went to my advising appt for school.
By the time I got out of that, he'd bought tickets. He used to work with some of the performers in this show & I'm quite excited about this outing. I know when, what the activity is, & what the tickets cost. THIS is a date (by my definition). This doesn't mean I want to kiss him though.
I think that's ok. Do others disagree? Are there opinions that say I shouldn't say "yes" b/c I know there is no way in hell that I'll be romantically interested?
Mostly I'm just curious. It won't change that I am going. Just wonder what others' take on it is.
(If I didn't have self-doubt, I may not know how to stay busy! LOL)
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Post by wewbwb on Nov 3, 2016 11:49:41 GMT -5
The program fellow I wondered about has continued to ask me to various meetings but I've declined most of them. Today he asked again - about this weekend. I told him the one I usually spend Sat night at. Then he wrote back asking if he'd heard right, one time, that I wanted to see a pole dance show. Yes, that's right! I do want to - have wanted to for a while now. He sent me the FB page for one coming up ($25 for VIP seats or $15 for gen admission). I said I was interested & went to my advising appt for school. By the time I got out of that, he'd bought tickets. He used to work with some of the performers in this show & I'm quite excited about this outing. I know when, what the activity is, & what the tickets cost. THIS is a date (by my definition). This doesn't mean I want to kiss him though. I think that's ok. Do others disagree? Are there opinions that say I shouldn't say "yes" b/c I know there is no way in hell that I'll be romantically interested? Mostly I'm just curious. It won't change that I am going. Just wonder what others' take on it is. (If I didn't have self-doubt, I may not know how to stay busy! LOL) I think that it would be "nice" if you clearly explained to him that there is NO romantic interest. (In my case, please use small words and please have dictionary near by) Honestly, I'd be confused by it. However, I am a little slow sometimes. |
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Post by becca on Nov 3, 2016 13:01:29 GMT -5
The program fellow I wondered about has continued to ask me to various meetings but I've declined most of them. Today he asked again - about this weekend. I told him the one I usually spend Sat night at. Then he wrote back asking if he'd heard right, one time, that I wanted to see a pole dance show. Yes, that's right! I do want to - have wanted to for a while now. He sent me the FB page for one coming up ($25 for VIP seats or $15 for gen admission). I said I was interested & went to my advising appt for school. By the time I got out of that, he'd bought tickets. He used to work with some of the performers in this show & I'm quite excited about this outing. I know when, what the activity is, & what the tickets cost. THIS is a date (by my definition). This doesn't mean I want to kiss him though. I think that's ok. Do others disagree? Are there opinions that say I shouldn't say "yes" b/c I know there is no way in hell that I'll be romantically interested? Mostly I'm just curious. It won't change that I am going. Just wonder what others' take on it is. (If I didn't have self-doubt, I may not know how to stay busy! LOL) It definitely sounds like a date to me. And I would assume, since he could have asked anyone to this, that he has romantic interests in you, even if it is just in the curiosity phase. First off, you most definitely shouldn't do anything you don't want to do up to and including a kiss. But I would try to be honest with him early on like maybe thank him for purchasing the ticket and offering to pay him for it. The more upfront you are about this being a friendship outing and not a hot date (you are watching a pole dancing show!) the less awkward it can be at the end of the evening when he may or may not try to make his move. And you can save the guy a little face. Just my thoughts. |
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Post by beachguy on Nov 3, 2016 14:01:03 GMT -5
This is a pole dancing show, with strippers? Isn't that kind of sexual? Isn't that sort of hinting you're very interested in things sexual? And by extension with him? I think it would have been better to accept a "date" to something more like a lecture on new theories of the Origen of the KT boundary, or some such thing. Being a self proclaimed geek, that might get your juices going just as much but this isn't about you, it's about him and his perceptions  |
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Post by beachguy on Nov 3, 2016 14:15:26 GMT -5
This is a pole dancing show, with strippers? Isn't that kind of sexual? Isn't that sort of hinting you're very interested in things sexual? And by extension with him? I think it would have been better to accept a "date" to something more like a lecture on new theories of the Origen of the KT boundary, or some such thing. Being a self proclaimed geek, that might get your juices going just as much but this isn't about you, it's about him and his perceptions P.s. I have no doubt it took him less than 30 seconds to get those tickets booked |
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Post by dancingbear70 on Nov 3, 2016 15:44:19 GMT -5
GeekGoddess - I would ask yourself one question. Are you open to the possibilities? If you aren't open, then don't go. Your saying yes says there is a chance, no matter how minuscule. If there is not even a 1% chance then you are not being genuine with the guy. You don't have to want to jump his bones right now. If you think you will enjoy his company, go! Let him woo you. Experience your dynamic in a different context. See how your feelings about him evolve. That's why we date!
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Post by DryCreek on Nov 3, 2016 15:45:18 GMT -5
GeekGoddess, I'm confused, and he will be too. The only pole dancing I'm familiar with is at strip clubs, and you don't buy tickets in advance with reserved seating. You take your fistful of money and find an open spot at the edge of the stage. Or... so I've heard. Even if the performance is milder, it's sure to be arousing; his expectations will not be platonic. Maybe not even close. At a minimum, I would insist on paying him for your ticket as a start to managing his expectations. And meet him there instead of having him pick you up.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Nov 3, 2016 16:14:27 GMT -5
There will be scantily clad but no stripping. It's an exposition really. However pasties & things are very small and so while it isn't at a strip club, it will surely be close.
I offered back in reply that I had been planning to suggest Dutch but since he already bought, I can buy dinner or pay him for the ticket.
I hug him hello/bye like I do most people at my meetings. He is not physically attractive enough & is too much a quiet understated sort FOR ME. I have declined numerous invites for meetings that "weren't my group" but when hit on this invite, I would really like seeing a show like this.
He is also a neighbor at the apartment complex. So - I will probably let him drive us because it just makes sense.
Given the replies, I will work on "what I should say" either before we go or at least EARLY in the conversation regarding platonic, friendly, not romantically interested, or whatever so that I don't have my actions setting false expectations for him.
I do appreciate that input.
I'll report back, too - for sure (it's not for 1.5 wks).
I may even intentionally dress "less cute" than my normal so as not to cause too much dissonance.
I knew I could on you friends to steer me right. Thank you!
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Post by beachguy on Nov 3, 2016 17:30:13 GMT -5
There will be scantily clad but no stripping. It's an exposition really. However pasties & things are very small and so while it isn't at a strip club, it will surely be close. I offered back in reply that I had been planning to suggest Dutch but since he already bought, I can buy dinner or pay him for the ticket. I hug him hello/bye like I do most people at my meetings. He is not physically attractive enough & is too much a quiet understated sort FOR ME. I have declined numerous invites for meetings that "weren't my group" but when hit on this invite, I would really like seeing a show like this. He is also a neighbor at the apartment complex. So - I will probably let him drive us because it just makes sense. Given the replies, I will work on "what I should say" either before we go or at least EARLY in the conversation regarding platonic, friendly, not romantically interested, or whatever so that I don't have my actions setting false expectations for him. I do appreciate that input. I'll report back, too - for sure (it's not for 1.5 wks). I may even intentionally dress "less cute" than my normal so as not to cause too much dissonance. I knew I could on you friends to steer me right. Thank you! This is one thread that definitely demands an update |
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Post by unmatched on Nov 3, 2016 20:41:52 GMT -5
GeekGoddess what we really want to know is whether that younger guy has come back and whether you are talking to him!
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