|
|
Post by Rhapsodee on Apr 26, 2016 10:04:31 GMT -5
The loneliness is excruciating.
|
|
|
|
Post by wewbwb on Apr 26, 2016 10:17:12 GMT -5
The loneliness is excruciating. My "boyfriend" is 2000 miles away, but even if he were here getting together would be an issue. I would never bring him into my home and I would never enter his. That would necessitate a hotel room and the chance that we'd be seen. The problem with being the bosses wife is that if I'm seen somewhere they say "Hey, I saw Dee...." My guy asks me why I don't take up with someone from my gym. I have a crush on a beautiful man from Nairobi. He likes me too but he is cautious because I'm married. I don't want to risk someone from my hubs company seeing me with him. Sigh. That is a difficult situation. If you are not looking to "get out" right now, don't force it. Let it happen on it's own because the "explosion" might be worse if it's forced. |
|
|
|
Post by wewbwb on Apr 26, 2016 10:20:53 GMT -5
Now I have to ask. I am not seeing loneliness here. I am seeing people that have not gotten what they hoped/expected to from their relationships. Romantics? Yup - see them here - I'm one of them.
I guess what I'm trying to say is it's less loneliness and more disappointment. We all seem to be saddened by our expectations being so far from what is happening to us that some of us may withdraw.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2016 15:21:02 GMT -5
Now I have to ask. I am not seeing loneliness here. I am seeing people that have not gotten what they hoped/expected to from their relationships. Romantics? Yup - see them here - I'm one of them. I guess what I'm trying to say is it's less loneliness and more disappointment. We all seem to be saddened by our expectations being so far from what is happening to us that some of us may withdraw. How can you say you don't see loneliness here when several of us have spoken of our loneliness. When you feel alienated and not wanted by your partner, you feel lonely...or some do. I'm out 11-months now, and I'm still lonely. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2016 15:25:50 GMT -5
In fact, I'm even more lonely because EP has gone. Those who say this site is better than EP, don't get it...probably because this was their main group. For the rest of us, we had other groups and other people not in a SM who were also in our circle. To me, EP was a lot more than the ILIASM group.
|
|
|
|
Post by Dan on Apr 28, 2016 7:00:39 GMT -5
After all the personal reflections/anecdotes on this thread, I've concluded that there is NOT the strong correlations that I had a hunch about. It sounds like there are several distinct dimensions/spectra, and they are pretty independent:
high libido <------> low libido
extrovert <------> introvert
not lonely <------> lonely
disappointed <------> not so disappointed (with one's state of or lack of romantic relationship)
Of course, I'd need to see a 4-D scatter chart and do the linear regression to find the correlation coefficients, but at this point I'd expect the values are smaller that I originally assumed.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 1, 2016 21:55:56 GMT -5
I never felt lonely in my SM, just frustrated. But I don't feel lonely in general. I'm a loner. I really shouldn't get married. Well it took years but my shrink finally drilled it into my head that I really do need people. So maybe I was lonely. This answer is no help whatsoever.
|
|
|
|
Post by ggold on May 2, 2016 20:10:45 GMT -5
I do feel intimately lonely. However, I am far from lonely. I am also an extrovert and I have many friends and acquaintances. I have deep friendships with a handful of girlfriends and honestly, we never have enough time to get together as much as we would like but we sincerely love each other like family and know everything about one another (we've all been friends since we were 9). My friends are one of the things in my life that is absolutely beautiful. I cherish them and even my friends that are not as deep - well, I just really enjoy people and always have. I find each person interesting in their own way and I love figuring them out and being a part of their lives too. The harsh reality of my situation now is the juxtaposition of being loved by my friends but feeling unlovable by my husband at home. So - while I have to face the fact that getting divorced most certainly means that I may be alone for the rest of my life and I have to be good with that - keeping and maintaining my friendships is very helpful in getting me through it. I cannot imagine how some of you introverted types handles this without the support system in place. I find your strength in leaving awe-inspiring. I feel the same. I have a wonderful group of friends and my family is amazing. In my marriage, I am lonely as hell. |
|
|
|
Post by solodriver on Aug 15, 2016 22:36:01 GMT -5
The loneliness can sometime be overwhelming. When I'm at home, work or other places I sometimes think about how much I want to love and be made love to and it just hurts all the time.
|
|
|
|
Post by cagedadventurer on Aug 20, 2016 22:08:48 GMT -5
Perhaps it is because 1+1=3. That is, their spouses are lending strength and boosting confidence, enabling them to be better people and lead a low-worry life. In contrast to sapping energy, fueling worry, and being an emotional distraction. Exactly. Even now, I wonder how I'd be different if I had my basic human needs met for love, affection, touch, and emotional support and encouragement. Without it, we are like withered plants parched from lack of water and nourishment, only for us, it's nourishment of the soul. Well said carissimi and DryCreek! I have been thinking just this week that I'm not even sure who I am anymore, All the dreams and ambitions smothered under criticisms. I always felt as early as 13 that I was destined for some great things, to make real differences. But as stated here, the lack of encouragement and emotional sapping has taken its toll. I think back at how she has ridiculed reading, learning, trying to move ahead by studying something new. I am thinking of getting a life coach to help me get back on track. To even say this , I feel weak like I should not need someone else, but for all that I am capable of, I'm trapped and not sure how to escape this mundane way of going along. SO much I want to see and experience! It's time! I have more but my battery is at 5%. |
|
|
|
Post by unmatched on Aug 20, 2016 22:43:24 GMT -5
Exactly. Even now, I wonder how I'd be different if I had my basic human needs met for love, affection, touch, and emotional support and encouragement. Without it, we are like withered plants parched from lack of water and nourishment, only for us, it's nourishment of the soul. Well said carissimi and DryCreek! I have been thinking just this week that I'm not even sure who I am anymore, All the dreams and ambitions smothered under criticisms. I always felt as early as 13 that I was destined for some great things, to make real differences. But as stated here, the lack of encouragement and emotional sapping has taken its toll. I think back at how she has ridiculed reading, learning, trying to move ahead by studying something new. I am thinking of getting a life coach to help me get back on track. To even say this , I feel weak like I should not need someone else, but for all that I am capable of, I'm trapped and not sure how to escape this mundane way of going along. SO much I want to see and experience! It's time! I have more but my battery is at 5%. My experience has been that I can be pretty happy on my own, I have lived on my own at various points in my life and quite enjoyed it. What I find much harder is living with someone else and not getting the intimacy that I want. It is like living with somebody else switches on the part of me that wants to bond with somebody else, and then I am constantly aware of not having the bonding that I am looking for. I think that is what makes me feel so needy. |
|
|
|
Post by wewbwb on Aug 21, 2016 6:10:22 GMT -5
I understand this all too well. It's a difficult thing to go through.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2016 21:43:48 GMT -5
I am just sexually lonely and that's hard to deal with. But I never feel lonely in other ways I have a big family, lots of friends and I work closely with all sorts of creative people ever day.
|
|
