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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 7, 2017 11:52:22 GMT -5
What kind of response, if any are you expecting? A bunch of B.S. about " The car is in your name ,so you need to pay for it". Along with "You have all that money you took from our joint account". (which has been depleted due to my spending on daily household/ family living expenses for 10 months) Or worse comes the denial, "that's not my problem, it's not my concern". |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 7, 2017 11:58:30 GMT -5
My friend I wish you good luck and sorry you're having to go through this BS. It really takes a toll on a person. My divorce cost me 40k in lawyer fees on just my side and drawn out for 2 years. I stayed on the stand for 5 solid days. Just stay strong, know it will eventual come to an end and you will survive:) My lesson in that divorce..... i required a prenup in my next marriage, and after this marriage I'll NEVER marry again. Pretty much checked men ( no offense) off my list. P.S. I must add that he and I are very good friends now. I had to forgive him after what he put me through, just to find peace in my heart. I remember your words of comfort and wisdom going back to my first days on EP! (I can't get to my original post, but I do have it in writing. (It was all about my miserable re-set weekend, and all my W's tipping point actions and words) I am anxious, happy, scared, and hopeful for you, (all at the same time) as you move forward with finding your joy! |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 9, 2017 7:22:21 GMT -5
My teen son is finally out of bed! (I remember those summer days!) It turns out he called his mom to come jump start the car last night. So she is fully aware of the situation. I am laying low until things further progress. My STBX is the queen of emails texts, phone messages, so it's interesting that there's been no communication, so far. my plan is to send her an email saying, "the corolla is broken, it's at one of the parks, could you please get it fixed?" And leave it at that. I have gone through this before with the last car repair,so I decided I could send a brief question to my attorney about it. my attorney responded with, "Ask your son to text his mom, telling her the car is still at the park, and will she please get it fixed". My son agreed to that, and now we wait. I'm thinking of having all three of my sons do the same thing,(send her a text) since they use that car to. It really spells out how much she does not want to spend a penny on anyone but herself. She's not an extravagant spender ,instead it's all being put away in investments and the bank. There really is a double standard going on. My older boys did not have these issues. When I had more control of the finances, needs where met,and people where provided for. No one was hurting. Now, comes this, "oh well, I'm not paying for it attitude" thrust upon the younger ones. It's just not fair, it's not right, and doesn't need to be. My teens are seeing all this crap too. Maybe there's GOOD in it. Maybe they will learn, "I am not going to be like that".......maybe? |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 10, 2017 9:16:50 GMT -5
The entire car fiasco just gets crazier by the day!
My STBX involved her attorney. She tried to play the " Don't use the children to communicate" card, when she was guilty as h___ about it herself from the beginning.
Another DARVO.
Deny :Not my responsibility.
Argue: The car is in your name.
Reverse: You need to communicate with me, and not involve the children. (Even though I haven't told you anything about it yet)
Victim: I am not responsible for anything, (total denial that she is responsible for 100% of the household/living expenses)
Offender: How dare you use our innocent child (soon to be a 19 yr old adult) against me!
I now understand my attorneys logic to have my son text his mom, telling her to get the car fixed. My wife was already instructed by her own attorney, to work this out by communicating with her 19 year old son about "his" car. Her attorney told mine that they don't get involved in such matters.
my wife sent an email to my attorney. My attorney fired back at her and her attorney saying " your attorney (my wife's) told you to text your "child" . Please tell your client (my wife) that I do not represent her, and legally can not respond to her".
Meanwhile the car still sits.
How I wish I had a relative or a friend to go crash with for 3 days tying up one of our cars and leaving my STBX home to deal with all the fall out.
My attorney also informed me, there will be no deposition. Instead the two attorneys agreed to a mediation on June 25th. I was speachless when I heard this. I will have a planning meeting with my attorney before this to get my questions, and fears settled, hopefully. Apparently both attorneys agreed to this. I was told that it will save more money. I am at the point where getting what is justifiably mine(more money, control, power) is more important than right now saving a little money.
My STBX also refused to meet for mediation at my attorneys office and wants to meet at the mediators office. WTF?!!
The're minutes away from each other! It doesn't change a thing, or influence anything...it probably costs more, more of OUR money.
Just more examples of dealing with a Narc!
