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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 3, 2016 15:27:38 GMT -5
Our tenancy agreement is up on 1Nov. Had an email from the landlord asking will we be wanting to stay on here and if so how long would we like the tenancy to be for. I'm my head, this is a great opportunity. Tell him it's over when tenancy is up, move in with mother round the corner, save some pennies and get a nice 3 bed apartment for me and the lads. I planned to go speak to mother about this today as she has been wanting me to leave him for years. My mother, who has been very vocal about what a waste of space the man is etc etc, is all mouth and no trousers. When I mentioned that this could be my opportunity to escape, she looked at me as though I'd just pissed in her coffee. She couldn't see how this could be an opportunity. I wanted to shake her and ask can I come home. Please. Just for a short while? But she just changed the subject. Use this ^ as what to wright her! clean it up a bit. Try a two sided approach. 1) go for her sympathy, tell her you really nead her support right now, and the children do too. 2) take a business approach. Negotiate an agreement. Perhaps a monthly rental lease? Strong on the words " temporary". just stabbing in the dark here, do this for everyone, you, mom, the children, and believe it or not that other homo-sapien! You can do this! |
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Post by DryCreek on Sept 3, 2016 17:45:23 GMT -5
eternaloptimism... I get it. Family dynamics are often weird. Everyone on both sides of my family has a different set of issues, as do we. The devil's in the details, as they say. Gather your thoughts in notes and figure out options for tackling each of those obstacles. Sometimes it not so daunting when it's on paper instead of swimming 'round in your head.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Sept 3, 2016 18:09:32 GMT -5
DryCreek I agree. I need me a shit hot Venn diagram/ pie chart/ spreadsheet to encompass the whole bloody shebang and sort this shit right out in my head. Crystal clear, concise, simple. I will find my answers. Thank you xx
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Post by Deleted on Sept 3, 2016 18:14:31 GMT -5
Fuck talk. Just act.
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Post by bballgirl on Sept 3, 2016 18:29:22 GMT -5
I agree. Have a plan A and a plan B then execute! |
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Post by DryCreek on Sept 3, 2016 18:32:19 GMT -5
EO: "Hey, STBX... FYI, our lease is up at the end of next month. I've turned in our notice."
STBX: "Huh?"
EO: "The kids and I are moving in with my mom. You should probably find a place of your own too, but that's not really my problem. Here's the newspaper."
STBX: [Takes a long drag, holds it, exhales slowly.] "Bummer. Whatever..."
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Post by cagedtiger on Sept 3, 2016 20:06:29 GMT -5
EO: "Hey, STBX... FYI, our lease is up at the end of next month. I've turned in our notice." STBX: "Huh?" EO: "The kids and I are moving in with my mom. You should probably find a place of your own too, but that's not really my problem. Here's the newspaper." STBX: [Takes a long drag, holds it, exhales slowly.] "Bummer. Whatever..." From the story Miss eternaloptimism told about the last time she broke it off, it was a bit more violent than that... |
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Post by baza on Sept 3, 2016 20:37:42 GMT -5
This is "general" Sister EO, not specific to you.
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Once you have your legal advice, and start putting your exit strategy together, the plan needs to be do-able by YOU.
If the plan is reliant on other people, then you have a glaring weakness in your exit strategy, as other people may not come through, and if that happens, down the chute the plan goes.
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If there are other factors in play - like the potential for violence as has happened before - then the exit strategy would need to address whether you would want your spouse to even know where you have moved to.
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It is probably a good thing that this plan you had has stalled pretty early, it sure did seem to have some big holes in it that need revision.
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I think the "good news" here, is that you are no worse off than you were a week ago.
It is not as if you got the initial part of your exit strategy underway and had it collapsed under you. That can put you backwards by months.
Rather, it points to the necessity to radically revise your strategy.
Maybe by going back to the start, your legal advice, and seeing how your lawyer recommends you might go about this.
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Try not to get too down on yourself at this time, you truly are no worse off than you were a week ago, so you haven't really lost anything here.
In fact you are actually better off, in as much as you know that one particular theory - involving your Mum in the situation - probably is not a viable alternative.
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Post by DryCreek on Sept 3, 2016 22:11:05 GMT -5
From the story Miss eternaloptimism told about the last time she broke it off, it was a bit more violent than that... Ah, that's a different matter then. Not stereotypical behavior for an MJ aficionado... That lease renewal though does make for a pretty solid decision point. Opportunity, yes, but deadlines are rough. At least it's not the end of this month. That'd be a bit much to tackle in short order. |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Sept 4, 2016 2:25:11 GMT -5
In the cold light of morning, and with no hangover thankfully, i think I'll ask for another 6 months on the lease.
I will have the option to extend or release myself from it then and it will give me that bit more time to get organised.
I'm gonna get me a plan on action. I have avoided seriously looking at the legal side so maybe this is what needs to happen now.
It'll be ok won't it?
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Post by baza on Sept 4, 2016 2:33:13 GMT -5
Sure. In the longer run, it will be ok.
But I won't bullshit you, short term it is going to be a real fucker.
But it CAN be done, HAS been done, and WILL be done by people no smarter or braver than you or I or anyone else.
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And, starting with seeing a lawyer is a good idea.
It gets you information, but commits you to exactly nothing.
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Post by DryCreek on Sept 4, 2016 2:46:30 GMT -5
I'd suggest that extending the lease doesn't mean extending him. But terminating the lease puts a rather hard deadline and lumps together several life-changing events.
Better to see him out first, without uprooting the rest of your world at the same time. Getting him to leave the shared home won't be easy; some do, others are obstinate. Is it possible to sign the new lease in only your name, so if he moves out it can be argued there is no right to re-entry?
Which is why so many refused choose to leave themselves. Because it's the only change they can control.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Sept 4, 2016 3:18:59 GMT -5
Thanks chaps. I love how sensible you are. He is obstinate. And will be tricky to shift, hence why the lease ending would be a firm reason for him to find somewhere else, but equally you are right in that just because I extend he lease I don't have to extend him. This shall be pondered heavily in my mind. Off for a run... Always good thinking time  |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Sept 4, 2016 5:47:52 GMT -5
Had a daaaaahling run and yoga sesh. My head and my body feel bloody fabulous.
Just tried to have some gentle chats with him about the state of our relationship. Very basic stuff about food and cooking actually, and a little about interests.
He has decided that silence in answer to my questions, comments, and any attempts to open any kind of relationship or future type discussion is his best option. Fucks sake.
He literally acts like I didn't say anything.
Durr.
You think he's beginning to realise the end is nigh?
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Post by cagedtiger on Sept 4, 2016 6:07:28 GMT -5
Had a daaaaahling run and yoga sesh. My head and my body feel bloody fabulous. Just tried to have some gentle chats with him about the state of our relationship. Very basic stuff about food and cooking actually, and a little about interests. He has decided that silence in answer to my questions, comments, and any attempts to open any kind of relationship or future type discussion is his best option. Fucks sake. He literally acts like I didn't say anything. Durr. You think he's beginning to realise the end is nigh? My roommate has been doing a lot of that as of late, and i think it's for the want reason. Realizing it's ending. So better to stay silent and keep the head in the sand than to say anything and risk facing that reality. |
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