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Post by eternaloptimism on Sept 3, 2016 11:41:36 GMT -5
I did have the little one with me. But he was busy in another room. She did say to come and talk to her again when he's not with me but fuck. I just dry up when I have to ask for something. I just can't speak up for myself. I think about just running away a lot. Leaving the kids even. People will probably judge me harshly for that. But I do think about it. But I know I could never do that. That would be the kids lives fucked forever. I just feel like I'm living someone else's life. It's certainly not the one I want. Hugs!!!! I had a talk with my mom a few months ago. She knows my situation and lived in a miserable marriage herself with my dad. Her advice to me was to stay and sacrifice my happiness as she did. She feels that my kids need the "stability" of the home life with both parents. She told me she wants me to be happy BUT feels my kids will suffer greatly if we split up. Needless to say, I cannot speak to her about this anymore. I CANNOT sacrifice my happiness as she did. You know where it got her?  Well, she has chronic illness (pain, heart attack, anxiety), she is miserable from the pain, she is angry and bitter. (She'll never admit that any of this has to do with they way she lived her life. She'll never admit she had a part in my father's decision to find AP's.) I don't want to slam my mom. She is a beautiful woman and has an amazing, giving spirit. She lived a horrible life as a child with alcoholic parents. She did the best she could with us kids and thought that she was doing the right things at the time. That I understand and I love her for it. I just wish she would have learned from this and want better for me. Not to have me repeat her cycle. I Do NOT want to end up chronically ill, bitter, angry, etc. because I didn't have the courage to move forward...the courage to say fuck this and do what I know inside of my heart is the best for my kids and me. I am not there yet...but I am moving in the right direction and have goals set. All of this is hard sweetie!! Try and go back to your mom and talk to her. I like the idea of writing it to her. I've written many notes/letters to my husband about my feelings. If you feel in your heart this is the opportunity for you, then do all you can to move in that direction. We are here for you my dear!! Thinking of you and sending you positive vibes!!! xoxoxoxo G [ Thank you beautiful. I'm so sorry you can't talk to your Mum about all this too. How can she not see? I'm really starting to believe that this world IS fucked up. Big time. Even through my rose tinted glasses! Loads of love to you xxxxx |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Sept 3, 2016 11:46:01 GMT -5
I just sitting here like a pleb really aren't I.
I want things to change. But I'm too shit scared to actually DO anything about it.
How can I give anyone any advice on here! Double standard dick head I am.
Ok.
I need to get my head on straight. And act.
Come on me. I can do it!
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Post by bballgirl on Sept 3, 2016 11:52:33 GMT -5
eternaloptimism - you have got this!! Be strong and just say the words to your mom. They are just words. You give good advice and you are a caring person now care about yourself! You deserve it!!
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Post by eternaloptimism on Sept 3, 2016 12:01:37 GMT -5
You'll get me blubbing again bballgirl! Xxxxx |
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Post by bballgirl on Sept 3, 2016 12:23:37 GMT -5
You'll get me blubbing again bballgirl! Xxxxx That's ok honey. You cry and cry until you have nothing left. Until you no longer care about anything or anyone more than yourself. Because the refuser has sucked the life out of you and you have nothing left for him. So all you want is to walk that gauntlet and do the hard work and it's hard but it's worth it and your happiness is worth it! So cry it out then call your mom and say your peace. Hugs xoxo |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Sept 3, 2016 12:28:20 GMT -5
You'll get me blubbing again bballgirl! Xxxxx That's ok honey. You cry and cry until you have nothing left. Until you no longer care about anything or anyone more than yourself. Because the refuser has sucked the life out of you and you have nothing left for him. So all you want is to walk that gauntlet and do the hard work and it's hard but it's worth it and your happiness is worth it! So cry it out then call your mom and say your peace. Hugs xoxo Ill give it a go.... Now where's that vodka  |
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Post by bballgirl on Sept 3, 2016 12:32:57 GMT -5
That's ok honey. You cry and cry until you have nothing left. Until you no longer care about anything or anyone more than yourself. Because the refuser has sucked the life out of you and you have nothing left for him. So all you want is to walk that gauntlet and do the hard work and it's hard but it's worth it and your happiness is worth it! So cry it out then call your mom and say your peace. Hugs xoxo Ill give it a go.... Now where's that vodka Don't forget the straw then do it for your future! Xoxo |
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Post by warmways on Sept 3, 2016 12:34:25 GMT -5
You've been suffering for so long that of course it's hard to say what you're thinking when you have so much to say and you're probably flooded with all kinds of emotions. We're all on your side, eo, and you can do this. Don't be angry at yourself, instead keep saying as much as you can to your mother and to your friends and on here and you're be more and more able to say what you need to. Good luck!!  |
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Post by solodriver on Sept 3, 2016 12:54:38 GMT -5
eternaloptimism You are a wonderful person! Your humour is magic(spelled like that just for you)! Everyone loves you! You are pure barry! (is that English or Scottish?) I want to give you a gigantic Bear hug from Southern California! XOXOXOXO And a gigantic HUG from me as well, you're a very wonderful woman! |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Sept 3, 2016 13:27:22 GMT -5
Warm fuzziness is descending on me thanks to you guys.