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Post by DryCreek on Jun 10, 2017 12:09:28 GMT -5
greatcoastal, some people will cut off their nose to spite their own face. Your W is a good example. I still say you should hire the forensic accountant to both dig for the facts and advise you in the financial side of negotiations. At the amounts of money involved here, they could easily uncover more than enough to cover the cost. Your finances are far too intricate for a lawyer to reconcile, and your W will benefit from anything that gets overlooked - she has all the money and knowledge, and you only get what you can identify. Then there is the tax implications of all the things that get split up. Retirement funds and bank accounts are not the same in this regard. And if you end up with a rental property where the basis has been heavily depreciated, you'll get killed with taxes when you sell while an identical property might not. You need a sharp accountant / and tax advisor. There is far more to this than subpoenaing a list of bank accounts.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 10, 2017 12:19:06 GMT -5
Well, well...my know it all, must be in control, STBX (once again) doesn't know everything. I had a hunch that the car might start. Sure enough , it cranked right up. It's parked at home now. I also have my stbx's emails to my attorney where she says the car is in my name so she is not responsible for fixing it. I have taken all the keys from my teens and explained to them not to drive it.
My attorney and I need to meet Mon. to discuss things anyways, well see what happens with the car.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 15, 2017 11:35:07 GMT -5
I took the car to the mechanic today.( the W. does not know this) The battery needed water, their was corrosion on the cable, the battery is old. A pretty simple fix. I plan on taking care of it myself....when the time comes.
However....what a useful tool! My sons are still asking me, "is the car working yet?", and my W's lame excuse of "my attorney said the car is in your dads name so it's your dads responsibility".
Ironically she did a complete 180 when the other car (the truck in her name) broke down, and had her attorney claim "that I have enough money from our joint account that I had removed half of". Another double standard.
It's a mirror reflection of our marriage. Her "not my problem" reaction when things involve everyone else. Responsibility? whats that? As long as it doesn't affect me, and if it means spending money, or giving of myself.....forget it!
It makes me wonder why the adopted children, and the homeschool? It's beginning to look like nothing but a big tax rite off. (no joke)
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 15, 2017 11:38:47 GMT -5
I took the car to the mechanic today.( the W. does not know this) The battery needed water, their was corrosion on the cable, the battery is old. A pretty simple fix. I plan on taking care of it myself....when the time comes. However....what a useful tool! My sons are still asking me, "is the car working yet?", and my W's lame excuse of "my attorney said the car is in your dads name so it's your dads responsibility". Ironically she did a complete 180 when the other car (the truck in her name) broke down, and had her attorney claim "that I have enough money from our joint account that I had removed half of". Another double standard. It's a mirror reflection of our marriage. Her "not my problem" reaction when things involve everyone else. Responsibility? whats that? As long as it doesn't affect me, and if it means spending money, or giving of myself.....forget it! It makes me wonder why the adopted children, and the homeschool? It's beginning to look like nothing but a big tax rite off. (no joke) Take the battery out of her car and put it in your son's car. Save your money and MAKE IT her problem. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 15, 2017 12:43:58 GMT -5
I took the car to the mechanic today.( the W. does not know this) The battery needed water, their was corrosion on the cable, the battery is old. A pretty simple fix. I plan on taking care of it myself....when the time comes. However....what a useful tool! My sons are still asking me, "is the car working yet?", and my W's lame excuse of "my attorney said the car is in your dads name so it's your dads responsibility". Ironically she did a complete 180 when the other car (the truck in her name) broke down, and had her attorney claim "that I have enough money from our joint account that I had removed half of". Another double standard. It's a mirror reflection of our marriage. Her "not my problem" reaction when things involve everyone else. Responsibility? whats that? As long as it doesn't affect me, and if it means spending money, or giving of myself.....forget it! It makes me wonder why the adopted children, and the homeschool? It's beginning to look like nothing but a big tax rite off. (no joke) Take the battery out of her car and put it in your son's car. Save your money and MAKE IT her problem. A Grinchy grin! I love the way your "fowl" mind works" said Jaffar. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 27, 2017 15:15:36 GMT -5
I took the car to the mechanic today.( the W. does not know this) The battery needed water, their was corrosion on the cable, the battery is old. A pretty simple fix. I plan on taking care of it myself....when the time comes. However....what a useful tool! My sons are still asking me, "is the car working yet?", and my W's lame excuse of "my attorney said the car is in your dads name so it's your dads responsibility". Ironically she did a complete 180 when the other car (the truck in her name) broke down, and had her attorney claim "that I have enough money from our joint account that I had removed half of". Another double standard. It's a mirror reflection of our marriage. Her "not my problem" reaction when things involve everyone else. Responsibility? whats that? As long as it doesn't affect me, and if it means spending money, or giving of myself.....forget it! It makes me wonder why the adopted children, and the homeschool? It's beginning to look like nothing but a big tax rite off. (no joke) Take the battery out of her car and put it in your son's car. Save your money and MAKE IT her problem. I went and bought the cheapest battery possible. I collected enough cash from all three of my sons, to make a statement, to prove a point. That they had to pay for it. Their mother refused to cooperate when it comes to control. Especially money. I told them I will keep it in a safe place and refund their money, after the divorce. We are still running out of vehicles at our house. Except for my W. Only she drives her car. I stay home day after day so my sons can have transportation. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 27, 2017 15:25:56 GMT -5
My stbx was informed by my attorney that she needs to give me some cash, for expenses. She transferred $1500.00 into our joint account. I quickly moved it. Knowing how she moves money. She testified during her deposition that it annoyed her that I moved it within 24 hrs. can you say, "a one way street, paved with double standards?"
