Dating - take what you can get?

worksforme2, for whatever reason, I felt like this relationship was progressing faster than I was ready for.

I do like this man. I have some doubts about whether we are physically compatible; but if I got to know him more slowly, over a longer period of time, I might begin to want him in my life enough to figure out ways to make the physical side of things work.

The problem here is that I feel rushed and overwhelmed. I'm sensing a lot of hunger in this man. Whether it's for sex only or if he has some emotional hunger as well, I can't know for sure. But I feel like he wants an awful lot from me in some way.

I can't fill up whatever emptiness he has inside himself. I tried to get him to talk about his divorce and his recent past, but he would not open up. I have no idea what his ex was like, or the circumstances of their breakup. I don't need (or want) every little detail. But no information at all?

In the end, I took baza 's advice and listened to my gut. My gut was telling me things were getting too intense too fast, and I felt like a small fish getting swallowed up by a larger fish. So, I put on the brakes.

If he wants to continue seeing me, I would do it only if we can build things up more slowly.

This is just where I'm at right now, with this particular man. I do not react to all men the same way. They aren't interchangeable parts.

SmartKat, you say you're not sure whether it's physical or emotional hunger, but it makes you uncomfortable. Listen to yourself, because you have amazing instincts!

If it's emotional hunger: I usually take neediness for a red flag, and I've never been wrong. Every time I've ignored my instincts about needy types because I thought I was being too hard on the guy, I've ended up in a messy, protracted split with hard feelings on both sides. You don't like to hurt people, so if this is a needy guy, you're going to find this an emotionally draining experience.

Physical hunger usually shows itself for what it is - dude just wants sex from me. Nothing wrong with that, but if you're looking for something more (from someone, not necessarily him), he'll sense it and move on when you become inconvenient - probably none too kindly. I had that happen to me, and while I knew the whole time it was just for sex (and it was some pretty good sex), the way the guy ended it was just not pleasant. We'd been sleeping together every weekend for three months, and he dumped me via email with, "I enjoy sex with you, but the emotional passion just isn't there for me when I'm with you." Totally unnecessary for him to say that - I understood, but it was just tone deaf.

Trust yourself. The point of online dating is to cast a wide, wide net and throw almost everything back. Maybe everything.

That being "friendzoned" is failure.  That it happens through a lack of confidence. 
That is the part I disagree with.
Thus my post.
Friends make the best lovers.
They understand us and our flaws and out desires. They support you, have your best interests at heart and don't pass judgements .

If you can't have a friendship with someone, how are you going to have a relationship that lasts?

One more thought for you, @smartkat :

Apparently, one of the things you need some practice at: being honest with yourself and the guy you've just met about how YOU feel about the relationship.

"Not wanting to hurt his feelings" is NOT a sound basis for staying in a relationship!  So, practice your "sorry, not so interested" speech/email/whatever... then practice in on him.

"Fail fast, fail often:" you should be cycling through prospects as fast as bballgirl ...

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Sudden, unexpected realization: "not wanting to hurt my wife's feelings" is definitely slowing me down from telling her "I want a divorce".  (There are other factors why I actually prefer to wait another two years or so, but boy do I dread The Talk.)  Ugh.  Maybe I should listen to my own advice!