And I haven't even cracked the voddy open yet.
Love you lot xxxx
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Post by solodriver on Sept 3, 2016 13:57:01 GMT -5
Warm fuzziness is descending on me thanks to you guys. And I haven't even cracked the voddy open yet. Love you lot xxxx I'm glad to be able to return some of the love and care you've shared with me in my times of feeling down.
Warm, long HUGS!
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Post by DryCreek on Sept 3, 2016 14:12:08 GMT -5
eternaloptimism, here's a thought to ease the difficulty... Explain your situation. More specifically, why you need to get out, why it needs to happen now, and the obstacles to getting on your feet independently (can't afford X, Y right now). Outline what needs to happen to overcome those hurdles (saving enough to restart; how long that'll take). Share your thoughts on how to overcome the hurdles. Like moving in with Mom to save enough for X and Y. But leave the door open for her to propose other ideas. Maybe she will have a few that you haven't considered. Maybe she's suddenly in a position to help differently. If she's really resistant to the idea, it would be good to understand if it's because she doesn't think you should leave, or she isn't excited about the idea of adding to her household. Hugs, DC
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Post by eternaloptimism on Sept 3, 2016 15:06:25 GMT -5
Warm fuzziness is descending on me thanks to you guys. And I haven't even cracked the voddy open yet. Love you lot xxxx I'm glad to be able to return some of the love and care you've shared with me in my times of feeling down.
Warm, long HUGS!
I love warm long ones |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Sept 3, 2016 15:14:31 GMT -5
eternaloptimism, here's a thought to ease the difficulty... Explain your situation. More specifically, why you need to get out, why it needs to happen now, and the obstacles to getting on your feet independently (can't afford X, Y right now). Outline what needs to happen to overcome those hurdles (saving enough to restart; how long that'll take). Share your thoughts on how to overcome the hurdles. Like moving in with Mom to save enough for X and Y. But leave the door open for her to propose other ideas. Maybe she will have a few that you haven't considered. Maybe she's suddenly in a position to help differently. If she's really resistant to the idea, it would be good to understand if it's because she doesn't think you should leave, or she isn't excited about the idea of adding to her household. Hugs, DC Thanks DC. The thing is, she's a bit nuts! I mean, she always talks the talk but never follows through. She is comfortable financially. I've started repaying her early his year for all the times she has got us out of a hole with the mans poor work history and when he was home for years waiting for a back op. She tells me she won't lend us any more money. I don't blame her. She says if it was just me and the kids it would be different. But she doesn't seem to want to help me make that a reality. I would never ask her for money ever again because she holds it over me. She knows how particular I am about paying my dues so has no reason to repeatedly bring it up but continues to do so anyway. I have lent people money so many times in the past.... Many times to have it left unpaid. But I would never lend anyone anything with the intention of holding them ransom about it. If I couldnt afford to write it off I wouldn't lend it in the first place. I'm not sure how I'm actually related to her tbh. And living with her is actually one of my worst nightmares but I'd do it and I'd do it with grace if it was my means to an end. She confuses me. There are many more aspects to Mother. Come back Dad! |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Sept 3, 2016 15:18:52 GMT -5
You know what, fuck it. I can't rely on her. Or anyone else for that matter
I can do this with or without her or any one else helping me.
Well. Maybe the bank. They've seen us through this month while that knob decided not to work.
His old boss hasn't paid him the little bit he was due and he won't be paid for a month from this new job.
That other career my outsourcer got me thinking off the other day when he said he'd pay suddenly becomes more attractive! 2 birds and one stone and all that!
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Well, she has chronic illness (pain, heart attack, anxiety), she is miserable from the pain, she is angry and bitter. (She'll never admit that any of this has to do with they way she lived her life. She'll never admit she had a part in my father's decision to find AP's.) I don't want to slam my mom. She is a beautiful woman and has an amazing, giving spirit. She lived a horrible life as a child with alcoholic parents. She did the best she could with us kids and thought that she was doing the right things at the time. That I understand and I love her for it. I just wish she would have learned from this and want better for me. Not to have me repeat her cycle. I Do NOT want to end up chronically ill, bitter, angry, etc. because I didn't have the courage to move forward...the courage to say fuck this and do what I know inside of my heart is the best for my kids and me. I am not there yet...but I am moving in the right direction and have goals set. 