2 weeks later I discover the $1500.00 came from our joint account. An account that has been used for nothing but rental property deposits, expenses, and income. This was already brought up in the deposition about my stbx double dipping into this account. Taking amounts as high as 60%. (where not just talking hundreds)
I'm curious to find out how much of this is wrong legally, and ethically during a pending divorce? I have since drained the account down to the minimum. Enough to make loan payments. Anything else she takes out will hurt her credit and mine.
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 27, 2017 16:38:49 GMT -5
Take the battery out of her car and put it in your son's car. Save your money and MAKE IT her problem. I went and bought the cheapest battery possible. I collected enough cash from all three of my sons, to make a statement, to prove a point. That they had to pay for it. Their mother refused to cooperate when it comes to control. Especially money. I told them I will keep it in a safe place and refund their money, after the divorce. We are still running out of vehicles at our house. Except for my W. Only she drives her car. I stay home day after day so my sons can have transportation. Just an idea but you could transport a child to their job or activity and you take the car so you aren't stuck in the house. Or call someone an Uber! |
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 3, 2017 15:17:11 GMT -5
Actions speak louder than words!
More shifting of money has taken place. This time it's me, protecting myself, to not get fooled again, but it didn't work!
We have had a joint account for over 4 yrs now strictly for rental properties. I have never spent anything from that account on anything but rental properties. The same goes for deposits. All rental money.
My stbx has a record of removing large amounts (thousands) and her answers to why, when, where? during her deposition was, "I don't know".
So I go to the bank. The ladies at the bank are very understanding and very helpful (talk about priceless free advice!) they help me drain the rental account down to just enough to cover two months loan payments. I leave feeling safe.
Then 2 weeks later I receive a bank letter telling me that there was a negative balance covered by the bank with a fee.
I go to the bank. Not an easy thing for me. I feel stupid enough already, wondering how in the world the houses got paid for twice just 4 days apart? That's never happened before.
I am getting more informed with bank lingo, account numbers, and how to bring my computer with me.
Was I glad I asked? Yes, very much. There's the automatic withdrawal that has been set up since day one. Check.
4 days before that the same amount for the monthly payment was withdrawn on line? Then deposited as a house payment.
Only one other person is capable of doing that. My stbx!
Now a double payment has been made on the rental properties.
Mystery solved! (sort of) Just like a SM. Now comes the "why did she do that?" (the exact words from my helpful banker)
Another check was written by me for $165.00 for two seasons of lawn control on the same day as the on line payment was made. That would not have been a problem, if there was not the on line withdrawal. Hence the negative balance.
My friendly banker is trying to figure out the "why" with me. (Now I don't feel so dumb)
My banker asks, " Is this the way the loan has always been paid? Automatic withdrawal?" I say "always, from day one."
Next question. "so why would she do that? Has this been done before?" I answer "no".
Then I say, " I REMEMBER when I took $50. extra cash out at the grocery store, so I can give the kids cash for haircuts, and food. My stbx told her attorney that I could not be trusted, that there's no telling what I would do with all that extra money. Same thing applies here. She probably believes that any money sitting in an account is money that I will frivolously spend and that her credit will be damaged if the payments are not made."
That seemed to make the most sense of all. However twisted it is! Since I have been depositing all the money religiously, and haven't mis-spent any of it.
Back to my friendly banker. Her advise" Leave the $30.00 in the account, and two days before the bank automatically withdraws the money, come in and make the deposit for just enough to cover that months payments. Put the rest of the money in a safe place. (another account, or bank)."
That's what I will be doing until the divorce is final. Pretty crazy isn't it!
I handed all the bank transactions , letters, and statements to my attorney. More evidence for the trial. (still waiting on a court date).
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Post by GeekGoddess on Aug 3, 2017 15:44:25 GMT -5
Wow. The saga seems to never f'ing END with her. Oh my god she has such .... I don't even know. Stamina?
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 3, 2017 20:52:09 GMT -5
Wow. The saga seems to never f'ing END with her. Oh my god she has such .... I don't even know. Stamina? It's more like a revengeful manipulation. It also confirms my decision to release myself from someone who will continue to show no respect, and whose actions show her non stop controlling behavior. Even when it hurts herself. Another lesson for her to learn or never figure out. While me and the family, get as far away as possible! Quite a balancing act, when you still have to be very aware of not saying derogatory things about "mother" while speaking the truth at the same time. |
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